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Post Info TOPIC: Guilt & Attachment


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Guilt & Attachment
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well i thought i would stop back in because i decided what better folks to reason with than those who might possibly understand 'better .. better to reason with those seeking recovery than those seeking the drink .. a family member of mine (alcoholic) came in town today .. i feel guilt because i don't want him here .. on one hand i feel i am Supposed to be loyal to the alcoholic .. on the other i can't stand the smell, the non stop drinking, but more than any of that it's the attitude .. the walking on pins and needles knowing if i say one wrong thing i will set off a 'chain reaction .. i just needed a place to share what's 'really going on inside me rather than the false nicey nice with this person .. i am tired .. i know it's common for alcoholics to not hold down jobs sometimes and since this person just lost another i also know they will be 'here for longer this time around .. i don't know what to do .. i am having a 'hard time being honest .. with him in that i can't take his company right now .. i just dunno what to do .. so i thought maybe coming in here would at the very least open the door to at least a little more serenity than the amount i don't have right now .. and somehow even sharing in here 'feels like betrayal when afterall this person is 'family .. heart hurt .. i don't have an opinion (judgment) on this person's working situation .. i have an opinion on the anger (resentment) i feel inside that this person can't or isn't ready to get honest with himself .. therefore, pointless for me to even try to reason with them .. (I) get the emotional mental spiritual and even physical (nerves) hangover .. I 'feel those 'predmeditated resentments coming in as i 'expect this person to show up unannounced really at any given time .. and i don't have the strength to send them away .. or .. to keep them here ..

i posted awhile back that i made my name MaybeIAm because i am searching inside me as well .. it's true i do parallel the alcoholics in thinking and behaviors in the past .. the dry drunk syndrome .. i also am realising something more like connecting the truth dots .. some time back speaking to an alfriend we were talking about the difference between AA and Alanon .. she said in a conversation with an AA member with a strong spiritual recovery at one point some years back, he mentioned to her one time .. AA folks need to detach from the bottle and attach to people and we Alanon folks need to detach from the Alcoholic and reattach to ourselves and our hp .. made a lot of sense at that time .. today when i look at me i am seeing another deeper pattern if i am honest with myself god and others .. I too attached to things (cigarrettes food compulsions drink) less to people  .. So .. realising i need to detach from these 'things and reattach more to the fellowships .. Sort of a lonely place to be .. thanks for letting me share this in a hopefully 'safe space ..

 



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Member

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clarifying when it comes to not wanting him here ? sober he would be a gift .. but i recognize i worry .. it's the worry i don't want (but can't help) ..

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MIP Old Timer

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Have you joined an AA 'Home group' yet??? ... ... ... these issues, although welcome here, may serve you better yo discuss with the group and or a sponsor ... ... ... you actually said so yourself in your post ...

Worrying about this situation will not solve anything, if anything, it'll make it worse ... Pray about it and have faith that your HP will take care of it in due time ... you know?, ... Let Go and Let God ...


Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



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thanks Pappy .. worrying won't change it but sharing on it will change my thinking (worrying too) .. always grateful when others come along with clarity .. finishing up an alanon 4th then heading to aa meets .. could still hit up a few open meetings here in town in the meantime though .. maybe i will ..

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