I still haven't gone to my first meeting yet. My DH says that he will go with me though and I'd really like him to. Would that be inappropriate? Would it be ok if he went with me?
GammyRose said
Dec 8, 2004
Kendall,
The meetings I attend are in a small town and even if our meeting is a closed meeting we always open it to anyone who visits.We have one open meeting a month that is for anyone. You might call and ask the group you will be attending if it is okay to bring your DH.
Hope you are doing well.Keep posting.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
ellen said
Dec 8, 2004
as long as the meeting is an open one. we are pretty casual there will be a time when they will ask if this is anyones first meeting. if they do- but it is not required- you could raise your hand and tell them. i would say to do this- they usually hold a first step meeting which is about the changes that people have experienced being in the program. at least that is what we do in south carolina. that way you will be able to get to know people quicker and better---this helps the newcomer because other topics for some can go over their head initially. your friend can say he is just visiting. after your first meeting you will see that we are a loving and caring bunch who remember our first meeting and know exactly how we felt. try to remember that we all had our first time and there is alot of compassion for that for everyone who walks through the door. also GET PHONE NUMBERS AND USE THEM...
great question and have good day great to hear from you
amanda2u2 said
Dec 8, 2004
What's a DH?
Here near New York City, there are always a few newcomers at meetings, so, in order for the people who need a meeting but have been in recovery for awhile and for the newcomers, we have separate meetings. We have beginners' meetings, Step meetings, Big Book meetings,,, all kinds of meetings. On the same nite there is a young people's meeting and another meeting within 8 blocks of each other at the same time. For us a closed meeting is closed,, only alcoholics allowed because there are a lot of people who are professionals, and couselors, teachers, college students and all who do not want anyone except other alcoholics to know they are there. But the meetings are announced as "closed" or "open", and most are open. If it says closed, then I would respect that and choose another meeting that is open.
Welcome to 12 Step recovery! Various groups have different group personalities, but we all have in common that we have access to the 12 Steps and some other people to do them with.
love in recovery,
amanda
Phil said
Dec 8, 2004
Its Kendal our freind!!! :) Hows it goin??
Gammys right. Dont know bout where you are at, but in Canada we have closed meetings for recoverying Alcoholics only--then there are open meetings where as Gammy says, anyone can go with you.
Closed discussion groups--open discussion groups--Open Speaker meetings, where one shares for an hour about where they came from, how they got here, and what its like today.
-------------------------------------
Amost noon in the north country--no snow, but rainy and damp here, --so far--so good.
Hoping you guys have a great day.
Work and Hospital cancer thingy meeting tonight, pretty well fills mine up.
And Ellen? The one brain cell left is now having conversations with the little monkey on my shoulder. God!! Now I gotta go out and buy bananas.
Its never boring!! haha
Onward ho!! Dont drink and go to meetings, and lighten up. Take life too seriously, and one forgets to smell the roses.:) Speaking of which-someone sent me some for my birthday. NOW thats a switch.:)
And a card that says nice buns. --hmmmm-today Im walkin around bend over, wearin tight jeans, and wondering--Who the "H" was it?
Whatda mean youre 96 and wanna get married???
Take me on a world cruise and wele discuss it.:)
Woman overboard!!! oops!! Later guys. Keep Smilin!!
Nic said
Dec 9, 2004
Hi Kendall,
I'm not sure how different things are done on your side of the world, as we don't close very many meeting here in Oz. We have some closed for specific focus groups, like women only, or adult children etc., that are not really advertised as such, but all groups here welcome members, friends and family. My kids have pretty much grown up in AA, and whenever people say how nice they are, or how well they handle themselves - I know that's because they've been allowed to. The folk of AA have encouraged them for many years, and they have not been sheilded from the realities of life.
I'm with Amanda though on the DH....? Not sure what you're referring to...I can only guess you are trying not to swear and you mean a "Richard Cranium"? lol. That could just be an Aussie interpretation though...? Sometimes, even the most well meaning friends or family members make it harder. I was at a meeting with a son and Dad once, and the whole meeting was punctuated with the Dad saying: "See! You do that!" The poor guy was already suffering enough - he knew his own limitations, that's why he was there. So needless to say, it was only a matter of time before one of the dual members invited his Dad outside for a coffee.
As far as I'm aware (and I figure this is worldwide), you can ring your local AA number, explain that you're having trouble getting to the first meeting and ask the person if they could suggest someone to have a chat with. The person on the phone is usually active in meetings and won't hesitate to contact someone of a similar age or history, who lives nearby etc. and ask them to give you a ring, or check that its okay to give you their number. If you want to, you can then meet for a coffee and/or go to a meeting together. But like most things, you have to ask. People don't know what you need, if you don't let them know. If you are feeling nervous, just say so. Everyone of us remember how nerve wracking it was.
I sat outside the same meeting 5 times before I made it in... just round the corner crying. People kept stopping and asking if I was okay and it just made me cry more, because I knew I wasn't, but I couldn't stop myself from saying, "Yes, I'm ok". Eventually I rang and did what I have described above.
An Irish lady rang me and she met me at a coffee shop, then promised to be at the meeting the following day. I thought I had nothing in common with her when we met, but she was actually turned out to the best friend I have ever known. Took me through the steps, encouraged me to fill the gaps in my life that were fuelling my resentment, smiled everytime I let something go, and most importantly - she cheered my sobriety every step of the way.
Just look at it, for what it is. Right now you need a friend who understands. You will find one in AA, and that initial contact can be made outside of a meeting. Meetings are important, but the basis of AA's success if due to one guy meeting with another for a coffee. That option will always be available.
Stick around Kendall. I look forward to getting to know you here on the board.
Kendall,
The meetings I attend are in a small town and even if our meeting is a closed meeting we always open it to anyone who visits.We have one open meeting a month that is for anyone. You might call and ask the group you will be attending if it is okay to bring your DH.
Hope you are doing well.Keep posting.
(((Hugs)))
GammyRose
as long as the meeting is an open one. we are pretty casual there will be a time when they will ask if this is anyones first meeting. if they do- but it is not required- you could raise your hand and tell them. i would say to do this- they usually hold a first step meeting which is about the changes that people have experienced being in the program. at least that is what we do in south carolina. that way you will be able to get to know people quicker and better---this helps the newcomer because other topics for some can go over their head initially. your friend can say he is just visiting. after your first meeting you will see that we are a loving and caring bunch who remember our first meeting and know exactly how we felt. try to remember that we all had our first time and there is alot of compassion for that for everyone who walks through the door. also GET PHONE NUMBERS AND USE THEM...
great question and have good day great to hear from you
What's a DH?
Here near New York City, there are always a few newcomers at meetings, so, in order for the people who need a meeting but have been in recovery for awhile and for the newcomers, we have separate meetings. We have beginners' meetings, Step meetings, Big Book meetings,,, all kinds of meetings. On the same nite there is a young people's meeting and another meeting within 8 blocks of each other at the same time. For us a closed meeting is closed,, only alcoholics allowed because there are a lot of people who are professionals, and couselors, teachers, college students and all who do not want anyone except other alcoholics to know they are there. But the meetings are announced as "closed" or "open", and most are open. If it says closed, then I would respect that and choose another meeting that is open.
Welcome to 12 Step recovery! Various groups have different group personalities, but we all have in common that we have access to the 12 Steps and some other people to do them with.
love in recovery,
amanda
Hi Kendall,
I'm not sure how different things are done on your side of the world, as we don't close very many meeting here in Oz. We have some closed for specific focus groups, like women only, or adult children etc., that are not really advertised as such, but all groups here welcome members, friends and family. My kids have pretty much grown up in AA, and whenever people say how nice they are, or how well they handle themselves - I know that's because they've been allowed to. The folk of AA have encouraged them for many years, and they have not been sheilded from the realities of life.
I'm with Amanda though on the DH....? Not sure what you're referring to...I can only guess you are trying not to swear and you mean a "Richard Cranium"? lol. That could just be an Aussie interpretation though...? Sometimes, even the most well meaning friends or family members make it harder. I was at a meeting with a son and Dad once, and the whole meeting was punctuated with the Dad saying: "See! You do that!" The poor guy was already suffering enough - he knew his own limitations, that's why he was there. So needless to say, it was only a matter of time before one of the dual members invited his Dad outside for a coffee.
As far as I'm aware (and I figure this is worldwide), you can ring your local AA number, explain that you're having trouble getting to the first meeting and ask the person if they could suggest someone to have a chat with. The person on the phone is usually active in meetings and won't hesitate to contact someone of a similar age or history, who lives nearby etc. and ask them to give you a ring, or check that its okay to give you their number. If you want to, you can then meet for a coffee and/or go to a meeting together. But like most things, you have to ask. People don't know what you need, if you don't let them know. If you are feeling nervous, just say so. Everyone of us remember how nerve wracking it was.
I sat outside the same meeting 5 times before I made it in... just round the corner crying. People kept stopping and asking if I was okay and it just made me cry more, because I knew I wasn't, but I couldn't stop myself from saying, "Yes, I'm ok". Eventually I rang and did what I have described above.
An Irish lady rang me and she met me at a coffee shop, then promised to be at the meeting the following day. I thought I had nothing in common with her when we met, but she was actually turned out to the best friend I have ever known. Took me through the steps, encouraged me to fill the gaps in my life that were fuelling my resentment, smiled everytime I let something go, and most importantly - she cheered my sobriety every step of the way.
Just look at it, for what it is. Right now you need a friend who understands. You will find one in AA, and that initial contact can be made outside of a meeting. Meetings are important, but the basis of AA's success if due to one guy meeting with another for a coffee. That option will always be available.
Stick around Kendall. I look forward to getting to know you here on the board.
Nic