Hi how is everyone, better than me at the moment I hope. Okay here goes...again. I'm posting this thread for I'm hoping to purge myself for the better and I would like other like minded people to help me with my problem. For starters I'm not new to AA this is my second visit in three years. Originally I had to do something about my alcohol abuse (AAB) for I was going to prison if I didn't. Since then I've met a great woman whom I'm set to marry this year. When I met her it inspired me to give the booze the arse so I did, gave my wild life totally away. It was destructive and a complete waste of life.

I then proceeded to get really fit. I joined a gym and gained 24kgs in the first year it was great. Anyway I've been clean for two years not a problem, healthy, happy and really kicking some major goals in life eg real estate, finances, employment.

So why I don't know am I hear you ask? I thought to myself that because I've been off it for two years and have totally changed my outlook on life in general that maybe I could start having a few beers again, just socially. My missus thought it was a real bad idea, how right she was.

In 1 month it's gone from a six pack with mates to 20 cans of beer and $150 in the pub by myself afterwards. I'm seriously sitting right now thinking that I have it UNDER CRONTROL yet I have this other side of me knowing that If I don't do something soon I'll be right back where I started. I've lost 10kgs, I no longer do gym, I've started smoking again and basically I've lost hope. I really don't give a shit about anything anymore. My fiancee is halfway out the door and rightly so I might add.

There is no AA meetings where I am, so I'm limited to the web. Give me hand here please.

Hey Dragon.? Welcome to the board. You are not alone, and yup, Ive been there buddy.

One year and two months sober, everything was going my way, and the little monkey on my shoulder kept whispering in my ear " Hey? you got it licked. You can control it now, a couple wont hurt you."

A couple of dozen months later, I had lost everthing and everyone there was to loose. Faced 146 charges, and was heading for big time on the inside.

I didnt give a shit either, and tried the gun to the head trick. Couldnt do it.

Finally had to completely surrender to the fact that I cant drink alcohol, my life was completely unmanagable, and it wasnt going to get better on its own.

Got back into AA--didnt pick up a drink each day, and a year later was standing before a judge facing 10 years.

I got one. Did four months. hit parole-and havent found it necessary to pick up a drink since.

Many times Ive wanted to-but when one realizes the consequences, which in this case would be slow death-Ide rather learn how to live without it.

This alcohol disease is cunning, baffling and powerful.

Welcome again my freind. There are a lot of caring sharing understanding and loving recovering alcoholics here. We are all in the same boat. Hang tough Buddy. One day at a time.  We care.

 

hi, Dragon....  even tho there is no meeting near you... you can still order the literature...  are you in the USA?  Here is the link: 

 http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/default/en_services_aa.cfm?pageid=33

There is a book called 'Living Sober' that we use once a week... and they have a chapter about feeling confident and not remembering our last drunk.  That's what happened to me this past Christmas...  I forgot ...  I thought I could handle a drink,, and that it would be nice.. taste good, feel good..  then I drank,,, and it did taste good,, but it ended up feeling like hell and drastically changed my Christmas plans, as I had to cancel half of them. I went right back into recovery, putting what I had learned abouat slips to use...  if you slip just go back, now. 

Glad you are coming back. welcome back.

amanda

I feel better already just hearing that. I've got a lot of challenges ahead this year with Bucks parties (which might I add I was really looking forward to) my wedding etc. By the way, no I'm not in the US I'm in remote outback Queensland (Australia). Over here it's so socially acceptable to get off ya face that you're considered weird if you don't drink, hunt wild boar and or shoot roo's. So this now put's me in the weird catergory, which is OK with me so long as I'm happy.

Dragon,

You sound a lot like me.  I quit back in 1990 the first time and really managed to pull my life together (relatively speaking).  After 4 years I was convinced that I could start having a beer once in awhile.  I was right -- for awhile.

Progressively my drinking got to the point where I was disturbed by it, and then I started fighting with it again.  My blood pressure got out of control.  So they put me on pills for that.  I starting having stomach problems.  More pills.  Then I landed in the hospital, and they told me if I kept binge drinking, this would be my new home.

That was 2002, and I haven't had a drink since.  And while most people here are heavily into meetings, and I plan to start going myself, I've done that without any face to face meetings.

You can do this, if you really want to.  You want some practical advice?  If you're hanging around with people who drink, stop.  Your "drinking buddies" aren't your buddies.  If you're going in somewhere where you like to drink, stop going there.  Shake up your habits a little.  And try to talk to that lady of yours about what is going on.  If you tell her you want to quit drinking, she'll either support you or roll her eyes.  I've had both reactions.

I can relate to the "off in the outback" thing too.  I'm in a little hick town here in the US where there are two places people get together: in church, and in the bar.  I've never been much for church.

 

Hi Dragon, Glad you are here.This is a great site with lots of sharing of experience, strength and hope.

Hey, you tried it, it's not working. This is a one day at a time deal, and if I can do it ,anybody can.You have to want it. I understand what you mean about being considersd weird if you don't drink, I'm in TX and that's just a way of life here, I was a bartender for years and a good one. But I wouldn't give up my sobriety for anything today.

Keep coming back, and check out the site Amanda suggested.

GammyRose   

I've just finished telling the missus about my new plans and she's sweet as. She is a top woman and we are best friends also so that makes it alot eaisier to stay home. Alot of the reason I started again was the fact that she works shift's in a coal mine (night's and days 12hrs) and I get really lonely. This loneliness turns into boredom (please try and remember there is no gym, resturants, cinemas or anything else entertaining other than pubs and the such) so there I am sitting at home with nothing but thoughts. The house we live in is supplied by the company that I work for so it's no benifit to me to do any work on the house, which really sux because I love that sought of thing.

She is now starting a new job in town with normal hours like me and no weekends which is really great. And we've decided to buy that Harley I've always wanted so that will give me something to do also. Before anyone says why don't you move to a place with more of a lifestyle available, well we earn more here in a week than what we did in a month in the city. We are both young but sensible so getting ahead now seems better than trying to play catch up later.

I've also just dumped all the alcohol from the house which was surprisingly hard to do. No temptaions lying around now so that's good. Would most agree that binges start from boredom? I've just looked back on the times when I've drank and the times when I have'nt and it seems to me that the times where I drank were the times when I had nothing to do. The times when I was happy to be sober and not even think about drinking were the times when I had direction and something to focus on. Whether that be going to the gym everyday or organising trips with the missus. And I also have not been one for church either, that was one of the reasons I stopped attending my first meetings in the city. Ninety percent of those attending had found God and their answer for everything was the bible and God. I don't need forgiveness from something I can't feel, I first need to learn to forgive myself.

Welcome to the site Dragon. You have found a great place to be, with lots of supportive people who can help. Everyone here has been through the same sort of stuff.

Keep on coming back, and stick with it, it is worth it.

Best wishes.

 

Chris.

Dragon,

That's exciting stuff!  It must feel good to act decisively and put a stop to the madness.

Boredom is a big problem for me as well.  I tend to sit around feeling frustrated and that my life is pointless, and that I just need some sort of excitement to spice things up a bit. 

The trouble is, nothing makes your life even more pointless like a good long run of drinking... and at the end of it, there's nobody to blame for it but yourself.

I'm glad your lady is on board.  Now you have to just stick with it and not go near the stuff!  Easier said than done, but you can do it.  And if you have Internet access there you've at least got that.  You could pop on the chat rooms and talk to people.  I've been having fun with that, and I realize fun isn't supposed to be the point, but it's great to meet people with similar backgrounds.

 

Ah Eureka!

Have all my Christmases come at once or WHAT???

tis not just another Aussie, tis another "out intha sticks biker mate!!!!"  All-right.

Sooo glad you're here Dragon! There's a heap of great people here mate, some great laughs and lots of good sense that helps keeps this fellow Aussie not so so much on the straight and narrow, but certainly sober and smiling.

I too, am too far from face to face meetings, so I pop in and out of here for my taste of AA unity, to share life as it exists today and to remind me the steps are there to help me change or accept whatever life flings at me.

If you need access to books, I can get some out to you - rest assured though, there are many people who can't read who have still got sober alongside and with the help of other alkies. Maintain your contact with other AA's and it immediately gets better. Share what you can, and draw strength from those who have the courage to blaze trails and try new things, and keep counting your blessings...everything is going to be ok.

We get bored because we are not used to caring about things beyond the bottle, and often find we have limited the things we have to care about once we put it down. Work out what you want to care about (beyond that fantastic lady you have) and start putting some energy into the things you always thought you'd buy/do/help/whatever tomorrow, today. Strewth, you too - will soon find there just aren't enough hours in the day mate!

All the best Dragon,

Nic

Hi Nic, Rolling around laughing here, thought you'd be pleased when another Aussie arrived, and a biker too!

 

Have a great day.

best wishes.

Chris.

Have you met Cabbagehead, Dragon?

Bit short on hair, but he's not short on those big belly laughs that feel so damn GOOD.

He hails from Charlies backyard, but we won't hold that against him, will we Dragon? Sent his mate Charlie over here to try and inject some decorum into us Aussies, but so far it doesn't seem to be rubbing off. In fact I think we might converting Charlie...called himself a stupid B* the other day - did you see that? Was it televised in the Old Country Cabbagehead? I figure the Queen would have choked on her tea if she'd seen that. Must have had a spiritual awakening or something... or maybe thought he was in Rome...I think we might have to trade Charlie in on our Tassie Princess of Denmark though. That girl knows how to party. She's having a hoot of a time!

Party on People.

Dragon,

Welcome brutha. I have over 2 years sober, but this is my third time through the program. My first attempt at getting sober was because I really hit rock bottom and would have done anything to remain sober. I went to only 3 meetings, and didn’t read any AA literature. Low and behold 7 months later I was out getting smashed again.

I hit another rock bottom about 1 year after that and again went back to AA but stopped after a month. Then the committee in my head started on me. “You’re too young to be an alcoholic.” “You don’t live under a bridge.” “It’s will power, just mind over matter.” Then guess what, I went back out again. And when I say went back out again I mean with full evengence. No social drinking here, it was always time to get smashed.

That leads me to October 25, 2002. The day I said to myself, something not right here. Normal people do not try to drink everything in the bar all at once. I decided right then and there that I was powerless over the booze. I have been sober ever since. I still get the committee in my head telling me its o.k. to drink but I now know that that’s part of the disease, so I get my nose into an AA book or try to get to a meeting or try to call another AA member (or in this case go to this board).

If you can’t make a meeting, subscribe to the Grapevine http://www.aagrapevine.org/ or order some seminar tapes, they are like meetings you can just pop into your cd player.

One last thing, I got sober in Boston which is a town that you can not throw a stick without hitting a bar or an AA meeting for that matter. I found it difficult at times to get sober while all my friends were going out, getting drunk and doing all the things I thought a kid in Boston was suppose to do. But when I explained to my friends that I had stopped drinking, 60% were happy for me, and the other 40% thought I was just being weak. You know what, unfortunately that last 40% will be the ones sitting next to me in meetings real soon.

Hey Dragon ... you should read the book called "Alcoholics Anonymous" (a.k.a. The Big Book). I was away in the "outback" of Cambodia all by my lonesome self for about 6 weeks this past winter. I had occasion to read the whole thing cover to cover. That experience you describe is told over and over again in that book. It definitely relates to my own experiences. I'd be surprised if there isn't a person or two where you are who's had these same experiences and is also looking for a way out. It would be great if you could meet up with someone else where you are with the same dilemna. That's how AA groups get started. So keep on the lookout for anyone else and in the meantime get some AA literature and stay tight with this on-line group. Good to have you here.

I'll second that on the Big Book... I'm in the process of reading it cover to cover right now.

When I quit drinking, I bought a truck with the money I was spending on alcohol.  I bet you can afford a book!  ;)