I'm sure this has been covered here before. But how and when do you tell someone you're an alcoholic. I finally have ask a woman out!!!! I Don'y hear from the comittee in my head as often as i used to but man they are sounding of on this one. Any advice helpful thanks


Bryan  

Good question - I'm just throwing some thoughts out on this one...(I'm married now, but was 6 years sober when I began dating again after my husband passed away....Unfortunately, I started lightly (hahahaha) drinking on dates, as it was the only way I knew to handle a first date! Being as I'm now on here and acknowledge that I'm powerless over alcohol, this was not a real smart move, starting to attempt to drink like normal folk.

But back to your question....I don't think I'd toss out "I'm an alcoholic" on a first date; when the "have a drink" or "why aren't you having a drink?" comes up, I think I'd say, "nah, drinking is not my thing, doesn't work for me" or something to that effect.  If the relationship continues and a real friendship and/or real affection develops, then you can elaborate more and explain that it has caused problems for you in the past, and you are happier without it!....  I just feel that the uninformed might be turned off totally with the blatant "I'm an alcoholic" until you know them better.  Just My humble opinion; would love to hear others!

You'll know when and it'll just come to you on what to say.

I would suggest, when you do approach that subject, be completely honest. Tell her you're an alcoholic. I found that by doing so 1) I didn't start off with lies (just in case it becomes something) and 2) it kept me accountable.

I personally like to tell them (even just new friends) right away. That way if they are turned off or gasp! then I know they are not the one for me.

-- Edited by Doll at 22:55, 2008-09-04

Hey Bryan,

IMO that's some personal information that I'd wait till things get more seroius, to disclose, to avoid a misunderstanding. Don't get me wrong, if asked why I turned down a drink, I'd say that I don't drink. Usually I offer a casual explanation to avoid direct questioning such as "I don't drink it just doesn't agree with my system" or "It just doesn't make me feel good so I do without it". Neither of those raises more inquirey in my experience.

But every time I'd say that I don't drink or that I quit drinking, then the questions would start. "Did you have a problem?" etc... I need to get to know them, like them, trust them and believe that there is a future to the relationship, before I start giving away all my personal information for them to judge me about.

This  isn't about honesty or dishonesty, it's about an appropriate place and time to share intimate and personal aspects of my life with someone that I'm just getting to know. It's different than a meeting where we just go in spill our guts. Imo we have to watch that because before you know it, you can be doing that with someone you're dating, and if they're anything like "normal", it's going to be shocking to them.

Have any of you been in a non AA situation and people in the group were taking turns introducing themselves and when it came your turn you said "I'm
john doe and I'm an alcoholic"

-- Edited by StPeteDean at 10:42, 2008-09-05

I thought you were gay?

Thanks for the advice all, and the reminder to be honest above all, So typsy are you disappointed :p

Ive been there. For me, honesty mattered, but timing did too. I didnt lead with it on the first dateI waited until there was real interest and trust. You dont owe your whole story upfront. Share it calmly, step by step when it feels right. The right person will respect it, not run.