Its over two months that I have not had an alcoholic drink. How has it changed my life? I shall try and do an inventory. Main Benefit: being able to drive at any time. Has come in useful when going up to the pub when bored at home or escaping (see below). Ironically, it means that I am more likely to lose my licence - I never drove and drank and now I do more driving at night while tired on camera-infested roads I am more likely to commit a traffic violation. Main Disadvantage: domestic disharmony. Since not drinking, life at home has been very difficult and I have endeavoured to spend as much time as possible "out". My elderly (housebound) flat mate is a drinker. I find it difficult to cope with her when she is drunk and also do not appreciate that she expects me to buy her booze for her every day. Previously if we were both drunk then it was a shared and common experience and buying booze was definitely not an issue as there was always a large stock of it indoors. Now if she gets shit faced and rat arsed she blames me because I bought the wrong bottle or failed to stop her drinking too much. Her children give me very little support. In fact, her son once beat me up because he was so drunk. His mother refused to make a statement to the Police as witness. A more mundane example: they will moan at me if I buy her vodka. But I will get moaned at something rotten if I come home without any drink at all and supermarkets do not sell her drink of choice which is strong lager. Most do not sell half bottles of vodka. If she gets a bottle of vodka she will drink it all and then get really out of control. Somehow that is my fault. Her daughter bought her vodka tonight which she drank on top of two cans of strong lager, but that is OK. Since when did her drink problem become my drinking problem and why should I now be responsible for her drinking too much when I have enough difficulty not drinking myself? Social Life: excluding visits to AA meetings has not changed much. Go to pubs a lot more, but these visits can hardly be classed as social because most of the time the only person I get to speak to is the barman when I ask for my diet coke. Go to the gym less because of AA meetings time commitment. Visit one of my friends who lives 10 miles out of town more because I can drive and he stays up late, but he has stopped coming to my place, unless we are going out clubbing. Stopped visiting friends who I would normally share a bottle with. Met a girl but she is a heavy drinker and smoker, and being TT and non-smoker is not good. When I do go to the pub or out clubbing, it is nowhere as much fun. When everyone around you is pissed like on New Years Eve or at a televised big football match and you are the only one sober, you do not fit in and you do not get the jokes and you don't laugh like everyone else. Skipped Xmas dinners and parties rather than be faced by lots of free flowing booze - missed my mates. Xmas was very dull and I managed to sleep through most of it successfully, definitely not full of the usual festive fun and joy. Missed going round all the neighbours with a bottle and getting back legless. The only friend who used to moan because I drank is agraphobic, depressive and prone to anxiety attacks. Since I stopped drinking when I go to see him he has found other things to moan about, such as the beef being too tough that I had just spent hours cooking for him. Now I am sober he never phones me or invites me round. Some people just like to moan. Sex Life: a lot fewer shags because when I am sober I am too sensible (mean?) to pay for it. I have tried other methods instead, like buying drinks for girls and taking them out but this has worked out much more costly than paying a professional and so far has not yielded any positive results. Pros dont prattle on for hours about nothing and don't lambast you because your mate has shagged her mate and most importantly of all won't tell you that you are going to be a daddy. Work No difference. I used to take the odd day off with a hangover, but now I have to take time out to go to the gym because gym time has been eroded by AA meetings. Finish earlier to go to AA Meetings but this is balanced by the desire to stay longer at work to avoid going home. Staff think I should drink because I was "more cheerful then and a lot less moody". Have had to completely revise the interview method for staff recruitment: go down the club for happy hours as the preliminary and secondary and for the final interview open a bottle of vodka and throw away the top. Health Weight has increased. I was expecting the reverse because I was drinking 1500 calories a day. But now instead of pouring a drink I make a sandwich or have a plate of spag bol. When I gave up smoking earlier in the year, I felt a massive improvement in my well-being after 24 hours. I can honestly say that I do not feel any better for not drinking. Happiness: In sobriety, I have come to realise that one the main reasons I drank was because I was bored and lonely. The old cliche is that you are never alone with Jack (Daniels) and Johnny (Walker) for company and this is very true. Now I don't drink, I am plain bored and lonely. At least when I was pissed "it was a laugh". Laughter is a rare commodity these days: "Team America" made me laugh when I saw it with two sober friends but it would probably have been a lot funnier with a couple of mates who were pissed and stoned. Going out is almost painful. I do quite enjoy observing people's behaviour modifications as the quantity of alcohol they consume increases over the evening, but this puts me in the role of "observer" and "outsider". Sometimes I am glad to be sober when someone becomes violent or I see someone collapsed in the street outside a club. However, the girl being carried home by her friends will look back on that night with her mates and they will all laugh about it - I simply observed it and it was nothing special for me to look back on with fond memories. The violent psychopath who wanted to punch my lights out because of the colour shirt I was wearing will probably wake up jail sometime and not be able to remember why. Pubs take the piss out of non-drinkers. I have to pay more per cubic centimeter for orange juice than I would for lager. A liter of OJ costs me 19 pence in the supermarket and there is no duty on it. Pubs have coffee machines, but whenever you ask for coffee they have stopped serving. In my local if you have a short then you can make it a double for just £1 more - but there are no concessions on soft drinks, which contain at least 25 per cent ice. Its far better value for money to be a drinker. I miss getting pissed. Conclusion A few weeks ago I met a woman at an AA meeting and later at an AA dance. She had been sober for 23 years and still goes to at least one meeting a day. She asked me if I was feeling better now that I had stopped drinking and I had to answer her truthfully that I was not. Her advice was to give it 90 days and if I was not feeling better by then to go back to drinking. My main worry is that in two weeks time I am going to a training course in Sicily and if I wait the full 90 days I could badly mess up what could be a really enjoyable time.

Hi Stan!

I remember in early recovery (a few months sober) complaining about my life.  I told my sponsor, "My life sucks!"

He smiled and said, "Thats Great!"  You are making Progress!"  This took me by surprise, and I asked him..."Did you understand what I said?"  My life sucks BIG time!!"  He smiled again, and replied, "I understood you, and yes, its Great and yes, you are making progress!"

I frowned at him and asked, "what do you mean?" My life is suckin' and you say its great and I'm making progress????"

He smiled and replied in a calm voice... "John, your life sucked for 30 years and you didn't have a clue, not even a suspicion, at least when it sucks now, you are sober enough to know it" 

"Keep comin' back... you are making progress!"

He patted me on the back and walked away.

Yours In Recovery,

John

P.S. On Dec 21st, 2005 I celebrated 15 years of continuous sobriety and life doesn't suck nearly as bad as it once did 

Thank you for your comments. Congratulations on achieving 15 years of sobriety. It probably feels a lot longer. Your tale reminds me of the story about the Arabian silk merchant, which was told in a book called Zen Flesh and Zen Bones. The rich merchant goes to the Guru and says "I want to be happy." The Guru tells him to leave his beautiful home and his family, give away all his money and personal possessions and travel the land in rags and beg for food for a period of 15 years. After 15 years the once rich and healthy man goes back to the Guru as an emaciated old man with no hair, no teeth and only one eye. "Have you found happiness?" asks the Guru. "No" replies the old man. "Of course not, you have no hair, no teeth and only eye. Fifteen years ago you had youth and health. And above all you were rich: you had a beautiful house, lots of money and all the luxuries. You were happy 15 years ago." A life of sobriety is not necessarily always better. You can't get pissed in jail but I would not recommend the lifestyle.

Good morning Stan. Congratulations on two months, sounds like your having a hard time, well done for sticking to it!

Best wishes.

 

Chris.

Hi Chris Thanks for your comments. A hard time? Not especially Life is hard and then you die

Stan

Congrats on 2 months  It will get better!!!  Your tied in first place, YOU DIDN"T HAVE A DRINK TODAY!!!  A man at a meeting said the same exact thing the other day, in not so many words.  Being a A---  SUCKS-- I was thinking gratitued!!!   A grateful recovering A--- dosen't drink!!! I remember thinking HOW CAN ANYBODY BE GRATEFUL--kept coming back and found out!!!

GOOD LUCK  NO ONE SAID IT"S EASY!!  GIVE TIME TIME

Hey Stan,Glad you are here sharing your experience in sobriety.Congratulations on 2 months.

In Feb. I will have 20 years,I know that sounds like a long time to you ,but it seems just like yesterday to me. I had drank for 17 years,I will be 50 in March.The worst days sober have been better then my best days drunk. I wouldn't trade the journey for anything.

On the other hand my husband of 21 years is now in a half-way house, after spending time in prison for felony DUI.He has been in and out of AA for 18 years.

I came to the program sober, came in through Al-anon, the steps have taught me how to live life on lifes terms, gave me the God I could not find anywhere else,taugh me how to laugh and I have made friends that stick closer than my brother.Thanks for letting me share my experience,strength and hope.

Please keep coming here, keep posting, it does get easier.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Thanks for sharing your experience GammyRose