Others treat us the way we invite them to treat us. --Barb H.
Coping with stress is a lot more difficult than preventing it in the first place. If we think prevention, we can avoid a surprising number of stressful situations by thinking ahead and sidestepping. We don't have to have lunch with difficult or complaining co-workers, for example. We can take a walk at lunchtime or catch up on some reading.
We can limit our availability to other family members by telling them we're off duty after 8:00 P.M. If we stick to it, the others will learn not to ask for late night help with homework or for a shirt to be ironed. We deserve quiet time to build up our reserves and to fend off stress. Giving all our time away is foolish, not virtuous. We can only expect others to respect our limitations if we are clear about our boundaries.
To stay healthy, we need to avoid, or at least limit, involvement in all unnecessary aggravations.
I will demand the time I need each day for myself.
Nic said
Jan 24, 2005
Quote: We can limit our availability to other family members by telling them we're off duty after 8:00 P.M. If we stick to it, the others will learn not to ask for late night help with homework or for a shirt to be ironed.
Did a bloke write this Rick? You surely had your tongue in cheek when you wrote this, yes?
*laughing my little Aussie butt off*
Sorry, can't write now... it's after 8pm and despite limitations set in all seriousness, my kid has a nose bleed, the dog needs to go out, I'm in the middle of washing, there's a pee-wee in need of a new sparkplug before school in the morning, the pool filter needs changing and.. oh hang on, here's my other munchkin... oh, she's had a bad dream. Sorry, gotta go!
Cabbageheadchris said
Jan 24, 2005
Sorry Rick, I agree with Nic on this one.
Famlies work by teamwork not by telling them that you won't do anything for them after 8pm. I've not got any kids yet, but I don't think my fiancee would be too impressed if I refused to get out of bed to sort out a wet baby and change the sheets on the bed after she had been looking after the kid all day while I was at work.
In the same way, the support I recieved from my fiancee during my withdrawal crisis (before I went into a detox ward in hospital) wasn't limited, at no time did she say 'No Chris, we can't talk now, it's after 8pm and please stop shaking, I can't sleep'.
Families are sometimes hard work, but then so is everything thats worth anything.
Best wishes.
Chris.
Ps. Regarding helping children with homework. When we are all old and have no money, we'll rely on our kids to support us. Without passing exams and getting a good education, the children won't get well paid jobs, therefore less financial support for us. Think of helping the kids with homework as an investment for your future wellbeing!
Cabbageheadchris said
Jan 24, 2005
Quote
Each of us is a valuable part of the family. When we treasure one another and don't waste our time finding each other's faults, we will begin to have fewer faults. When we accept our loved ones as they are and enjoy sharing our lives with them, our lives become more enjoyable, and our family love grows because we are each more lovable.
Quote
We can limit our availability to other family members by telling them we're off duty after 8:00 P.M. If we stick to it, the others will learn not to ask for late night help with homework or for a shirt to be ironed.
Two opposite concepts?
Best wishes
Chris.
Rick said
Jan 24, 2005
Take what u need leave the rest. Leave it all I surly don't care. I only posted it, I did't write it. Didn't even express my opionion!!! Sorry guys if u didn't liked it. Your problem not mine.
Have a good one.
Nic said
Jan 25, 2005
Ah... your post was a good one, Rick. It provoked discussion and made me laugh. Also reminded Cabbagehead that his missus has gone the hard yards with him, and it made me think about life, family, boundaries, and progress. I wasn't laughing at you - just different concepts. This is a discussion board, so we don't have to agree, and it is unlikely we all ever will agree on everything. We were just talking to you, about what you posted...not arguing...not criticising...just talking.
I don't come here to "take" anything, so I won't be taking what I want and leaving what I don't. I tried running that cliche outside the doors of AA, and soon realised folks don't take too kindly to it. (They looked at me like I was just some self centred alkie or something! ). I accept you just the way you are, Rick. You post whatever you want to post. I'm here to share, and I'm grateful you did the same.
Sharing means interacting. We can't share something without interaction.
Second thoughts... I amgoing to take something. I'm going to pinch that sooky-la-la hat for a bit.. I might add some funky peacock feathers though...and hang a few corks round the brim. You just let me know when you want it back.
Ease up mate, no-one here wants to hurt or offend you. You are one of us.
Rick said
Jan 25, 2005
Nic no offense taken--I didn't write the piece, just posted it for you to enjoy!!!
Later Rick
amanda2u2 said
Jan 26, 2005
Well, it is good to see some healthy discussion,,, and that people aren't just carbon copies of one another. It is good to see some different perspectives. I think it is scary when everyone totally sees things exactly the same way... like Twilight Zone zombies. So, to me,, when I see people partly agreeing, partly disagreeing,,, bringing new perspectives to add and balance the other perspectives,,,, I am seeing a healthy group.
Coping with stress is a lot more difficult than preventing it in the first place. If we think prevention, we can avoid a surprising number of stressful situations by thinking ahead and sidestepping. We don't have to have lunch with difficult or complaining co-workers, for example. We can take a walk at lunchtime or catch up on some reading.
We can limit our availability to other family members by telling them we're off duty after 8:00 P.M. If we stick to it, the others will learn not to ask for late night help with homework or for a shirt to be ironed. We deserve quiet time to build up our reserves and to fend off stress. Giving all our time away is foolish, not virtuous. We can only expect others to respect our limitations if we are clear about our boundaries.
To stay healthy, we need to avoid, or at least limit, involvement in all unnecessary aggravations.
I will demand the time I need each day for myself.
Quote: We can limit our availability to other family members by telling them we're off duty after 8:00 P.M. If we stick to it, the others will learn not to ask for late night help with homework or for a shirt to be ironed.
Did a bloke write this Rick? You surely had your tongue in cheek when you wrote this, yes?
*laughing my little Aussie butt off*
Sorry, can't write now... it's after 8pm and despite limitations set in all seriousness, my kid has a nose bleed, the dog needs to go out, I'm in the middle of washing, there's a pee-wee in need of a new sparkplug before school in the morning, the pool filter needs changing and.. oh hang on, here's my other munchkin... oh, she's had a bad dream. Sorry, gotta go!
Sorry Rick, I agree with Nic on this one.
Famlies work by teamwork not by telling them that you won't do anything for them after 8pm. I've not got any kids yet, but I don't think my fiancee would be too impressed if I refused to get out of bed to sort out a wet baby and change the sheets on the bed after she had been looking after the kid all day while I was at work.
In the same way, the support I recieved from my fiancee during my withdrawal crisis (before I went into a detox ward in hospital) wasn't limited, at no time did she say 'No Chris, we can't talk now, it's after 8pm and please stop shaking, I can't sleep'.
Families are sometimes hard work, but then so is everything thats worth anything.
Best wishes.
Chris.
Ps. Regarding helping children with homework. When we are all old and have no money, we'll rely on our kids to support us. Without passing exams and getting a good education, the children won't get well paid jobs, therefore less financial support for us. Think of helping the kids with homework as an investment for your future wellbeing!
Quote
Each of us is a valuable part of the family. When we treasure one another and don't waste our time finding each other's faults, we will begin to have fewer faults. When we accept our loved ones as they are and enjoy sharing our lives with them, our lives become more enjoyable, and our family love grows because we are each more lovable.
Quote
We can limit our availability to other family members by telling them we're off duty after 8:00 P.M. If we stick to it, the others will learn not to ask for late night help with homework or for a shirt to be ironed.
Two opposite concepts?
Best wishes
Chris.
Take what u need leave the rest. Leave it all I surly don't care. I only posted it, I did't write it. Didn't even express my opionion!!! Sorry guys if u didn't liked it. Your problem not mine.
Have a good one.
Ah... your post was a good one, Rick. It provoked discussion and made me laugh. Also reminded Cabbagehead that his missus has gone the hard yards with him, and it made me think about life, family, boundaries, and progress. I wasn't laughing at you - just different concepts. This is a discussion board, so we don't have to agree, and it is unlikely we all ever will agree on everything. We were just talking to you, about what you posted...not arguing...not criticising...just talking.
I don't come here to "take" anything, so I won't be taking what I want and leaving what I don't. I tried running that cliche outside the doors of AA, and soon realised folks don't take too kindly to it. (They looked at me like I was just some self centred alkie or something!
). I accept you just the way you are, Rick. You post whatever you want to post. I'm here to share, and I'm grateful you did the same.
Sharing means interacting. We can't share something without interaction.
Second thoughts... I am going to take something. I'm going to pinch that sooky-la-la hat for a bit.. I might add some funky peacock feathers though...and hang a few corks round the brim. You just let me know when you want it back.
Ease up mate, no-one here wants to hurt or offend you. You are one of us.
Nic no offense taken--I didn't write the piece, just posted it for you to enjoy!!!
Later Rick
Well, it is good to see some healthy discussion,,, and that people aren't just carbon copies of one another. It is good to see some different perspectives. I think it is scary when everyone totally sees things exactly the same way... like Twilight Zone zombies. So, to me,, when I see people partly agreeing, partly disagreeing,,, bringing new perspectives to add and balance the other perspectives,,,, I am seeing a healthy group.
My how we have grown!
love in recovery,
amanda