I feel so very guilty for being able to try to cover up all my feelings with alcohol.  So  as i am reading these postings I feel so rotten. You guys have found serentiy and i am just a baby by comparison.  I want all the peace and happiness that sobriety brings with it but i am so afraid to let the bottle go I need alcohol in my life it makes me deal with things in some way,.  When I am on my own then I feel like a ninkumpoop.  I dont know how to think for myself I feel like an alter ego comes out when I drink - I believe that I am fun and easier to get along with when I am drinking.  What worries me is the 'dry drunk' that surfaces when I am sober and alienates anyone who tries to befriend me. 

I look forward to your words of support and encouragement when I log on again.

Sincerely

Sheebee

Hi Suzy, welcome to the board.

It is hard to make the initial decision to stop drinking and to live life sober. It is a decision that is worth making, you will feel so much better sober and you will notice the changes in so many aspects of your life.

Everyone has a different personality that comes out with drinking, it's important to accept yourself for who you are.

Today is the first of your recovery, life gets better from here onwards.

Best wishes.

Chris.

Hi Suzy... giving up alcohol was scary for me too at first. I mean, alcohol was my solution to all of life's problems. At least it was at first .. then it boomeranged on me. It sounds like it's not working too well for you anymore either. If you hang in there and give staying sober and working the 12 steps a sincere effort here's what you'll get: We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84 Hang in there kiddo and keep coming back. You can do it. We need you. -Tom

Hanuman posted what is called, 'The Promises',, and we read them at every meeting.

wow, Suzy, I have gone through just what you say in your post. Sometimes it is still a struggle.  I had no real coping skills.  I am an Adult Child of Alcoholis too... and when I was a kid we didn't have healthy constructive social skills, or problem solving skills.  You are being really honest about that, and I respect that. I want you to know that you are right that that is a real problem.... and that there is a solution. In the 12 Step program we learn coping skills that are much better than our old 'skill' of getting drunk. They say there are two stages to recovery... one is not drinking and the other is learning how to live life while not drinking.

keep coming,

amanda

Thank you than you thank you  everyone for your support and ability to relate.  I realise the importance of keeping the 12 steps in my thoughts all the time.   I love the slogans too and I feel they will help me.  I have to apply this program to my relationships in order to let it work to not bring out the symptom of my resentments and fears (which is drinking)

I will keep reading and posting and I must say this program is amazing when one looks at what it has done for so many people the world over.

Kindly

Sheebee