We had it all set up for this past Saturday. It was an "open" meeting so that my husband could go with me and it was a meeting specifically for beginners. I have a 16 month old daughter so we had to arrange a baby-sitter without revealing where we were going. The only babysitter we have is my cousin and the meetings are at such a time that she will have to put my daughter to sleep. No one but my husband or I have ever rocked her to sleep so we had a practice night where my cousin came in and got her to sleep (after much crying. Ugh). So then my cousin called on Saturday and said she was sick. Now I can't go to that Saturday meeting until after New Year's. One part of me is glad. Thinking that this frees me up to keep drinking over the holidays at parties, with family and friends, and of course by myself as usual. The other part of me is scared witless because now my drinking has gotten to the point where I sometimes can't take care of my daughter and my husband has to do it. I'm just venting here, not really looking for answers. But hoping that someone has been there, done that, and can tell me that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
Phil said
Dec 22, 2004
Well Kendall? Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel, but first one has to start stepping through it.
And it may sound harsh, but until one puts the plug in the jug, its going to get worse and not better.
As much as you would like your husband to go with you to the meetings, it might not happen as planned.
One might hafta take the first step and go on their own, and get hubby to babysit.
And you do not have to go on your own.
You can call the AA number--someone will be in touch with you-and likely arrange for a lady in your area, to pick you up and take you to a few meetings, before you can be comfortable going on your own.
If you really want to quit drinking--one hasta be willing to go to any lengths. There is no in between, or softer ways.
I played all the mind games there were to play, including the one you mention. I kept putting it off and putting it off, till on Christmas Eve there was noone there. Any family I had left were gone. It was on New Years day, that I made the call to AA, and was one sick puppy.
So Kendall? Its your call. We can find and make excuses till the cows come home, and go all the way to the dump,--- or take the first step with another member of AA, and GET WITH IT. I tried to impress my wife also by telling her I was going to quit and go to meetings, and wanted her support, but this is something that you hafta do for you, before anything else gets better.
Its something like parking my car in the driveway and leaving it there. One day at a time its going to get rusty and ceased up, and after a period of time, it will be a pile of junk.
And YES Ive been there, and understand exactly where you are at.:)
Time to get butt in gear Gal!! or keep drinking till everyone is gone.
And if you dont think it will happen? Keep Drinking and find out.
Your Call. I respond to your post with love. Not criticism.
Hoping you do the right thing for YOU, but its your life, and your choice. We care Phil
amanda2u2 said
Dec 22, 2004
I hafta say that I agree with Phil on this one... not getting to a meeting is not an excuse to drink... and going to a meeting does not have to be that difficult... some people think it is not a good idea for spouses to go to the same meeting anyway.
And there is this site that you can use to your benefit till you do get to a meeting. The Step Work board is the one from the home page that is under the family teens room
Funny thing,,, I am on my way to the early riser's meeting this morning,,, and have on my mind the expression about looking for an easier softer way. There is no easier softer way except to put the plug in the jug and make a decision to go to any lengths to do what is necessary to keep that plug in the jug. At the meetings I have been seeing all kinds of people doing all kinds of things to find an easier way,,, and they are all messing up. Me, been there, done that, don't want to go back.
Putting one foot in front of the other on this recovery journey,
love to all,
amanda
ellen said
Dec 22, 2004
hey how are you --phil is absolutely right....
i don't know about your drinking but i would black out and or put myself in situations that were dangerous and possibly could have hurt me or someone else. for that alone i would not give myself a free pass to continue any behavior that would and did lead me to thoes behaviors.
seeing that you know that you have a problem it is up to you to do the next right thing and take care of it. life is not always ideal and you do have a child to take care of. i lost mine to the drink and behaviors. if i had a chance to get to a meeting to save my family from my drinking problem i would not let any thing get in my way. i sure hope that you hear what i am saying. it's not about you anymore and how your need for a drink for what ever reasons is not worth losing anything over. it is time that you realise that there are no free passes when we pick up and consume any mood or mind altering substance. you may have been lucky so far but luck only has its limits. and should your husband be taking care or your child so you can be drunk that isn't fair.
we are not a bad bunch of people i can say that getting and going to any meeting alone even will not be as bad as you think. it is very close to this message board as far as help and love. don't let the need for a drink keep you from a place where you can find true happiness and a beautiful life. and all of this fear and agony about this problem ,will when you get there, diminish substantially. no one at the meetings will make you feel worse than you already are about being new. we all were once. so please take care and i hope that you try to get to a meeting sometime before the holidays are over.
Kendall said
Dec 23, 2004
You know what? I hate to say it because I know what you are saying is meant in love, but I can see why people don't want to go to meetings. I can feeling the judgment and the preachiness. This is the very reason I don't want to go to an AA meeting. In other words, if you haven't stopped drinking, get yourself together, and come back when you are ready to accept God. Not a welcoming message to many.
Nic said
Dec 23, 2004
Kendal - it's okay. You do what you need to do - for you. Folks are sharing their stories - and their way. We all have different ways of doing things, talking, writing...whatever. The folks at AA aren't your parents, partners, priests etc. They accept you just as you are - the folks here already do, because your life doesn't directly affect any of us. Everyone of us is t/here to stay sober - that's all. While there is no need to lecture, preach or direct, sometimes we can be misinterpreted or slip into "My way is the best". We all know it doesn't work like that. What you do, doesn't change what any one of us do, and what we do (or say) won't change what you do. We each have our own sobriety to maintain, but sharing seems to make it easier, I've found. Each of us can only encourage you to be whatever it is you say you want to be, do, achieve, value etc in whatever situation you share in the moment. You said you wanted to get to a meeting and stop drinking. Folks are trying to encourage you, I'm sure they don't mean to offend and the last thing any of us wants is another enemy - we made enough of them when we were fighting ourselves.
I came into AA with young children too. And I remember how hard it was. There are lots of conflicting thoughts as we try to work out what is best for us and our family. I still to this day have no idea why I listened to my sponsor and did what she told me to do. There were times she really stirred me up. She was the bossiest person I am yet to met. I often wondered if she was speaking down to me and there were times I went away shaking my head, thinking NO WAY am I going to do that. Time would eventually lead me to a place, where I would remember her 'suggestion' and think, "oh what have I really got to lose?" and I'd give it a whirl.
Somehow, she just knew how to talk to me. She got away with statements most others wouldn't have. No-one else could get through to me though, and I'd been through the hands of that many welfare workers by the time I made it to AA. Just WHAT was different about her? Why did I listen and do what one person told me, when I had rebelled from just about every directive I'd been given in my life? Maybe it was her honesty. She told me straight up that I had the power to hurt her, and if I wanted to stop hurting people then I was going to have to listen - because she was just plain tired of being hurt. We shared our histories. She recognised the aggressive in my drinking story and she knew how to fire me into action. I had spent years learning how to hide behind, and in, the softly, softly approach the "highly trained and educated" were taught to present. There were times I thought I disliked my sponsor, but when the chips were down and my parents, partners and the preachers decided I was just no good, and gave up on me - she was the one that goaded me back into life and straight talked with me. She was the one that found that fire in me, that helped me fight on and find something in myself that was worth standing up for and holding on to.
Do what ever you need to do Kendall. Just don't drink. If staying sober starts getting tough, then you won't need to plan a meeting, you'll just go, because you will want people around who understand. Work out what you want to change and AA's all over the world will encourage you - because each and everyone of us is still striving to make changes and remember to accept ourselves and others on a daily basis.
I never came into AA looking for God. I came to get sober and stay sober. AA laid out the steps and I continue to take those steps each day. The steps mention a God of your understanding - that's all any of us need. It's my understanding that many folks continue to suffer because they want to fight someone elses God. I don't need anyone elses God, but I respect and am genuinely interested in other peoples perceptions. For me, it comes down to me and my understanding. I knew when I left my first meeting that my God had been Grog for far too long. I had to go without God for a long time and was pretty happy to do that. Do what works for you Kendall. Today I am just happy to be a small part of the Universe - one that treads carefully, and tries not to harm others.
Maybe just try doing that for a bit?
Please don't give up on me. I will survive and I will stay sober, but I need my online AA friends to do that. I live in the middle of the outback now - a long way from traditional meetings. You and others on this board are an important part of my recovery. I am glad you're there.
We had it all set up for this past Saturday. It was an "open" meeting so that my husband could go with me and it was a meeting specifically for beginners. I have a 16 month old daughter so we had to arrange a baby-sitter without revealing where we were going. The only babysitter we have is my cousin and the meetings are at such a time that she will have to put my daughter to sleep. No one but my husband or I have ever rocked her to sleep so we had a practice night where my cousin came in and got her to sleep (after much crying. Ugh). So then my cousin called on Saturday and said she was sick. Now I can't go to that Saturday meeting until after New Year's. One part of me is glad. Thinking that this frees me up to keep drinking over the holidays at parties, with family and friends, and of course by myself as usual. The other part of me is scared witless because now my drinking has gotten to the point where I sometimes can't take care of my daughter and my husband has to do it. I'm just venting here, not really looking for answers. But hoping that someone has been there, done that, and can tell me that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
I hafta say that I agree with Phil on this one... not getting to a meeting is not an excuse to drink... and going to a meeting does not have to be that difficult... some people think it is not a good idea for spouses to go to the same meeting anyway.
And there is this site that you can use to your benefit till you do get to a meeting. The Step Work board is the one from the home page that is under the family teens room
Funny thing,,, I am on my way to the early riser's meeting this morning,,, and have on my mind the expression about looking for an easier softer way. There is no easier softer way except to put the plug in the jug and make a decision to go to any lengths to do what is necessary to keep that plug in the jug. At the meetings I have been seeing all kinds of people doing all kinds of things to find an easier way,,, and they are all messing up. Me, been there, done that, don't want to go back.
Putting one foot in front of the other on this recovery journey,
love to all,
amanda
hey how are you --phil is absolutely right....
i don't know about your drinking but i would black out and or put myself in situations that were dangerous and possibly could have hurt me or someone else. for that alone i would not give myself a free pass to continue any behavior that would and did lead me to thoes behaviors.
seeing that you know that you have a problem it is up to you to do the next right thing and take care of it. life is not always ideal and you do have a child to take care of. i lost mine to the drink and behaviors. if i had a chance to get to a meeting to save my family from my drinking problem i would not let any thing get in my way. i sure hope that you hear what i am saying. it's not about you anymore and how your need for a drink for what ever reasons is not worth losing anything over. it is time that you realise that there are no free passes when we pick up and consume any mood or mind altering substance. you may have been lucky so far but luck only has its limits. and should your husband be taking care or your child so you can be drunk that isn't fair.
we are not a bad bunch of people i can say that getting and going to any meeting alone even will not be as bad as you think. it is very close to this message board as far as help and love. don't let the need for a drink keep you from a place where you can find true happiness and a beautiful life. and all of this fear and agony about this problem ,will when you get there, diminish substantially. no one at the meetings will make you feel worse than you already are about being new. we all were once. so please take care and i hope that you try to get to a meeting sometime before the holidays are over.
Kendal - it's okay. You do what you need to do - for you. Folks are sharing their stories - and their way. We all have different ways of doing things, talking, writing...whatever. The folks at AA aren't your parents, partners, priests etc. They accept you just as you are - the folks here already do, because your life doesn't directly affect any of us. Everyone of us is t/here to stay sober - that's all. While there is no need to lecture, preach or direct, sometimes we can be misinterpreted or slip into "My way is the best". We all know it doesn't work like that. What you do, doesn't change what any one of us do, and what we do (or say) won't change what you do. We each have our own sobriety to maintain, but sharing seems to make it easier, I've found. Each of us can only encourage you to be whatever it is you say you want to be, do, achieve, value etc in whatever situation you share in the moment. You said you wanted to get to a meeting and stop drinking. Folks are trying to encourage you, I'm sure they don't mean to offend and the last thing any of us wants is another enemy - we made enough of them when we were fighting ourselves.
I came into AA with young children too. And I remember how hard it was. There are lots of conflicting thoughts as we try to work out what is best for us and our family. I still to this day have no idea why I listened to my sponsor and did what she told me to do. There were times she really stirred me up. She was the bossiest person I am yet to met. I often wondered if she was speaking down to me and there were times I went away shaking my head, thinking NO WAY am I going to do that. Time would eventually lead me to a place, where I would remember her 'suggestion' and think, "oh what have I really got to lose?" and I'd give it a whirl.
Somehow, she just knew how to talk to me. She got away with statements most others wouldn't have. No-one else could get through to me though, and I'd been through the hands of that many welfare workers by the time I made it to AA. Just WHAT was different about her? Why did I listen and do what one person told me, when I had rebelled from just about every directive I'd been given in my life? Maybe it was her honesty. She told me straight up that I had the power to hurt her, and if I wanted to stop hurting people then I was going to have to listen - because she was just plain tired of being hurt. We shared our histories. She recognised the aggressive in my drinking story and she knew how to fire me into action. I had spent years learning how to hide behind, and in, the softly, softly approach the "highly trained and educated" were taught to present. There were times I thought I disliked my sponsor, but when the chips were down and my parents, partners and the preachers decided I was just no good, and gave up on me - she was the one that goaded me back into life and straight talked with me. She was the one that found that fire in me, that helped me fight on and find something in myself that was worth standing up for and holding on to.
Do what ever you need to do Kendall. Just don't drink. If staying sober starts getting tough, then you won't need to plan a meeting, you'll just go, because you will want people around who understand. Work out what you want to change and AA's all over the world will encourage you - because each and everyone of us is still striving to make changes and remember to accept ourselves and others on a daily basis.
I never came into AA looking for God. I came to get sober and stay sober. AA laid out the steps and I continue to take those steps each day. The steps mention a God of your understanding - that's all any of us need. It's my understanding that many folks continue to suffer because they want to fight someone elses God. I don't need anyone elses God, but I respect and am genuinely interested in other peoples perceptions. For me, it comes down to me and my understanding. I knew when I left my first meeting that my God had been Grog for far too long. I had to go without God for a long time and was pretty happy to do that. Do what works for you Kendall. Today I am just happy to be a small part of the Universe - one that treads carefully, and tries not to harm others.
Maybe just try doing that for a bit?
Please don't give up on me. I will survive and I will stay sober, but I need my online AA friends to do that. I live in the middle of the outback now - a long way from traditional meetings. You and others on this board are an important part of my recovery. I am glad you're there.