I dont know how to start this but Im going to try to explain...My husbands alcoholic

brother called which I had a feeling he would today havent heard from him for a year

except for the card they sent to let us know they know about our grandson which

I sent a christmas letter to the daughter of husbands sister.  Well maybe that was

a mistake I dont know.  But just hearing his voice pisses me off.  Well of course

it started a fight between my husband and I which they love...They drive me crazier

all the time which they like also lol  I just cant let them go they wont let go either

I know he is my husbands brother but he is an alcoholic troublemaker who would

like nothing more than to get my husband and I apart. Now my husband says I

have to make everything a negative about them well everything was negative.

I wish I could accept this disease but Im still fighting it.  It is Christmas and

his brother wanted to talk to his brother I guess.  The pain is so deep in me

I wonder if I will ever be able to let it go.  I keep turning it over to God but it

keeps coming back  sometimes I think I belong in a rubber room.  Help me

to understand where Im coming from is my thinking so screwed up is it all

me. I know I am not totally at fault for all this mess I had my part in it. Why

cant they just leave us alone they have never approved of me.  We have been

married for 40yrs. why cant they accept that and why does the calls upset

me so much....I cant stand them never could the feelings were quite mutual...

I know I should forgive why cant I why is it so hard... I hope this makes some

sense.  I feel like I need validated here somehow am I in the wrong...Busbe

I'm probably not the best person to reply to this, but some people in the world are just ar**holes and the best thing to do is to ignore them. May not work in this situation though.

Phil, help neded!

Bye for now, don't get angry, you'll only cause  yourself stress if you get angry, it's not worth it.

Chris.

Thank u Chris your so right he is not worth it but it hurts when my husband

thinks they arent wrong or thats how I take it  The house is pretty quite this

afternoon....Busbe

 Well, now...  this is the AA board and we have all been alcoholic assholes..  so I am not sure what response you are looking for from us.   One alcoholic to say how awful another alcoholic is?  That is the pot calling the kettle black.  Shall we have a moment of silence for the still sick and suffering?  Busbe, do you go to alanon meetings? Do you do the 12 Steps?

Here we learn that we are powerless over people , places and things, and we try to focus on ourselves...  we can change our coping skills and attitudes so that we can deal more positively and constructively with all the assholes in the world,, which, of course we are not in position on this board to judge.

love in recovery,

amanda

Thank U Amanda yes I do go to alanon I was hoping to get an answer from

recovered a s to sit my mind straight  one thing I am not feeling good today

have some bronchitus starting and it was bad timing I guess I know I cant control

didnt cause cant cure but I still get pissed at his voice Im just mad I got the phone

I appreciate your input just having a bad day  hopefully this 2 shall pass...Luv Busbe

Hi Busbe,

I saved myself hurt and anger when a drunken in-law relative would call... the minute he started talking, I told him to hold on and I'd hand the phone over to my hubby!  That was that. 

Through working that 3rd Step  in AA and Al-Anon, I came to accept that I had no control over another person.  I also had to lessen my Expectations of others by 100%!!

Keep working on it, sweetie, and through repeated practice it will become real for you. You'll love and appreciate yourself and Let Go and Let God.  It's all about progress, right?

I'm still working at things, too, so you're not alone.

Love and big hugs,

Alice

Thank u Alice I just needed a venting day not doing good today program went

out the window maybe its the season I dont know....I consider all of u to be

good friends of mine  Thanks for all your help   Luv Busbe

I was just putting up Step 4 for the Step Work board, and noticed the paragraph about our anger and resentment hurting ourselves the most.  When we get angry and have resentments we lose our serenity,,  and the two things don't really help the situation...     Anger could be the right response, but then we have to act constructively,,,,  as Paul says,,,   be angry but do not sin... meaning that if our anger results in some kind of constructive response that will really improve the situation for everyone,, then that is okay...  but if our anger results in hurting someone else, or making the situation worse, being insulting to someone, or getting our own panties in a twist, then that is destructive and not reflecting any recovery on our part. We need to focus what we can change,,,   we can keep our serenity by using constructive coping skills.

That is the perspective of one A who doesn't like being blamed for everything while other people don't admit their own part in the chaos.

love in recovery,

amanda

Hi Busbe - Hang in there!

We only ever lose ourselves when we focus on someone else.

STAY HONEST. If you don't understand why this guy rattles your cage and manages to get under your skin - just say so. Admit your powerlessness. If you feel scared, say so. If you don't like the way you react, admit that to your hubby. Communicate and identify your fear - what is it that you are scared of? What is the thing you value that is at risk here, and is the threat real? Can he really it take from you? When we speak honestly about our feelings, it opens doors we hadn't even noticed we'd shut.

This guy is not your enemy. If he is an alcoholic, he has the same capacity and potential, that you recognise in each of us here. He will only have as much power over you, as you give him.

And for that you are responsible.

Chin up girl. I think you are underestimating yourself, your hubby and your brother-in-law. Each of us (despite what chemicals we soak ourselves in) are human. If we start by honouring our own 'human-ness' by just being honest... it's SO MUCH easier to find humanity in others.

Everything is going to be okay.

Nic  The difference between ppl on this post site and my alcoholic brother is

all are working on recovery my bro in law wants no part of it.....I cant deal

with an active alcoholic been in program 20 yrs still have difficulty with that..

Luv Busbe