After a meeting tonight, someone asked if I had a sponsor and had started "the Programme". I answered that, as I had given up drinking I did not see the need to do so. I added that I was put off the "Steps" by the references to god and I did not see how I could do 12 steps if the first one did not make any sense to me. "What do you mean?" I had to admit that my life was not unmanageable and that I did not feel powerless over alcohol. "You can't be an alcoholic then. So why do you come to meetings then?" Because I am lonely and drank because there was nothing else to do, and I enjoyed meeting people at the meetings and going for coffee or dinner afterwards. And because I drank 8 bottles of spririts a week for years. Somebody asked me why I gave up drinking. I explained that I had a sore tooth and was put on a course of antibiotics to kill the gum infection, which resulted in not drinking for a week. After the week was up, I had a clear choice either to buy 8 bottles of bourbon or vodka for the next week or not . So I ended up going to an AA meeting and not buying the booze. One smartass said that the booze had caused the tooth problems by denying me the capability of cleaning my teeth. Only a Californian could come up with that one !!! Later, over dinner one person said he knew someone who had Elvis as his higher power. On here I heard about someone who had Mu (no-thing) as their higher power. I was thinking about having Fat Freddies Cat as mine, should I ever embark on the steps. Tonight people seemed to be peeved that I was not following the programme. Before Xmas I was just as firmly shown the door because I did not pray. So is it enough to not drink any more? Why do people seem to pushing god and praying on to me and telling me that just not drinking is not enough? Is it acceptable to go to AA meetings and not "tread the steps"? Should I stop going to AA? I thought the aim of the game was not drinking, or am I missing something? Another thing that worries me a bit is that I have recently met people who have been sober for donkeys years, yet still go to at least one meeting a day. Have they swapped one addiction for another. Am I going to become a meeting junkie too?

Hi Stan,

First of all, I hope it's okay with you for me to type out the meaning of AA Here:

"Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. 

There are do dues or fees for membership;  we are self-supporting through our own contributions.  AA is not allied with any sect, demomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any other causes.

Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help others achieve sobriety."

Also Stan, in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it states that alcoholism is but a symption of a deeper underlying problem. 

By the time I came to AA, I had had it with God and was finished with Him! Because of HIm, my life had become a mess, to put it mildly.  One member suggested that I look to a universal power, like the very thing that keeps our planets on their axels and from twisting and flying willy nilly in outer space.  I could buy that... A Universal Power.  Then of course, later, as the cobwebs cleared from my brain, I realized that God wasn't the cause of my mess... it was self-will run riot!

But anyhow,  I've seen it happen over and over again... those who didn't work the 12-Steps of AA, went back out to drink and were never more to be seen or heard from.  So, I think, the members around you care and are probably concerned for you and kinda trying to push you into working the 12-Steps!  I found that each and every Step is a design for living the good life... a quality life.

The Big Book of AA also deals with not making AA one's whole life.  From the Steps, I personally learned to put balance into my life.  I continue in AA because I wish to help others who are still suffering.  I'm a sponsor to several people and it's been the greatest experience of my life (next to being a wife and mother). 

When someone seems to be pushing you a little tooooooooo hard on working the Steps, Stan, perhaps you could simply reply "Thanks, I'm still thinking about it." 

I hope I've helped you a little bit. Please keep coming back!  I'm glad you're here.

Love and prayers,

Alice

 

 

Thank you for your help

Hey Stan!! My man!! Been a few days Bud.:) Yu just do what feels best for you, my freind.-- take what you need and leave the rest. When it comes right down to it, we are just a bunch of drunks tryin to stay sober one day at a time, and holding each others hand, so we dont hafta do it all alone. Whatever works for you. The 12 steps are suggested only--Higher Power? I told them all to shove it.:) I just used the meetings and fellowship, for a long time. And yup-they all tried to shove it down my throat too. I rebelled. My attitude wasnt just the best for a long time.:) Found out There were a few problems besides the booze. Ouch!! Tell me to do something and Ile do the opposite. hahaha Take care of you my freind. One day at a time. ----------------------------------------------------- DW? Hows it goin young lady? You bouncing around yet, or still recouperating from recouperating? Its 7 above zero here F --Im still checkin the mail box for my ticket-hehehe Have a good weekend Gal!!

Hi Phil Nice to hear from you mate. Hope you are keeping well and happy, Rebel? You betcha. Sure I have plenty of personality defects that contributed to my drinking: difficulty making and keeping friends, no social life, inability to get into a sexual relationship. Some of the things that other people find so easy, seem to be impossible for me. I drank cos I was lonely and there was nothing better to do. Today I visiting an old friend, my first invite for 20 years. Better hit the road before its starts to get dark.

Not drinking is the first thing, that is called sobriety,,,,   changing the reasons why we think that made drinking our major coping skill is the second thing, that is called recovery.  The loneliness that you mention is common, and the inadequate social skills is also common....   recovery means working on these issues in better ways than drinking accomplished. I was at a meeting this morning wherein someone mentioned knowing a few alcoholics who are no longer drinking but are still miserable people because they stopped drinking but didn't get into recovery.

AA is a spiritual program and the Steps do involve  'coming to believe in a Power greater than ourselves',   however it is not required that Step 2 be done perfectly, or even Step 1 for a person to be a member. I am sorry that people are taking your inventory and pressuring you,,,   and I would tell them to 'focus on themselves' and get off my case. I also have heard of people making doorknobs their HP,,, which is totally ridiculous,,,  but people have to come to know God in their own way and time, including you. For now it is enough that you just don't drink and attend meetings.  I might try attending a different group if the one you are now attending doesn't seem to be following the program themselves in constructive ways.

My own understanding of God has changed considerably in the years I have been in the program,,,  and is not finished changing.  The only thing that is mentioned that will really impede progress in recovery is the inability to be honest, and that means not just about our past, but to be open to really learn something if a new Truth presents itself to you. Teachability.

love in recovery,

amanda

Hey Stan,I'm really glad you have decided to stop drinking. I have a question? Are there other AA groups in your area, if there are maybe you could check out one of those, see if a different one fits better.

Where I live there is only one group, so there is no choice. We have a lot of court ordered ,probation or parole people who come to our meetings, we have to sign their papers. But I have never seen anything but love and respect for these people in our group. I learned tolerance and respect from AA, if someone doesn't want to pray,nothing is said.They quietly leave the group and wait until we are through praying or leave the meeting.As far as the Serenity Prayer at the beginning , I'm to busy saying the prayer to notice if everyone else is saying it. It doesn't matter.I have been in meetings where the chair may forget to start the meeting with the prayer and I will ask if we can say it, it's important to me.

Most of the court ordered people are not there to work the program, we know that and we just follow the program as always and I pray for them. I have actually seen a few get a sponsor, work the steps and stay in the program.I know that for me the suggested  format has worked, I have a higher power I call God,I have friends who understand me ,I have learned more about what makes Rose  the person she is, the good,the bad, the ugly. I can now reach out to others and give back what I was given in AA and I would not give up this journey for anything or anybody.

Stan, I was sober for 6 years before I walked thru the doors of AA and I was just that, sober. Today I'm sober, joyful (most of the time) and free. There is a difference. I hope you keep going to meetings and I'm glad you are here.

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

 

Sorry Stan - but I am laughing my little butt of over here!

There is a term, that I learned in AA... I am not sure if it is unique to Aus... but it gets used fairly often when folks start trying to do your inventory and step ahead of you like its their right or something...

I have heard it roared, whispered, giggled, snarled and even stated with the eloquence only a 70 year old gent can share...

and it usually always leaves the 'know-it-all's' speechless.

The words are:

Blow it out your a*se!

(I think the Americans may spell it differently... like it kinda refers to a donkey...)

Don't get caught up in the politics of group functions Stan. Stay focussed on what you want. You are there to stay stopped, yeah? Maybe meet a few friends with a common goal? Well, you are doing a very good job of both those things if you are sober today. That's all it comes down to mate.

The tricky thing about the whole Recovery thing is that once we take on this desire, we start wanting to recover so many things - sometimes this get confused with things that we may never have even had to start with. Sometimes it's just better to get back to our primary purpose, and AA's laid that out nice and simple.

A desire to stop drinking.

You've got that mate. We all have that, or we wouldn't be here. No matter how many other perspectives enter and how sidetracked we or others may get - we are all stepping from the same foundation. We want to stop drinking and stay stopped.

You'll be right. Just keep on grinning - and maybe notice when and who uses cliches and why. Some of us have needed to immerse ourselves so heavily in the program as such, that we can become or appear robotic for a while. Eventually we have to step beyond the training program and begin living again. Putting into practice, all the retraining we have given our brains. That is not an easy thing, and can take some time. You may not need that immersion - but others will if they want to stay sober. Some brains need major retraining (cognitive restructuring) and the steps provide this.

The way I see it, you have two option (though there is bound to be more...)

You can either try to understand them, or you can just get on with trying to understand yourself and tell them to Blow it out their a*rse.

I have to admit, it took me a while to start trying the first option...

 

Hi Nic As I was driving up from Bath to London on the M4 motorway yesterday I inadvertantly followed your advice and blew it out my a**e. It was quite a long way between services and I had to change motorways onto the M25 so I missed the next services at Heston. Once I got on to the M40 and it ran into the A40, I phoned my friend and checked it was OK to call round. Straight to the bathroom I dashed, and sure enough it was blown out of my donkey. With what remained unblown I managed to block the toilet. Fortunately there was a plunger to get things moving along. Have you got a slightly less messy suggestion or am I being too Pommy?

-- Edited by stancamden at 19:54, 2005-01-17

lots and lots of laughs!!!!

Mmm. Didn't realise I was speaking to an English gentleman.. Mmm. have just this week received an email from an English relative begging me to please remember that things are different there and can I please use some discretion when writing to his 90 odd year old mother!!! Ha-ha. Tis very funny, because it is very hard not to think of Prince Charlie pinky sipping tea when folks start saying things like that... 

My gran is English - when people used to cut her off. She would stick her thumb in the air and blow a raspberry! Used to crack me up every time... I'd always ask her..."What is that Gran? What's that mean?" She would put on one of those 'I don't like olives' looks and just say... "Oh, you know!"

I never did work it out... Maybe that's how the English tell folks to blow it out their ar*e????

Whatever works, mate.