Greetings, This is my first post here, so I apologize if I'm not used to the norms and standards in use! I'm an alcoholic who is struggling to make my life better, to improve myself with the help of God and others like myself. I've been attending meetings for close on three years, though I ashamedly admit that my sobriety comes in fits and spurts, largely because 1) I don't always believe in myself, and 2) I'm not always trusting in my Higher Power. I have been sober now for three months during my current attempt--very very difficult. Yes, one day at a time, but I have found that there is something that makes it VERY difficult for me to concentrate on what I KNOW is right, even as my desires and urges tell me otherwise. The problem is this: While both my mind and heart tell me to seek sobriety, attending meetings often has the OPPOSITE effect, in that 1) hearing testimonials about alcohol make me think about drinking all the MORE, and 2) sometimes the rightful anger and resentment of people at AA make also make ME angry and resentful. I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying that sometimes the circumstances of a meeting, either the discussion of drinking or the personality of members, seems to influence me in a negative way. On certain days, I leave a meeting desperately wanting a drink even more than before the meeting! Again, I KNOW that all I can change is myself, and that I can't blame others for my nature. It is mine to control. But PLEASE, does anyone have any practical advice as to what I should do when I leave a meeting feeling this way???? I don't know who else to ask. . . I'm not criticizing others here AT ALL. What I'd appreciate is a way for ME to learn to use my experiences to my BENEFIT, not to my harm. Has anyone ever felt this way after a meeting???? thank you so much for listening!! --tanman

Welcome Tanman, I understand what you are talking about. What does your sponsor say about your feelings? I would suggest you just take what you like and leave the rest. I ask myself, is this about them or me and if it's about me I need to figure out what is causing the urge to drink. I may have to talk it through with my sponsor, or someone else, I may need to write about it, pray or just let it go.

Keep coming back. Happy New Year!

(((Hugs)))

GammyRose

Thank you for answering! Ironically enough, my sponsor, who is a truly wonderful and inspring person, said much the same as you did. Maybe that isn't ironic after all, since experience with AA is something that shares a common thread. . . He has also told me to take what helps, and leave the rest. But DARN IT, it is so hard to do. For me, sometimes the very MOMENT is enough to make me fall back into the booze. This is especially bad since one of the meetings I go to regularly is next door to a bar I used to frequent quite often. Maybe I should probably stop going to that meeting, but it IS helpful in so many ways. I guess what I'm saying is that my weakness is really killing me. When I first started going to meetings, my (at that point 'to be' sponsor) told me pray to God as I understood Him, and to pray in whatever way I saw fit. Back then, almost three years ago, I would pray the Hail Mary and Our Father, being a Catholic. It ALWAYS helped. But for some reason, now it doesn't. Three months has been my limit over the years, and what I need is not three months, three years, or three decades. For the sake of my family and those I love, I want a LIFETIME of sanity and sobriety. I suspect I'm not making sense, and I guess that it being New Year's Eve, I'm struggling with avoiding drink. I guess I'm just talking and talking, but whatever I say, thank you all for just listening. That really helps alot.

Hi, tanman,   I am glad you came. I am here tonight trying to stay sober also. and so far I am.

I have attended certaing AA groups that make me feel like I need recovery from my recovery. The solution for me has been to find another group. Each group kind of has its own personality...   I live in a city and there are a few choices for me...  some have more mandated newcomers, and some have more business and professional people on their way to work, and some have more people with dual diagnosis, and some have a kind of mix. I had trouble with one particular dominant person in one group and I was often leaving feeling upset,,, so I changed groups and found one that is more really program serious. This one means I have to get up early to get there at 7:30 but it is worth the effort.  One group has in it a guy that I am interested in, but that is a mixed bag,, since things are not going smoothly and I have to confront issues that are hard to face,, but I guess being there is a good place to do that,,, only now he is not coming and I am sorry if he is missing meetings.

It is normal to tell of our pre-recovery experiences,, but it should be in context of our recovery and improvements made - not just memories of high times.  It sounds like you have mixed feelings about things and need to really make a commitment.

About the spirituality...  I think we in recovery also grow in that.  The God of my understanding 16 years ago, and the God of my understanding now is changing,,  as also are the ways that I relate to God.  I am Catholic too,,,,   but there are many ways to be Catholic,,, there is actually a lot of room and still stay within acceptable limits. Have you tried talking to God as you would talk to a best friend and mentor?  Like just say "Hi, God".  Step 11 is to improve our conscious contact.

Just some ideas.  Take what you need and leave the rest.

Blessed New Year to you,

amanda

Thank you, Amanda, for your help!!!! You're right. I still have problems with the true commitment to sobriety. I'm not quite sure why, since alcohol has destroyed so much of my life. I wish so much I could be better than I am. And I suppose that very feeling is PART of the problem? But you you know what? Tonight is New Year's Eve, and I am sober. And for every minute of every hour until midnight, I will fight to stay sober. For me, it is one MINUTE at a time!!! After midnight, I'll do the same thing. And I will do this until I find the sanity I need. One MINUTE at a time Just knowing others are out there who suffer and FIGHT like me helps so much. Thank you.

Welcome to the board Tanman. Im in a taxi business in Ontario Canada, and for the last 6 hours its been almost a steady pace of remember whens. Break in the action right now, and the worst is yet to come.:) Anyway, i cant think of a better place to bring in the NEW Year. Its 10 minutes to go and counting. I fought this alcohol stuff for 7 years--in and out of the program. I watched the 'know it alls" I watched the people playing God. I watched the people that could talk the talk, but couldnt walk the walk. I walked out of meetings and picked up a drink many times. When I finally lost everything and everyone in my life, and surrendered to the one fact that I couldnt pick up a drink, nomatter what--things started to change. But I can share with you that every day for 9 full months, that craving was there to drink, with full force. All I was capable of was not picking up that first drink and going to meetings, meetings and more meetings. The only higher Power I would accept was the AA group as a whole. And I had to do that. I never wanted to give up alcohol--even going to meetings, that powerful craving was still there. I craved it, I wanted it, I loved it. I finally had to fully accept that if I wanted to live, I had to surrender to the fact that it had me beat. Every day I would wake up, and say to myself," Nomatter what happens today, I WILL NOT PICK UP A DRINK>"and thats the way it was for quite a while. Another thing that upset me when I left a meeting was the fact that someone had hit a nerve with me, or said something that I didnt want to hear about me, and that hurt my big pride and ego, but good. Another excuse to pick up a drink. I was always getting into the tomorrows and wanting those stretches of sobriety thats others had--so I was not fully living in today. Theres something in the Big Book that says, anyone of us is capable of not picking up a drink FOR 24 HOURS. I remember having to do that by the hour some days. Stick with the WINNERS Buddy. There are still a lot of people in AA I hafta really keep an open mind with. Thatll likely never change. Hang tough!! and right about now its a new year. HAVE A GOOD ONE ONE DAY AT A TIME. ITS A WE THING AND WE ALL TRUCK ON SOBER---TOGETHER. SHARING OUR EXPERIENCE< STRENGTH< AND HOPE

Phil-- Thank you. That's all I can say now, without gushing I've noticed that, as a newbie here, I have found a great source of help from many A's far better than myself. I'm clearly missing something in my own life that you guys DO have. Please bear with me as I try to do the right thing. I did it tonight. I'm used to boozing with supposed 'friends' for hours and hours. But for the first time in my adult life, I did NOT drink on New Year's Eve! And I feel happy about it, yet at the same time I know I need to do better. . .

well, here I am, up early on New Year's... thought I'd do something different..  going to church and then to an earrly meeting to start my year off.

tanman,,, I think you are right . this 'better' thing....    I have a friend who thinks he is a major f***up, and that is part of his identity and he feels hopeless that he can ever be 'better' , drunk or sober.  I also have this thing...  a Janis Joplin persona that I deal with.  Janis felt like a f****up too, and sang about it..   the alienation, hopelessness, depression, loneliness, disconnected ness. I was looking up her bio the other day, and someone described her as an 'ugly duckling'.  I can relate to that. do you know that story?  We need to develop our 'swan ness'.  Recovery is not totally about admitting how horrible we are, but developing ourselves and blooming. Delicate little buds we are.

Happy New Year!

amanda

Now I just had to go and belt out Bobby Magee.... cos that's my favourite AA's song.

You know, Tanman.... I think you need to share. The shared experiences of others start feeling too much, when we have had enough of listening, and are preparing to stand and speak. That was my experience anyway... Sounds to me like you need to share.

Have you ID'd lately?

A big welcome from me too, Tanman!

I hope you'll keep coming back to share with us.  We'll share our experience, strength and hope with you.  You don't ever have to struggle alone.

I was one of the lucky ones, to have lost all desire and need for alcohol upon my first visit to an AA meeting.  At that time I was asked "How badly do you want sobriety and are you willing to go to any lengths to get it?"   I would have climbed Jack's beanstalk if they told me to, because I wanted sobriety more than anything.  I had reached the depths of despair.

As my head started clearing and I became more aware of other people(!) and what they were saying... I immediately found myself have feelings of criticism over the way someone was acting or hogging the meeting, or talking while someone else was speaking, etc.!   I confided in a member I admired and respected (and who shortly after became my sponsor) about what I was going through and she assured me that I would gradually learn patience and tolerance if I worked my 12-Steps with my sponsor and practiced Live and Let Live.  One particular member used to drive me nuts with her loud laughter over anything and everything!  I later learned that her laughing was her way of camouflaging her terrible fear of people. 

I'm still learning, still striving for progress, getting better, being kinder and loving more.

Be kind to youself and please remember that you're striving for progress and not perfection, okay?  If you'd like to e-mail me to talk about anything, I welcome you to do so.  My e-mail address is DblWinnr@yahoo.com

Give your sobriety your best shot and I can almost guaratee you that you won't be sorry for doing so.

Love & prayers,

Alice