>Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, >for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just take off >and leave me alone. > > § The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan >belt and a flat tire. > > § The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're >going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time >to do it. > > · Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you >aren't getting any. > > § Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be >replaced, you can't be promoted. > > § Remember, no-one is listening until you give off gas. > > § Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else. > > § Never test the depth of the water with both feet. > > § If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try >missing a couple of mortgage payments > > § Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their >shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you >have their shoes. > > § If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving. > > § Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how >to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. > > § Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person >again? It was probably worth it. > > § If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. > > § Some days we are the flies; some days we are the >windscreen. > > > > § Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from >bad judgment. > > § The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half >and put it back in your pocket. > > § A closed mouth gathers no feet. > > § There are two theories about how to win an argument with a >woman. Neither one works. > > § Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips >are moving. > > § Never miss a good chance to shut up. > > § Experience is something you don't get until just after you >need it. > > § When we are born-- we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get >smacked on our butts. From there on in, life gets worse > > § The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not >laughed. >

> A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.
> That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight
> of an eight-point buck.  "Where's Henry"; the others asked.  "Henry had a
> stroke of some kind.  He's a couple of miles back up the trail" the
> successful hunter replied.
>
> "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they
> inquired.
>
> "A tough call." nodded the hunter.  "But I figured no one is going to
> steal Henry!"
>

Good morning all.

Phil and Rick, thanks for the laugh, it's been a long week and I needed something funny.

Hope everyone is well and sober.

Bye for now.

Chris.

Those sayings are all so true. Just like life: Thursday I go to an accountants' meeting on a really boring subject, which happened to be the Regulation of Accountancy Practices and Ethical Guidelines. We are supposed to be nice and kind to loan sharks and internet spam scuzballs (professional courtesy) and report our clients, who pay us their their hard-earned money. to the Secret Police for minor things like filling the Companies House Annual Return late or failing to repay a customer who has overpaid by as little a penny (Financial Crimes Legislation). I believe I may have committed a criminal offence by telling you that. Drink flows freely at the meeting and the lecture always starts late so people can get in lots of booze. Topped up glasses are brought into the lecture room, which is itself is another bar of the which the high ceiling has scrawls on it done under the influence. A good number of my colleagues have a substantial drink "habit". The accountants are a happy bunch and, despite what our regulators and the government throw at us, keep a positive mental attitude. "Oh more stupid boxes on meaningless forms to tick". "Have you ever known anyone fail to say that they are a 'fit and proper person' to be an accountant on the Regulators Form? They'd have to be really stupid to do that." Black humoour abounds. Lavatorial and anal humour is particularly popular among us number-crunchers. Although everyone else is having a drink or two or three, no-one condemns me for not having one. No-one even objected that as Vice Chair, I bunked off the Xmas Dinner to go to an AA meeting. After the Thursday meeting I feel refreshed by the brush with humanity, camaraderie and friendship. Having a drink is the last thing on my mind. Friday I go to an AA Meeting in a comfortable, modern well appointed room. Lots of angst. Deperate stories about about bail hearings and the likelihood of being kicked out of rehab. I make a joke about me being spotted this afternoon buying cans of Kestrel Super (not for me!!) by one of the group. Complete lack of sense of the humour of the situation in the meeting and I get a verbal thrashing. I could do with a drink after that.

-- Edited by stancamden at 22:02, 2005-01-21

-- Edited by stancamden at 22:36, 2005-01-21