My brother adn his wife have been married for several years. They've been very active in their sobriety, adn leading many other through their sobreity. They have been very involved together in their recovery. About 6 months ago, my brother's wife went out, she is back in recovery and has 32 days. The problem is that my brother has basically abandonned her, he doesn't contact her, adn in fact was told from a few people in the program that he should talk with her at all. My brother has moved out of the house adn is living with our folks, he's taken the home phone and moved it to a new cell phone. Where does the line get drawn between sobriety adn committment to marraige? I know he's mad at her adn feels like his wife has cheated on him, and he doesn't love her, but what about the cmoomittment? Would any of you advise him to do the same? Please respond!
Thanks
amanda2u2 said
Mar 23, 2005
Gee,,, that is sad. I also went out recently, at Christmas. I got mixed reactions from people. Some other AA's I think felt like I had betrayed them by slipping, and reminded them that we are all just a drink away from a drunk. Some of them just said to me, 'welcome back' and they said they hoped that I learned something from my 'research',, which I did. I am so glaad that there were people who did not abandon me, but helped me to get on track again.
We cannot give advise about your brother and his wife. I think the ones who gave your brother advise may have been breaching program principles also when they told him not to speak to her. I will put it in prayer and hope that the two of them are able to use the program and do their Steps 10, 11 and 12 to let God guide them into His will for them.
amanda
GammyRose said
Mar 23, 2005
Tony, I know how it looks, looking at a couples relationship from the outside, we think we can give them advice and everything will be solved. I have learned from personal experience things are not always what they seem. I would pray for your brother and his wife and let God lead and guide them in this.
I have been sober 20 years and my husband of almost 22 years has never had more than six months sober, he just got out of a half-way house. We are separated right now but are working on our relationship, one day at a time.I have had a lot of people try to fix my marriage, give me great advice, but it all comes down to two people having to do the work it requires to make that commitment work.
Tony have you ever gone to Al-anon? Hang in there , it will work out the way it's suppose to without any help from us. Just love them both and trust in a power greater than youself.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Oh, my husband has almost 9 months sober now and I didn't have a thing to do with it.
stancamden said
Mar 23, 2005
Perhaps it was more then drink that she strayed into.
We do not know and should leave it up to them to sort out.
Phil said
Mar 24, 2005
Yupper.:) Its the old love and detatch thing. Its easy to get involved, because we care. We are human. They gotta do what they gotta do. You have a great day.
Tony said
Mar 24, 2005
God Bless You! And thanks! He is the only one that looks on the heart. They both beleive, but it seems that they're not allowing God to work, but your right, God Knows!
My brother adn his wife have been married for several years. They've been very active in their sobriety, adn leading many other through their sobreity. They have been very involved together in their recovery. About 6 months ago, my brother's wife went out, she is back in recovery and has 32 days. The problem is that my brother has basically abandonned her, he doesn't contact her, adn in fact was told from a few people in the program that he should talk with her at all. My brother has moved out of the house adn is living with our folks, he's taken the home phone and moved it to a new cell phone. Where does the line get drawn between sobriety adn committment to marraige? I know he's mad at her adn feels like his wife has cheated on him, and he doesn't love her, but what about the cmoomittment? Would any of you advise him to do the same? Please respond!
Thanks
Gee,,, that is sad. I also went out recently, at Christmas. I got mixed reactions from people. Some other AA's I think felt like I had betrayed them by slipping, and reminded them that we are all just a drink away from a drunk. Some of them just said to me, 'welcome back' and they said they hoped that I learned something from my 'research',, which I did. I am so glaad that there were people who did not abandon me, but helped me to get on track again.
We cannot give advise about your brother and his wife. I think the ones who gave your brother advise may have been breaching program principles also when they told him not to speak to her. I will put it in prayer and hope that the two of them are able to use the program and do their Steps 10, 11 and 12 to let God guide them into His will for them.
amanda
Tony, I know how it looks, looking at a couples relationship from the outside, we think we can give them advice and everything will be solved. I have learned from personal experience things are not always what they seem. I would pray for your brother and his wife and let God lead and guide them in this.
I have been sober 20 years and my husband of almost 22 years has never had more than six months sober, he just got out of a half-way house. We are separated right now but are working on our relationship, one day at a time.I have had a lot of people try to fix my marriage, give me great advice, but it all comes down to two people having to do the work it requires to make that commitment work.
Tony have you ever gone to Al-anon? Hang in there , it will work out the way it's suppose to without any help from us. Just love them both and trust in a power greater than youself.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
Oh, my husband has almost 9 months sober now and I didn't have a thing to do with it.
God Bless You! And thanks! He is the only one that looks on the heart. They both beleive, but it seems that they're not allowing God to work, but your right, God Knows!
In HIS Grip
Tony
