Has triggered some memories for me. When I first got sober Stan, I couldn't have done what you're doing. I separated from society and focussed very much on kids for the first couple of years, because I figured they were safer...and heaps smarter.
Once I got a taste of real sobriety (after those first couple of years) and had begun recognising some of the changes that had taken place, I realised it was time to start saying thankyou to AA and returning some of the services and kindnesses that had been offered me.
I also recognised that my adult interaction skills were not very good. I was great at serving people or assuming a role, but I wasn't very good at just being me and speaking my truth to others outside of AA. So, I made a conscious decision to open my door.
I ran a series of open houses, in which I lived alongside other recovering alcoholics at different stages of sobriety. It was good for me and my kids, I think...to see it all and live with the cravings and flashbacks and horrors again... and the shared baby steps, triumphs and progress. I learned that lighthouses don't say anything, they just point the way. Learning when and how to say No or when to walk away, was an interesting trip too. There were times though, when I thought: "What the hell am I living with this nonsense for???" When I'd get weary, other AA's kept reminding me that I needed to give back. Eventually, I decided there were things I was copping, that I never actually dished out, even at my most very worst!
We all have different journeys mate... our decisions lead to all kinds of learning. Eventually, I decided I'd fought enough for sobriety (mine and others) and it was time to enjoy the serenity I'd spent years saying I was looking for. It was time to accept I had been granted the courage to change things and had learned the difference. I had to act on that.
So now, I don't live with the pain anymore. In my house I have two kids: one who knows what the serenity prayer means and one who says she doesn't. That's a worry, because I hope she doesn't have to take the same trip I did, to understand it - but if she does, at least I will understand that it is possible to work it out and she has folks around who will also understand if she has to go down, to come back up.
I also have another mate who comes and goes quite regularly...he says he understand the serenity prayer too, and that's why he likes coming here. That's nice...makes me smile.
I have vans for guests and the serenity prayer is hanging in each of them. Visitors sometimes ask if I'm religious. I laugh. The only thing I do religiously, is wake up each day and head to the loo.
I do know one thing Stan...we never get handed anymore than we can handle.
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves why we try to handle stuff that we don't have to in the first place...will it bring us peace, by some internal form of amends?...or is it simply that we are just building our courage and preparing to bring to life our own goals?
Interesting isn't it? Watching ourselves grow...
amanda2u2 said
Mar 29, 2005
I missed the post about Stan's mate,,, it must be hidden somewhere on one of these threads,,, but I am seeing this one by Nic. Thanks for sharing this part of your story. I can relate to a lot of it in my experiences that are similar,,, and the rest of it is very good for me to hear. I also found that the social skills that I had learned in my family of origin were not suitable for general society, and that the largest part of my recovery is to learn better social skills. I didn't decide to open my door to let people come in, but I did decide to make a commitment to people I meet outside. The journey to realizing all 3 parts of the Serenity Prayer is similar too. And the experience with children, in learning how to apply the prinicples in our daily relationships as parents.
God bless you,
amanda
stancamden said
Mar 30, 2005
Today I took time out from work to take her to hospital for a check up of her waterworks.
Not out of duty, nor necessity.
Not because I like her, because I don't: she is a moody, moany old cow.
Even the doctor took the piss and said "You want to die don't you?" I piped in that she had asked the vet to put her down at the same time as the dog. "You aren't going to kill yourself here are you?"
I did it because of love.
When I phoned up the daughter who had bought her all the booze that caused her to fall over, it was the first time I had asked her for physical help handling her mother. I was horrified at the response that she and her sister gave "Let her lie on the floor".
Shame about families, isn't it?
Nic said
Mar 30, 2005
Well now....that's very romantic Stan.
stancamden said
Mar 30, 2005
Romantic?
This is my 82 year old "landlady" we're talking about.
Thanks Nic
-- Edited by stancamden at 19:47, 2005-03-30
Nic said
Apr 5, 2005
Tis still very romantic...Don't think I've ever heard you share on love before...
Allo mate,
Just read your post about your flatmate...
Has triggered some memories for me. When I first got sober Stan, I couldn't have done what you're doing. I separated from society and focussed very much on kids for the first couple of years, because I figured they were safer...and heaps smarter.
Once I got a taste of real sobriety (after those first couple of years) and had begun recognising some of the changes that had taken place, I realised it was time to start saying thankyou to AA and returning some of the services and kindnesses that had been offered me.
I also recognised that my adult interaction skills were not very good. I was great at serving people or assuming a role, but I wasn't very good at just being me and speaking my truth to others outside of AA. So, I made a conscious decision to open my door.
I ran a series of open houses, in which I lived alongside other recovering alcoholics at different stages of sobriety. It was good for me and my kids, I think...to see it all and live with the cravings and flashbacks and horrors again... and the shared baby steps, triumphs and progress. I learned that lighthouses don't say anything, they just point the way. Learning when and how to say No or when to walk away, was an interesting trip too. There were times though, when I thought: "What the hell am I living with this nonsense for???" When I'd get weary, other AA's kept reminding me that I needed to give back. Eventually, I decided there were things I was copping, that I never actually dished out, even at my most very worst!
We all have different journeys mate... our decisions lead to all kinds of learning. Eventually, I decided I'd fought enough for sobriety (mine and others) and it was time to enjoy the serenity I'd spent years saying I was looking for. It was time to accept I had been granted the courage to change things and had learned the difference. I had to act on that.
So now, I don't live with the pain anymore. In my house I have two kids: one who knows what the serenity prayer means and one who says she doesn't. That's a worry, because I hope she doesn't have to take the same trip I did, to understand it - but if she does, at least I will understand that it is possible to work it out and she has folks around who will also understand if she has to go down, to come back up.
I also have another mate who comes and goes quite regularly...he says he understand the serenity prayer too, and that's why he likes coming here. That's nice...makes me smile.
I have vans for guests and the serenity prayer is hanging in each of them. Visitors sometimes ask if I'm religious. I laugh. The only thing I do religiously, is wake up each day and head to the loo.
I do know one thing Stan...we never get handed anymore than we can handle.
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves why we try to handle stuff that we don't have to in the first place...will it bring us peace, by some internal form of amends?...or is it simply that we are just building our courage and preparing to bring to life our own goals?
Interesting isn't it? Watching ourselves grow...
I missed the post about Stan's mate,,, it must be hidden somewhere on one of these threads,,, but I am seeing this one by Nic. Thanks for sharing this part of your story. I can relate to a lot of it in my experiences that are similar,,, and the rest of it is very good for me to hear. I also found that the social skills that I had learned in my family of origin were not suitable for general society, and that the largest part of my recovery is to learn better social skills. I didn't decide to open my door to let people come in, but I did decide to make a commitment to people I meet outside. The journey to realizing all 3 parts of the Serenity Prayer is similar too. And the experience with children, in learning how to apply the prinicples in our daily relationships as parents.
God bless you,
amanda
Well now....that's very romantic Stan.
-- Edited by stancamden at 19:47, 2005-03-30
Tis still very romantic...Don't think I've ever heard you share on love before...
...love laughing with you.
lololololololololololol