i think that just venting some where was 50% of it.  i really have to work on me not caring about what people think.  i mean that i really need to set boundries and stick to them.  my trouble is that i never really did this so i don't know how to be that way and not be rude.  to get my point across with out stooping to there level.  that is why reciently have just done nothing.  i really need alanon meetings.  because i need to learn detatchment that amanda is talking about.  i have got to.  it's the living thing that i want not the survival.  i just want to be heard not argumentitive.  thanks for taking the time out to write back i respect you all. i am just frustrated and would rather not do something than do something and regret it.  anyone know a good book or something on this issue.  i know  of aa things but alanon i haven't got a clue.  

so i am still a work in progress as phil would say, but if i can get a grip on this my sobriety would go alot smoother.  i am sure you understand what i am trying to say--not looking for a cure but effective tools.

thank-you all and god bless.  you all have a great day.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Anger and resentment cause cancer within.

Live and let live.

Detatch with Love

How Important is it.

Let go and Let God.

You come first

We cant live our lives on what other people think.

Neagative thoughts breed negative things. Positive thoughts breed positive things.

Keep it Simple.

One day at a time.

Dont co-sign someone elses bullshit.

We didnt get here overnight--we wont get all better by last week.

The most frustrating action for an alcoholic is to do nothing, about something they can do nothing about.

Dont be a scapegoat or a doormat.

Stand up for how you feel and express it in a calm manner.

Pray.

We try to deal with and fix someone elses insanity, we become insane ourselves.

And the list goes on.  You have a good day Ellen.  Im in Alanon also, and theres a lot of good stuff in the Alanon Twelve Step Book, plus the daily readings from The Courage To Change.

 

 

 

 

 

was afraid that it was that simple....don't you know how this stuff illudes me?  you could have at least made it more complex than that to make me feel good lol.  i just have to laugh at myself...i just need to be more assertive.  well phil like always i just need to see things the way they are and have that courage.  because there is where things will change.  much like the situation that you were in a few months back---just hasn't hurt enough and really it is my fault....i took a shower and started my day over.  change can suck but knowing what i know now it will all work out.  at a crossroad and this is what separates the "men from the boys".  thanks again

It is easy to repeat all those slogans,,,  but it is really hard to be in the middle of a difficult situation and apply the principles.  Recovery is a life time process. See there's another one.. and those are helpful tools.  Speaking of tools,,, did you ever slam your thumb with a hammer? Cut the table along with the food? We have to learn how to use tools. Step by Step....  learn a little, practice it,,,  learn a little more,,,,  practice again....   that is how we learn anything. There are books on codependency too, ellen. This seems to be more of what the situataion is about here. Being sober is the first part of it.. and then, once we are sober,  to learn better coping skills. Sometimes finding a good counselor who understands these issues..   a family counselor..  or a counselor who works with Adult Children issues is the most effective help.  We can't give you the more intensive help that you are indicating you need here. You are in my prayers, and I will support your efforts at making your handling of  this situation as healthy as possible.

love in recovery,

amanda

A good book to read is Dale Carnegie: How to Win Friends and Influence People His lessons are simple, but I have failed to learn them. Think I'll get a copy and read it again

Hi Ellen,

I read your previous post and wanted to say thank you! I have been feeling sorry for myself cos my van's tranny went out and it's been in the shop forever and now that it's done, my husbands truck went out and...blah,blah,blah. What I'm thanking you for is I realized that I don't have it so bad, I'm driving a loaner and am able to get around when I need to. And I  don't have to depend on someone else when I want to go to a meeting, or whatever. I remembered that life rears its ugly head sometimes, and I need to make the best of the situation I'm in.

Thanks for reminding me. I hope everything works out for you, it sounds like you're having a hard time. Just remember, you are loved, by alot of people.

 

cheri