As a child, I was miserable.

When I was old enough, I was drunk and miserable.

After I realized that wasn't working, I sobered up.  But I was still miserable.  After a few years I started drinking again.

I'd made progress though: I was happy as long as I was drunk.  (We won't talk about the next day.)

Now if I can JUST figure out how to be sober and happy at the same time...

Well mate, looks to me like you already have it sussed...

You've worked out what WAS.

Just keep using that word when you think crappy thoughts and you will find you have already moved into the solution.

Good morning John R and Nic from balmy Ontario, Canada--where its Beach Weather, at a hot zero  degrees, but not quite bikini weather yet.

How to be happy hu?  Well--learning the hard way and deciding that maybe some changing needed to be done within--after 18 years sober. And the fact that just maybe one should look at the rest of the steps besides number one and twelve--well--I think you get my drift:)

Always relied on other people, places and things to make me happy--that kinda didnt work out the way I wanted it to.:)  I wonder why.(smile)

Never learned how to be happy until I learned to forgive myself--get rid of the pile of crap inside-and develop a bit of self love and self esteme, and learn to live with me. A sick kinda warped, sense of humour helps, especially when one gets to the point to be able to laugh at oneself.

That took a lot of --shall we say-working through the rest of the steps--letting go of control, and as it says in the big book--filling the hole in the donut with some good stuff.:)

Turning ones will over to the care of a Higher Power, and completely letting go was a real biggy for this kid, and some days still is.

I still have those days where i say "Its ok God--you take a break today, Ile handle it."  Oh yaa right. More bruises!!

Happiness for me today is getting up in the morning --looking in the mirror-and not breaking it-from the scream that breaks loose from my lips. hahaha

Its not waking up in the middle of the night in terror--realizing that I havent been to sleep yet.

The list goes on.    You guys have a great day. Take over the engine God. Im going to sit in the Caboose and drink coffee for a while. Talk to myself--and actually have an intelligent conversation. hahaha     Onward!!!

 I have learned in the program that happiness is having 'an attitude of gratitude'...  like someone said, 'we are about as happy as we want to be'.   Now, I have suffered from depression and had very miserable times when things were really hell in my life,,, so that doesn't mean to be in denial and all Pollyanna.  But it means that if we get rid of our resentments and negativity,,, and work at being positive, constructive , patient and brave.... the change from negative to positive thinking results in much more happiness even when our situation hasn't changed..   this is also called 'serenity'.

If you read the Promises that are posted on here,,,,   they are true...  so keep coming,, and working the 12 Step program...  it works if you work it.

amanda

Happiness comes from inside. I struggled and fought to win at the game of life. The one with the most toys is not the winner. Amanda said it all.  Serenity comes a little at a time. All twelve steps are needed, not just two or three ( 1,12, 13) WORK THE PROGRAM. Amanda we read the 12th the other day at the meeting. Of course I've read it many times before. I had said NO to the spouse, she did not take it well. I learned, I can say no and feel good. Isn't that the point? I try not to people please, As i was a big people pleaser. Now I have to come first.  My vent was some cropped up feelings. That was yesterday, today is better. Need to think out loud at times and NEED TO GET OUT OF MYSELF All have a great day. Leaving for Flordia ( with my spouse) this afternoon. Going to have a little fun in the sun. (expectations? Sun?) Don't know if I'll be able to get on a computer, so have a good one!!! I'm going to try my best. ( I deserve it) WE ALL DESERVE THE BEST, GOD WILL DO FOR US WHAT WE COULD NOT DO FOR OURSELVES.

Later  Rick

Sick sense of humor, check.

Giving will over to God... I have so much trouble with this.  I grew up not being able to count on my parents, now I'm supposed to believe that some invisible being is going to take care of me.  I know, I know, it's true, but I still subconsciously fight against it.

Serenity... that's a long way off for me.  I try to be grateful and I'm learning not to surround myself with people who poke me with sticks all day long (then I wonder why I am so annoyed all the time?), which should help. 

Thanks for all the words of encouragement.  I know I have lots of work to do.  :)

Have a great time in Florida by the way. 

John R. I can really relate to that last post.  It was hard for me to believe that some invisible God is going to take care of me when my own parents didn't.    Step 3 was very hard for me to do,,,  I could only give God just one second at first,, waiting to see if the world would fall apart in that second.  It didn't, so I gave Him another second the next day,,, and found that the warm sun and relaxed feeling that I got was very weird feeling cuz was the first time I had ever ever felt relaxed at all,,,  letting the world off my shoulders and letting God take the burden.  God is on his gazillionth second now,,, and is doing much much better than I did.

And I know what you mean abouat the people we surround ourselves with,,, we continue what we are used to,,, until we work at changing it, with God's grace. You sound like what is called an Adult Child of Alcoholics/dysfunctional family. Are you?

keep coming,

amanda

Oh yes, my family was and is very much dysfunctional.  My mother has a drinking problem she's never acknowledged and I grew up with abuse and neglect.  My father enables it.  I seemed to pick up the worst habits of both of them and have spent my adult life trying to unlearn them.  I'm sure I can do it if I live another 100 years or so.

I actually just spoke to my mother a few hours ago on the phone and she was -- surprise! -- drunk.  She's been drunk every time I've called for the last couple months and my father says she's been doing it just about every night.  She is planning to come visit me this summer (I'm on the West coast, they're on the East coast), and appears to be already trying to figure out excuses to get drunk while she's out here.  She's suggested that maybe we could go on an Alaska cruise or a trip to Vegas.  Which might be fun for a normal family, but I have a feeling a lot of you know what special kind of hell going on "vacation" with a raging drunk is.

Aren't you glad you asked?   ;)   I'm sorry... much frustration today.  Other than that though, things are good.  I've been having a good time talking to people in the chat rooms, and keep stumbling into the online ACOA meetings.

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Hmmm, considering the context I should point out that I'm stumbling into them because I don't know they're going on, not because I'm having trouble walking right.