This board moves quite quickly, with lots of people popping in, so thought I would post again to make sure you know you have been noticed, and we are glad you're here.
You asked, "What is a dry drunk?"
... to me it is just living sober. I am dry, as long as I don't pick up a drink. Sometimes I lose my clarity, I get angry, impatient, confused or needy - and some folks like to refer to that as "dry drunkeness" - to me it is just living sober. It is living life on lifes terms, without the numbing affects of alcohol, and learning to stay real about the feelings, responses and responsibilities that come along too... and then admitting when I come short of my own potential, and lose my temper, the plot or myself. The very worst I have been dry, is NOWHERE NEAR as harmful as I was when I was drinking. So to me, it can't really be interpreted as a bad thing. Dry is dry. That's what I am. Today. I can never forget that for many years I drank more than I wanted to. I did a lot of dumb things. I hurt many. I lost all I am prepared to lose. That makes me a drunk. Drunk is drunk. That's what I am - the moment I pick up another drink.
To be perfectly honest, I tend to tune out a bit when folks start using that term to describe a short period of time - like it has no affect on the rest of our lives or the lives of others. I start listening again, when they get honest and begin to admit their real shortcomings or how they hurt others, and how they intend to make amends. But that doesn't mean it's right... it just works for me...helps me stay focussed on progress, and those around me soon realise that if they want my attention, they'll have it when they begin stepping forward too.
There is another interpretation too... often used by family members when someone gets sober, but their relationship doesn't change and the magic fairy doesn't come. Some folks decide that getting sober should mean we start doing what they want, or will experience some sort of instant transformation into some long wished for Princess or Knight in shining armour, and of course, that's not very real either. So they explain it a bit like this "S/He stopped drinking BUT now I just have a dry drunk"... Yep, that's what they've got alright. Can't argue with that... If a drunk is dry, then that's a good thing. No ifs, no buts... It is.
I hope I've answered your question, if not, I'm sure this topic will lead to some interesting interpretations. These are my interpretations - they may be very wrong for some, but they are right for me. If you're here, and you have questions, then your off to a great start. You will decide what rings right for you - and there will be your answer.
I'm glad you're here and look forward to hearing from you again.
All the best,
Nic
amanda2u2 said
Jan 2, 2005
Hi, sorry to have to disagree with you, Nic, but a dry drunk is not living sober. exactly. It means to demonstrate the same behaviors without booze that we do with booze. I often joke that a dry drunk is cheaper than a wet one, cuz we save the expense of the actual liquor. I have heard that the first part for us is to stop the booze,, that is sober,,, but the second part is to change the stinking thinking, negative behaviors and attitudes,, that is recovery.
I'll find where it is in the 12 X 12 when I get back from church.
love in recovery,
amanda
catherine said
Jan 2, 2005
quote:
Originally posted by: Nic You asked, "What is a dry drunk?" ... to me it is just living sober. I am dry, as long as I don't pick up a drink. Sometimes I lose my clarity, I get angry, impatient, confused or needy - and some folks like to refer to that as "dry drunkeness" - to me it is just living sober. It is living life on lifes terms, without the numbing affects of alcohol, and learning to stay real about the feelings, responses and responsibilities that come along too... and then admitting when I come short of my own potential, and lose my temper, the plot or myself.
Hi Hoolia,
I agree w/Nic. I would like to add that most of these feeling are very heavy & need to be treated with kindness--of & to yourself. You may or may not have gotten it anywhere else, so let it start with you. You can be kind to yourself. Don't forget to let your HP in so that he/she can take care of you. (that's a tough one for me......lol).
The bonus to this is along with the negative feelings there comes the positive feelings of happiness, peace, contentment, acceptence...don't forget those--that's the good stuff that goes w/recovery.
Any how, which, where, or what you get from a 12-step program is in YOUR control. I go online a lot & I need to go to more f2f meetings.
What works for one, may or may not work for others. You can go along at your own pace & be comfortable with it. Take what you want & leave the rest.....
You are off to a good start, you're here!!
Welcome
catherine
Hoolia said
Jan 2, 2005
Thanks to everyone for the welcome and the information. I hope you all have a happy new year. I know that mine will be better since I stopped drinking last fall. I'm here on this board because I can't deal with groups. But I'm here to learn and to get support and once again, thanks!
amanda2u2 said
Jan 2, 2005
I found the paragraph on what a dry drunk or dry bender is... this is official... taken from Step 10 of the "12 Step and 12 Tradition" book:
p.88
"When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion - anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers.
p. 90
"Few people have been more victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our resentments were justified or not. A burst of temper could spoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely. These emotional 'dry benders' often led straight to the bottle. Other kinds of disturbances - jealousy, envy, self-pity, or hurt pride - did the same thing.
Welcome Hoolia!
This board moves quite quickly, with lots of people popping in, so thought I would post again to make sure you know you have been noticed, and we are glad you're here.
You asked, "What is a dry drunk?"
... to me it is just living sober. I am dry, as long as I don't pick up a drink. Sometimes I lose my clarity, I get angry, impatient, confused or needy - and some folks like to refer to that as "dry drunkeness" - to me it is just living sober. It is living life on lifes terms, without the numbing affects of alcohol, and learning to stay real about the feelings, responses and responsibilities that come along too... and then admitting when I come short of my own potential, and lose my temper, the plot or myself. The very worst I have been dry, is NOWHERE NEAR as harmful as I was when I was drinking. So to me, it can't really be interpreted as a bad thing. Dry is dry. That's what I am. Today. I can never forget that for many years I drank more than I wanted to. I did a lot of dumb things. I hurt many. I lost all I am prepared to lose. That makes me a drunk. Drunk is drunk. That's what I am - the moment I pick up another drink.
To be perfectly honest, I tend to tune out a bit when folks start using that term to describe a short period of time - like it has no affect on the rest of our lives or the lives of others. I start listening again, when they get honest and begin to admit their real shortcomings or how they hurt others, and how they intend to make amends. But that doesn't mean it's right... it just works for me...helps me stay focussed on progress, and those around me soon realise that if they want my attention, they'll have it when they begin stepping forward too.
There is another interpretation too... often used by family members when someone gets sober, but their relationship doesn't change and the magic fairy doesn't come. Some folks decide that getting sober should mean we start doing what they want, or will experience some sort of instant transformation into some long wished for Princess or Knight in shining armour, and of course, that's not very real either. So they explain it a bit like this "S/He stopped drinking BUT now I just have a dry drunk"... Yep, that's what they've got alright. Can't argue with that... If a drunk is dry, then that's a good thing. No ifs, no buts... It is.
I hope I've answered your question, if not, I'm sure this topic will lead to some interesting interpretations. These are my interpretations - they may be very wrong for some, but they are right for me. If you're here, and you have questions, then your off to a great start. You will decide what rings right for you - and there will be your answer.
I'm glad you're here and look forward to hearing from you again.
All the best,
Nic
Hi, sorry to have to disagree with you, Nic, but a dry drunk is not living sober. exactly. It means to demonstrate the same behaviors without booze that we do with booze. I often joke that a dry drunk is cheaper than a wet one, cuz we save the expense of the actual liquor. I have heard that the first part for us is to stop the booze,, that is sober,,, but the second part is to change the stinking thinking, negative behaviors and attitudes,, that is recovery.
I'll find where it is in the 12 X 12 when I get back from church.
love in recovery,
amanda
Thanks to everyone for the welcome and the information. I hope you all have a happy new year. I know that mine will be better since I stopped drinking last fall. I'm here on this board because I can't deal with groups. But I'm here to learn and to get support and once again, thanks!
I found the paragraph on what a dry drunk or dry bender is... this is official... taken from Step 10 of the "12 Step and 12 Tradition" book:
p.88
"When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion - anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers.
p. 90
"Few people have been more victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. It mattered little whether our resentments were justified or not. A burst of temper could spoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely. These emotional 'dry benders' often led straight to the bottle. Other kinds of disturbances - jealousy, envy, self-pity, or hurt pride - did the same thing.