I was browsing the internet and found your site after coming to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic.
I am young, only 22 years old and are what some people call a "functional addict." I have the nice job, I'm active in my community, I was always class President in High School and performed in all the school plays. I do quite a lot with my time but black out frequently when drinking and have done so since I was 15.
I had the wake up moments so many times and somehow I still continue to drink. Date rape, waking up in a strangers apartment, fights, cheating, lying, crying, pain, losing friends, so many dissapointed faces...
There have been a couple of interventions over the years by friends. Usually, they aren't that alarmed because I can show many successes in my day to day and seem to keep it relatively together. I don't think that my parents want to accept that I have a problem because I am the together child, making good money and out on my own. I don't drink everyday. I used to think that I don't NEED alcohol so how can I have a problem? yeah, I get wasted but everyone does from time to time. I just won't drink liquor. I'll stick with wine and beer. It never lasts when I try that. I always think I can handle it.
I am out of control. I do not have the control my friends have. They just don't understand how I get so drunk. Why I don't stop myself when I've had too much and how I possibly can't remember what happened the night before.
I feel like a liar; a fake, a fraud. I feel as if I go to work everyday and no one realizes how messed up I really am.
Last night, I blacked out. I celebrated New Year's eve, like Halloween, and when I see old friends or celebrate my birthdays. I can't tell you why I have large bruises on my knee. I don't remember getting into an altercation with another random woman. I spent the day on this couch where I sit now in agony from another hangover. I called my boyfriend crying after throwing up for an hour or so and told him I was sorry for my actions. It was gorgeous outside today in Washington DC. An abnormal 68 degrees. And I didn't once step outside or move.
It's almost as if, I have multiple personalities. Sober Lauren who is so successful and sharp in a boardroom and drunk, destructive, selfish, Lauren.
My job doesn't help the drinking. I am expected to network, I am expected to go to lunch with clients and attend cocktail hours.
I am sick of making excuses.
Today starts day 1 for me.
I am looking through various sites and it all seems overwhelming to me. How do I know a good group from another? Do I call first?
Any help would be greatly appreciated. Resources, websites that are good. Hey, if I can quit smoking I am bound to be able to quit drinking? :)
When I quit smoking, I announced to everyone around me that this is what I was doing, that I was serious and that they should help me. It created a circle of support and everyone was cheering me on....
I was thinking of doing something similar to my core group of friends and family.
I am scared to let down my parents and admit that I have a problem. I am the together child. I have a brother with addictive problems who has been in and out of rehabs breaking there hearts many times. He is the focus of their attention. I am the successful one and they really don't understand that I probably have worse issues than him.
Thank you for having this site. Just writing this out has helped me immensely. I look forward to using it as a resource and checking back when I'm feeling down.
--Lauren
amanda2u2 said
Jan 1, 2005
wow! You sound just like my friend! He has a good job but feels inside like he is messed up and doesn't deserve it,, and so he sabotages himself. But that is his story. I also can relate to feeling like there are two me's.. I have shared that my 'Doris Day' is the functional appearing one, while 'Janis Joplin' is how I feel inside. I am recovering though, I am glad and grateful to be able to say. About finding a good group... the thing is to call the AA number in the phone book to get a list of meetings, and then try them and see which one you think is most constructive and positive in being serious about learning the program and recovering. They will not be have gossip fests, or being whining about how it is somebody else's fault they are there. They will be into sharing perspectives on the program that are helpful and focussed on self-improvement and not sef-justification. No group is perfect and there is always some kind of mix of people with various motivations and styles and at various levels of recovery, including those who have just slipped and are coming back, and those who are 'trying to find an easier softer way' by bs'ing. When you go, ask for the literature,,, the Big Book and the 12Steps & 12 Traditions book, along with a thought for the day book. Thata way you can be more independent in learning the program by doing some reading. It is not necessary to make any big announcements right away. Further down the Steps, like Step 9 (the amendment step) you will be doing some of that. Of course you are free to do whatever you think is best for your situation.
welcome to recovery!
amanda
Cabbageheadchris said
Jan 1, 2005
Hi Lauren. Welcome to the site.
Your story sounds a familiar one, it sounds similar in some ways to how I was, and how I felt before I stoped drinking. It's best that you've realised that you have a problem sooner rather than later, It never gets better with continuing drinking.
As for finding a good group, I agree with Amanda. You will have quite a few in your local area and they will all be slightly different. Try them and find the best one for you. You will meet lots of people who have all been through the same sorts of problems and come out the other side. No one at the meetings will be there to judge you, just there to support you.
Parents: I was terrified of how my parents would react when I whent into hospital for a detox. They supported me, knowing that I would be better off sober.
Life will be better now that you've made the decision to stop drinking.
Keep coming back here, it's a good place to be with some great people.
Welcome to recovery, just take it one day at a time.
Best wishes.
Chris.
DblWinnr said
Jan 2, 2005
Please accept my Welcome too, Lauren,
I'm glad to see you here and I hope you'll keep coming back on a regular basis to share with us. Please don't wait until you're feeling down. We're here for you and you don't ever have to struggle alone. Many of us have been there, done that...
You have my respect and admiration for taking that big step of action for sobriety at your young age. My daughter came into the AA program when she was 23 and today she has 16 years of continuous sobriety. My son was 24 when he came into AA and now has 17 years of continuous sobriety. We're indeed a miracle family and all because of Alcoholics Anonymous... the meetings with compassionate and caring members who share their experiences, strengths and hope, and of course, working the 12 Steps with a sponsor and reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which many refer to as our bible. These are our sure-fire tools on our recovery path.
For me, it was a matter of how badly do I want sobriety and was I willing to go to any lengths to get it. I was and did... and my cup runneth over.
If you would like to share and discuss the AA program with me and/or would like for me to send helpful material to your e-mailbox, please feel free to e-mail me at: DblWinnr@yahoo.com
Hi there,
I was browsing the internet and found your site after coming to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic.
I am young, only 22 years old and are what some people call a "functional addict." I have the nice job, I'm active in my community, I was always class President in High School and performed in all the school plays. I do quite a lot with my time but black out frequently when drinking and have done so since I was 15.
I had the wake up moments so many times and somehow I still continue to drink. Date rape, waking up in a strangers apartment, fights, cheating, lying, crying, pain, losing friends, so many dissapointed faces...
There have been a couple of interventions over the years by friends. Usually, they aren't that alarmed because I can show many successes in my day to day and seem to keep it relatively together. I don't think that my parents want to accept that I have a problem because I am the together child, making good money and out on my own. I don't drink everyday. I used to think that I don't NEED alcohol so how can I have a problem? yeah, I get wasted but everyone does from time to time. I just won't drink liquor. I'll stick with wine and beer. It never lasts when I try that. I always think I can handle it.
I am out of control. I do not have the control my friends have. They just don't understand how I get so drunk. Why I don't stop myself when I've had too much and how I possibly can't remember what happened the night before.
I feel like a liar; a fake, a fraud. I feel as if I go to work everyday and no one realizes how messed up I really am.
Last night, I blacked out. I celebrated New Year's eve, like Halloween, and when I see old friends or celebrate my birthdays. I can't tell you why I have large bruises on my knee. I don't remember getting into an altercation with another random woman. I spent the day on this couch where I sit now in agony from another hangover. I called my boyfriend crying after throwing up for an hour or so and told him I was sorry for my actions. It was gorgeous outside today in Washington DC. An abnormal 68 degrees. And I didn't once step outside or move.
It's almost as if, I have multiple personalities. Sober Lauren who is so successful and sharp in a boardroom and drunk, destructive, selfish, Lauren.
My job doesn't help the drinking. I am expected to network, I am expected to go to lunch with clients and attend cocktail hours.
I am sick of making excuses.
Today starts day 1 for me.
I am looking through various sites and it all seems overwhelming to me. How do I know a good group from another? Do I call first?
Any help would be greatly appreciated. Resources, websites that are good. Hey, if I can quit smoking I am bound to be able to quit drinking? :)
When I quit smoking, I announced to everyone around me that this is what I was doing, that I was serious and that they should help me. It created a circle of support and everyone was cheering me on....
I was thinking of doing something similar to my core group of friends and family.
I am scared to let down my parents and admit that I have a problem. I am the together child. I have a brother with addictive problems who has been in and out of rehabs breaking there hearts many times. He is the focus of their attention. I am the successful one and they really don't understand that I probably have worse issues than him.
Thank you for having this site. Just writing this out has helped me immensely. I look forward to using it as a resource and checking back when I'm feeling down.
--Lauren
wow! You sound just like my friend! He has a good job but feels inside like he is messed up and doesn't deserve it,, and so he sabotages himself. But that is his story. I also can relate to feeling like there are two me's.. I have shared that my 'Doris Day' is the functional appearing one, while 'Janis Joplin' is how I feel inside. I am recovering though, I am glad and grateful to be able to say. About finding a good group... the thing is to call the AA number in the phone book to get a list of meetings, and then try them and see which one you think is most constructive and positive in being serious about learning the program and recovering. They will not be have gossip fests, or being whining about how it is somebody else's fault they are there. They will be into sharing perspectives on the program that are helpful and focussed on self-improvement and not sef-justification. No group is perfect and there is always some kind of mix of people with various motivations and styles and at various levels of recovery, including those who have just slipped and are coming back, and those who are 'trying to find an easier softer way' by bs'ing. When you go, ask for the literature,,, the Big Book and the 12Steps & 12 Traditions book, along with a thought for the day book. Thata way you can be more independent in learning the program by doing some reading. It is not necessary to make any big announcements right away. Further down the Steps, like Step 9 (the amendment step) you will be doing some of that. Of course you are free to do whatever you think is best for your situation.
welcome to recovery!
amanda
Hi Lauren. Welcome to the site.
Your story sounds a familiar one, it sounds similar in some ways to how I was, and how I felt before I stoped drinking. It's best that you've realised that you have a problem sooner rather than later, It never gets better with continuing drinking.
As for finding a good group, I agree with Amanda. You will have quite a few in your local area and they will all be slightly different. Try them and find the best one for you. You will meet lots of people who have all been through the same sorts of problems and come out the other side. No one at the meetings will be there to judge you, just there to support you.
Parents: I was terrified of how my parents would react when I whent into hospital for a detox. They supported me, knowing that I would be better off sober.
Life will be better now that you've made the decision to stop drinking.
Keep coming back here, it's a good place to be with some great people.
Welcome to recovery, just take it one day at a time.
Best wishes.
Chris.
Please accept my Welcome too, Lauren,
I'm glad to see you here and I hope you'll keep coming back on a regular basis to share with us. Please don't wait until you're feeling down. We're here for you and you don't ever have to struggle alone. Many of us have been there, done that...
You have my respect and admiration for taking that big step of action for sobriety at your young age. My daughter came into the AA program when she was 23 and today she has 16 years of continuous sobriety. My son was 24 when he came into AA and now has 17 years of continuous sobriety. We're indeed a miracle family and all because of Alcoholics Anonymous... the meetings with compassionate and caring members who share their experiences, strengths and hope, and of course, working the 12 Steps with a sponsor and reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which many refer to as our bible. These are our sure-fire tools on our recovery path.
For me, it was a matter of how badly do I want sobriety and was I willing to go to any lengths to get it. I was and did... and my cup runneth over.
If you would like to share and discuss the AA program with me and/or would like for me to send helpful material to your e-mailbox, please feel free to e-mail me at: DblWinnr@yahoo.com
Pleae keep coming back, Lauren. You help us, too.
Love & Prayers,
Alcie