Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm not allowed up on the couch! Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! Doc: Do you drink a lot? Not really - I spill most of it! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God! Doc: When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the... Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! Doc: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST? Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? Doc: I never make rash promises! Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog! Doc: So what's wrong with that? I think I'm going to croak! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time. Dijon vu: the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating: always use condiments. I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons? A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Banning the bra was a big flop. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. Without geometry, life is pointless. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.