Its a common ground that we all share and often joke about, but don't always discuss seriously.  We kind of have a tradition of 'bucking up' and 'persisting through it' as a way to deal with fear in order to get past it, but in my experience it's rare to actually discuss why we're afraid of things.   Overcoming your negative reactions to fear- panic, guilt, anger, shame, powerlessness, and all that accompany it is an important part of becoming a better person, of discovering your true purpose- a theory of mine is that I like paddlers in general because they have all dealt with fear and to some extent or another, succeeded.  Fear is inevitable, but the way you understand it and react to it is not.

Fear is a conditioned response, related to physiological mechanisms present in all animals, the mechanics of which which are only now being discovered- we know that certain regions of the brain are in charge of managing different classic 'fear' responses, for example- there's one region that prompts a vocal wailing, the call that reunites a lost child with it's mother, another region that governs a 'freeze' instinct, and yet another that prompts a violent aggressive posturing, and still another that fundamentally changes your physiology to increase your heart rate, speed up your breathing, etc.  We know that certain brain chemistry affects the way this system is regulated and that genetics are involved, but we also know through psychological studies and experience that simply thinking differently and relating differently with the object of your fear can influence whether or not these primitive brain systems are triggered.   In other words, these studies suggest that while the mechanics of your physiology are natural and instinctive, the act of engaging (or overriding) these systems is a learned, conditioned response.

Fear is a lot of things- it is the sensation of 'expectation with alarm', according to Webster's.  We associate it with an emotional and physical sensation, we relate to it perhaps less consciously than we could, but what is it, really?  Is it merely an artifact of our neurochemistry?  A survival trait?  A spiritual challenge?  Does it make us focus, or is it possible to focus without fear?  Does it make us stronger, perform better?  Does it possess an intelligence we otherwise lack?  Is it just our own conditioned self-programming?  Is it something we can do without?  Is it a good thing?

Stimulus, response

Understanding fear and functioning appropriately in spite of it are two entirely different things, probably because fear is irrational and it affects you not just logically, but emotionally and physically as well- and not in that order.  We respond to most all stimuli in a specific order- physically, emotionally, and then rationally- it's built into the way we're wired.  For example, when a paper bag is popped behind you, your first response would be to jump- and as your system gears up to deal with an unexpected threat, you respond emotionally as your physical state changes.  By the time you rationally figure out that you were the subject of a harmless paper-bag prank, you've already processed it physically and are emotionally involved as a result of your physical reaction.  In a broader sense, everything you experience follows this pattern, whether the stimulus is a surprise like that of the paper bag, or it's a slow creeping realization that maybe you're in over your head on the river.

Perhaps more insidiously, your emotional response to a stimulus can itself become reactive and self-propagating- the fact that you're scared can create a short-circuit where you're afraid because you're afraid.

At the same time, it's important that you accept your feelings and acknowledge them- after all, they're absolutely real- the thing is that although they're real, the way you relate to the object of your fear usually doesn't serve you very well- and of course, there's always the possibility that your fear is rooted in perception, rather than in reality.

Good Fear, Bad Fear

People talk about 'good fear' and 'bad fear' a lot, but really they're the same thing- fear is the worrier in your head that interprets an otherwise ambiguous situation (standing on the bank of a river, looking at a challenging rapid) to mean that the worst will happen if we try it.  Fear is the devil's advocate in your head that says, "...on the other hand, that portage route doesn't look half bad".  Maybe this feeling of fear is your vast subconscious genius which has evaluated a zillion variables and advises you not to go for it.  ...or maybe not.  Remember, in any story, there's your perception of it, and then there's reality.  What you conclude and what is real are not the same thing, because your conclusions are the product of the way you view the world, they exist only in your mind.  Of course, the way you view the world, through the filters of your conditioning and perceptions, is neither right nor wrong, it's just your view.  Does it serve you, or do you serve it?

It might be simple to conclude that fear is a survival trait- but this is probably an oversimplification.  Animal behavior studies point out that there's a phenomenon called 'the handicap principle' observable in many species, whereby individuals who live dangerously but survive are favored when it comes time for mating- hence, perhaps, our urge to seek thrills and our admiration of strong, fit, or dynamic individuals.  The urge to seek a little danger, to live gracefully under stress, lives in your genes.  In this sense, acceding to your fear response might be a survival trait, but managing your fear and functioning gracefully with it is a different, equally valid one, and it's up to you to determine which one serves you.

In any case, often we rationalize the urge to avoid risk as 'good fear'- but remember, just because you're afraid of it doesn't mean it's dangerous, and for that matter, your 'natural response' to it is not guaranteed to be the best one.  After all, some people are deathly afraid of speaking in public- the thought of doing so can lead to a fear response that will actually incapacitate them.  In this case it is the reaction to fear itself that is the only undesirable thing, and let us not forget that the reaction can be very injurious indeed.  We talk about this as 'bad fear'- but in the end it's really the same thing.  The difference between the two is whether we think our reaction to it is appropriate or not- but often, why we think the way we do about our reaction, or it's appropriateness, is left unexplored.  Often, we accept our response as 'natural' and we don't question it at all- but remember, our response is not natural- we programmed it ourselves, we made our response a habit, somewhere in our past.

...so we describe our fears, more or less, by whether we think our response to them is useful to us- and because they get to us before we can really think about them rationally, often we accept our reactions to them as phenomena beyond our control, and I'd like to suggest that this is not true.  Fear is a conditioned response we have- but it does not logically follow that the way in which we react to it is appropriate.  Fear is a universal thing- everybody experiences it, entire regions of the brain appear to be in charge of this system of response- and because we identify with it through our negative personal experiences, we're prone to examining it in a reactive, judgmental, un-empowered way. It's difficult at first, but very profitable, to find ways to experience your relation to fear with openness and empowerment, rather than with panic, guilt, recrimination, anger, or aversion- if for no other reason than the fact that an inappropriate response to fear can make you unhappy in all aspects of your life. After all, aversion will strengthen your fear, despite the temporary relief it may bring you- you can run away from the thing that scares you, or you can empower yourself in your relation to the object of your fear, but not both.

One key to overcoming your negative reaction to fear is in realizing that in a very important sense it's all in your imagination.  One definition of fear is 'expectation with alarm'- that is, what you dread exists in the not now- the process of experiencing fear is largely based in pondering a possible future or the what-ifs of the past.  By putting yourself into this frame of mind you separate yourself from the present- and the present is the only thing you can control. The past is gone, and the future hasn't happened yet, right?  You can influence the future only by shaping the present.  In other words, most of what we experience as fear is not an empowering choice- it's an artifact of our self-programming designed to make us feel helpless, and to run away.

So in order to choose an empowered response to <whatever you're afraid of>, you need to understand the nature of the part of you that thinks you should be afraid.  Remember, you created your fear- you programmed yourself at one point to relate to <whatever it is> through fear- you concluded (again, a conclusion is a function of your perception, rather than of reality) that <whatever it is> is something to relate to in an un-empowered way, which at the time may have served you, but does it serve you now?  Remember, it wasn't right, it wasn't wrong, it was just your choice at the time.  Is it the right choice for you now?  Does fear serve you?  ...or do you serve it?

Put another way, in order to choose an empowered response to <whatever it is>, you need to stop relying on your old self-programming to protect you and start relying on your present self to keep you safe- after all, the only context in which you have power to make change is in the present.  At the same time, it should be stressed that your trust must not be misplaced- after all, there's a difference between courage and foolishness.  You need a plan to solve the problem <whatever it is you're afraid of> presents that's within your capabilities, a plan that addresses the contingencies that may rise in your situation, so that if things go wrong you've got something to actively work towards in lieu of dwelling on the fact that you're afraid.  This is a markedly different thing from simply avoiding your fear- instead of avoiding what frightens you, your task is to train yourself to focus on something neutral or positive, rather than negatively on the subject of your fear.

Often, when dealing with a crisis, people experience intense focus, no sensation of being or otherness, merely the experience of doing what must be done- so as your car slides on an icy road, you countersteer, take your feet off the accelerator or brake, and deal with the requirements of the situation.  Only afterwards, once you've had a chance to ponder what might have gone wrong, do the real heebie-jeebies set in. "What if there wasn't a shoulder on this part of the road?"  "What if there had been another car there?"  "I might have died."  In this sense, we might call fear the process of negatively pondering what might have happened, what could happen- and note that these are what is not happening to you right now- it's the thought process that takes us to the part of our brain that knows how to cry for help, or freeze in panic, or run away.  If you need to function, the key is in finding that place of focus, that experience of what is happening right now, in this moment.  When you relate to your context in terms of how you are right now, rather than how you are not, you assume an empowered, present context, able to deal with what is happening right now.  ...and when you're able to do this all of the time, you'll be a Zen master.

A survival trait?

We commonly hear that 'fear makes you stronger', or 'Fear keeps you alive'- but this is just a continuation of the rationale behind Good vs. Bad Fear- it's a justification we have for putting up with fear, it's our fear of facing our fear talking.  But is there something to the notion that fear is a desirable thing, that it has performance benefits?  Well, yes a little and mostly no: 

• Does fear make you stronger? - The systems in your brain that govern your fear response do in fact release adrenaline, any number of endorphins, and a variety of other hormones into your system that boost up your 'fight or flight' system, but fear is not the only way to get physically cranked up- you can be excited, pumped, and experience the same physiological performance benefits, without the negatives of panic and irrationality.  ...so, fear gives you physical strength, but at a steep price.
• Does Fear give you good Judgment? - There's no indication that fear enables you to tap into an intuitiveness that you otherwise lack- you can use your judgment and intuition about whether something is dangerous without relating to it through fear.  True, you may include whether you're afraid in your evaluation of whether to avoid a dangerous situation, but in the end your judgment, your hunches and your intuitive thinking aren't, as far as we can tell, dependent on you being afraid.   Fear doesn't give you judgment- if anything, it detracts, via fear, panic, etc.
• Does fear keep you alive? - Fear can prompt you to avoid situations which may or may not be dangerous, but whether they are dangerous isn't necessarily (although it can be) related to you being afraid of them. Also, fear's effect on your performance, depending on your situation, can be either marginally beneficial (if, say, you need a burst of strength) or disastrous (if, say, you need to relax and conserve your air).  It should be pointed out that you can do all of this without being afraid.
• Does fear help you focus? - I would argue not.  Remember, your 'fear system' governs several different specific responses in the face of crisis- different parts of the brain regulate different fear responses: one makes you cry (for outside help or mercy), one makes you freeze when you're in danger (behavioral scientists believe this helps many animals avoid detection by predators), one makes your hackles go up and spurs aggressive behavior, (when spotted by a predator, give the impression that you're fierce) etc... Depending on your situation, fear can provide marginal benefits or prove utterly disastrous.  Crying, freezing up, or flying into a rage will only solve a certain few problems- but it will make most other situations worse.
• Does fear help you perform? - maybe.  Some people describe their experience of cool performance under pressure as 'fear helping them to perform'- they may be right, but I'm unconvinced.  My experiences with paddling difficult water, where my focus is present, where time slows down and my perception expands, doesn't feel like fear is really a part of it.  I would actually argue that fear enters the picture beforehand or afterwards, if it does at all.  ...and while it does seem true that many use their fear as a prompt to make them focus, I would argue that fear is the obstacle, rather than the agent, and that moreover it's not necessary- one can focus without being afraid.

You and Fear

Another key to dealing with fear is in understanding your relationship to it.  You have, for lack of a better term, a little voice inside you that wants you to avoid things it's uncomfortable with- confrontation, heights, speaking in public, the object of your fear in particular is unimportant because the process by which you relate to it is the same.  Somewhere in your past, you were conditioned to associate <scary subject here> with an unpleasantness to be avoided.  Most likely, you didn't fully understand the nature of the <scary subject here>, but you certainly understood the unpleasantness and you wanted no part of it, so you created an inner voice to warn you about that <scary subject> so you wouldn't have to experience the unpleasantness again.   For example, imagine yourself as a child, unafraid of, say, a food-disposal- you grew up with this noisy contraption in the sink, you watched your dad put his hand in there to retrieve something from in there a few times, and, ever the imitator, you decide to retrieve something you dropped in the sink that fell down there, too.  Suddenly, your mom is angry, agitated, yelling at you that you've done a bad thing, that you must never do this bad thing again!  You're confused, ashamed, humiliated, (you must've done something bad, but you don't understand what it was) but what did you learn, really?  You learned that your mom is afraid of something about the food-disposal, so it must be dangerous.  Now, while it is true that a food-disposal can be dangerous, did you really need to be humiliated, confused, frightened?  You weren't afraid of the food disposal... you were afraid because your mom was afraid, and you understand that she loves you, takes care of you.

...but what really happened there?  You concluded, based on incomplete information at the time, that there was something unimaginably horrifying about the food-disposal.  You created a fear-relationship with it- so that every time you interact with one, you engage the fear centers of your brain, because you programmed yourself so long ago to do that.  Again, your response wasn't 'right' or 'wrong', it was merely your thoughts at that time.  There's no need to remain afraid of it now that you know how to be safe around it.  It served you once, but now you'd be better served to choose an empowering response, one that relies on your present self, rather than on your past programming, to keep you safe.

 Arguably, what you needed was not to be ashamed and confused... what you needed all along was to know how to be around the food-disposal safely.  In a larger sense, it's arguable that fear is a substitute for understanding- it's a primitive aversion-conditioning mechanism that may have served you well when you were a child but which as an adult you can do better without.  Of course, while not all of your fears are created as simply as in this example, many of them probably are just that simple.

So, you created an inner voice, whose job is to reinforce your aversion to the badness by any means: engaging your fight-or-flight system, running away with your imagination, creating a monster in the sink drain of your imagination.  You experience this sensation and understand it to be fear, but do you question where it came from?  Is this experience unavoidable?

The short answer is: yes, until you let go of your fear of that particular thing.  At one point or another, most of us were afraid of capsizing in a kayak, but once we figured out how to roll and how to trust our roll and made it a habit to just roll when we capsize, the fear went away.  If we had listened to that particular fear, none of us would have learned to roll, none of us would surf... and damned few of us would leave the eddy.  ...So it's obvious that sometimes (I would argue, much of the time) you need to second-guess your fear, to get over whatever it is, so you can get on with your life.  It's also clear that we are able to learn how not to relate to something through fear, simply by replacing the habit of reacting fearfully with the habit of solving the problem.

So, we understand that there are times to listen to our fear, and times to ignore it- but that second part is tough!  How do you get over being afraid of something? 

It is simple- you can't know until you get through this fear and understand that it's not your fear that's keeping you safe- you had common sense all along to keep you safe.  The real obstacle was in understanding that the fear was nothing but you fighting yourself so that you could avoid changing into your future self.

...so this first process is just about observing how you are, and as you observe, you will change automatically, with no 'shoulds', no bargaining, no miracle cures.  It will take some time and humility, but it will take.  This process is not at all intuitive, because our urge is to grab at or fear and control it, to grasp at quick fixes and 'shoulds', when really the only winning strategy is to just observe, be how you are, and appreciate it.

 The clue is in that magical moment, when you're focused on solving a problem, when you're not monitoring yourself or thinking about the past or future, that time where you only exist in the present.  The only way you can be afraid is if you give your attention, energy, and focus to the part of you that doesn't want you to go forward- if you exist in the present, right now, rather than in contemplation of the future's possibilities or the past's imponderables, your 'inner victim' cannot rule you.  The easiest way to exist in the present is to give your attention to a device, a plan- commit yourself to an action and follow it to it's conclusion.

.  Remember, we are creatures of habit- make it a habit to relate to problems in a present, empowered context and habitually you'll solve them gracefully and easily.  By contrast, if you habitually respond to a challenge by pondering it's future problems or focusing on what might have happened, you'll make a habit of spinning the wheels of your thought on impossible ground.

 If, in a given rapid you flip, solve that problem when you come to it- you know how to roll, yes? If you're focused enough on your goal- working on one of these manageable problems you're solving in the moment, you deny the voice of defeat in your head the chance to rule you- and rather than dwelling reactively on your fear, you can instead act in a constructive mner.

What this means is that beforehand, you prepare as much as possible for your possible contingencies. Be prepared to switch to your offside roll, be prepared to fall back on plan B, be prepared to do what must be done beforehand.  Preparation is the most important part, and the part that requires the most discipline- preparation is the time where you make your important decisions.  Preparation is where you establish the habit of success. If something comes up that you didn't prepare for, you'll have to figure out how to solve that problem on the spot, and thinking takes more time than you may happen to have.

In short, preparation is where you make your success a habitual thing.  It's where you decide on what your goals will be, and specifically, what you'll work towards if a certain thing happens. What it also means is that once the curtain comes up, your preparation is in the past. Once you've committed yourself to the stage and the lights and the audience, it's time to stop thinking about what will happen if..... Now is the time for doing, being present, not thinking. At the time of action, second-guessing yourself is inappropriate. You've prepared your body and mind in rehearsal, you'll know what to do at the instant where a decision is demanded- trust yourself to make the right one and commit yourself to doing it. Your job is to be here now, focus on it.

In the end, fear is inevitable, but panic is not knowing what to do when you're afraid. Having a plan and trusting your present self once you're committed is the antidote to panic, even when things have gone horribly wrong.

Commitment

Things go wrong in life.  It's a given that eventually they will, and this is where you will be tested.  It may be the toughest thing you ever do, but you should take the last drop, the last trashing you took, the last thing that went wrong, (and the last thing that went right, for that matter) and put it out of your head.  It's gone.  What happens now is unrelated unless you're injured or tired. Everything else is in your head.

In other words, every action must be a leap of faith, an act of command, with no doubt and no fear. Pursue it with a passion, narrow your focus down to what you must do, and commit yourself to that course of action. If you do this, you really can't help but succeed.  Indeed, the whole point to preparation beforehand is to train your body and mind to take care of the smaller details, in order to free up your conscious mind to do things that it's actually good at- like planning and strategy and critical decision making.

Zen

The maddening thing about whenever somebody hauls out the term 'Zen' is that it's reasonably simple to grasp, but confoundingly difficult to practice.  We all struggle with fear because it's part of the way we're wired, we're engaged in an emotional response to something before we can rationally judge it- but with an understanding of the way fear can loop back on itself and lead to panic, the way fear is arbitrary and falliable, and the way you relate to fear, it's very possible to train yourself to break that cycle, simply by trusting yourself and doing what you need to do.  In this sense, it's silly to think about fear as something to conquer- rather, the challenge is to understand and influence the way you respond to it.

It requires a calculated leap of faith. From a rational standpoint, it's frightening to consider because faith is just as irrational as fear- but faith is even more powerful than fear- it can, once you've committed to it, allow you to choose the manner in which you respond to it.  I am not joking, or boasting in the least when I tell you this: it's an amazingly humbling and wonderful experience to succeed in the face of your worst fear.  I highly recommend doing so, whether it's in love, or your dealings with people.