Youll never have it all together. Thats like eating once and for all."
Ive wasted a lot of time and energy waiting for everything to be just right. But its never turned out that way. I felt like if only I could get that perfect job and make a certain amount of money, then Id finally stop worrying. I did get the job, and I made even more money, yet I still had financial insecurity. I hoped that when I met the right woman, then Id be complete. Turned out that was a complete mess. Finally, I knew that if I could only control and enjoy my drinking, then everything would be okay. Instead, I ended up in A.A.
As I sat in meetings for the first few months, I was sure that if I could only get 90 days, then Id be okay. Then, at the nine month mark, I hoped Id feel a lot better at a year. Then I waited to complete my Steps for the second time! My experience has been that lots of my life gets better, but there are always other areas that need work. And sometimes, areas that I thought were fixed need some attention again. As I struggled to accept this, my sponsor reminded me of todays quote.
When I remember that Ill never have it all together, I can finally let go of the illusion of control. What a relief I feel as I turn my will and my life, once again, over to a God of my understanding. As soon as I empty myself of MY demands for the way I think things should be, I am able to accept and appreciate the way things are. As I set to work on a current gratitude list, Im able to reflect on everything Ive already been given. And thats when I realize:
By not having it all together, I can remain open to the unexpected gifts yet to come.
