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Post Info TOPIC: A time to be honest...


Newbie

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Posts: 1
Date:
A time to be honest...
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I tell you, there is nothing worse than a head full of AA and a belly full of beer. 

I'm 37 soon, and I've had my spells in and out of the rooms since my early twenties, 3 years having been the longest I've been sober, or should I say DRY?

Back then in my earlier years I never really had much, so i always felt a little "up and coming" and that being sober was part of a "New ME" resurgence plan, and that it did.

I stopped boozing as much and taking drugs and i got my life on track (i went to meetings), had a family, made a good career for myself and i soared to new dizzying heights...and then stopped going to meetings, but i was ok!!!! i got this...IDIOT.

So now I'm the 36 yo dude, who is as miserable as sin, cantankerous, passive aggressive, angry at everyone and the world. With a sick sense of entitlement, full of self pity, self centered and remorseful, spiritually bankrupt...I'm binge drinking again and all this anger comes out sideways, and as the book says the blackouts are getting worse. I'm humiliating my family and embarrassing myself and its taking its toll trying to come to terms with whats happening and that fact that i just want to hurt me WTF...self destruct.

So all I've done, instead of being honest all these years is I've used my will and just replaced drinking and drugs with OCD obsessions...first work, money, then running then golf...etc..and then these things wouldn't work out so i would try to fix it with possessions and money and family ...what i'm trying to say is I've made a fucking mess of it all because i just haven't been honest and I've never been so sad, or ever been without hope as much as i am today. the thought of having to feel like this for the rest of my life because i cant drink is undeniably difficult to comprehend.

please tell me what to do as i need a meeting but i'm fighting it like fuck and just making so many excuses.

 



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Veteran Member

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Posts: 98
Date:
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Hello Daryl & welcome to M I P.

I heard that slogan early in AA too , the guy kept doing "more research" BUT Kept running into AA's everywhere.

Not too much later , how it applied to me . I found there was something worse ."A head full of AA & a Mind of your own".

So I Had to Adjust . To do THIS th AA way Not mine . Daryl . I too was 37 when that happened , I am now 68 , when

I let go the end of the towel , I adjusted . Yep , I had a few thingees mixed up - I Will , to Be willing - Give Up to Give in.

Yes . I walked away from pretty girls , well I was single at the time , jobs , fancy cars to Stay sober . You see Daryl . My way

took me to psych hospitals & being th town clown & I did not know it . I thought I was th ants pants. At several places they

called me "And um" because I cold Not put a sentence together without using and & um Several times . A lot of people thought

I was a "hit man" , gees I played up to that & strung em along as I thought it added to my notoriety . What a path to head down.

I ended up in a psyche hospital in Sydney Australia , for the 2nd time & went to my 1st AA meeting . One guy who spoke said this.

"Ask yourself . What are you doing in a joint like this . If you are an alcoholic and you drink again . ALL the things that you hear

about WILL Happen to you . But if you give this a go , there Is a chance you will get well". Well Daryl . I did walk away from all

 that to a brand New life . I have Not been to a psyche hospital since , I don't say and um anymore or talk out the side of my

mouth like a gangster . We have  a nice home , oh , I found another pretty lady & she nailed me down , we have our own cars,

I even bought a toy 3 weeks ago . I found a "mint condition" 90 model Ford F150 with th original 351 in it , heard "th note" &

just had to have it , ah boys & their toys . You see Daryl I lead a pretty normal life . I Still go to Several meetings a week.

One of the 1st things I do when I travel overseas is to find out where the meetings are & Go to them.

Daryl I wish you well . HANG In there . As it's better than All the alternitives.



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John R


Member

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Posts: 7
Date:
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Not going to type out my story, to be honest there all pretty much the same. I can relate to yours, thats for sure.... I never really done much of this online meeting stuff, i guess thats what one would call it. Last time was about 4 years a go i was on a chat room thing like this. found myself where you are now, went online drinking and talking about my drinking, which is weird but true...

Wife finally kicked me out, found myself at this long term motel place, living there trying not to drink, but that was like impossible to do. One night I woke up middle of night, crying, and out of my month came the words "I am a Fucking Alcoholic" Dear God Help me. I know like oh boy big surprise.... right ..... But it was like it was the first time I really saw it, i mean i had said that shit in meetings 100's of times, even had a few sponsers, even stayed sober one time for like 6 months.... But it was like i finial saw it .... I saw step 1 in my life.

To be honest I was lucky still had a job/insurance, I checked my self into a recovery center (psych ward) stayed for over a month, moved into a sober house for 3 months and had to get an apartment for about three months. Before wife and i finally got thing back on track. My sober date is 02/24/12 The promises in the book i can say have all become reality.

Now when i share some times I'll say something like it only took me 10 years a 3 months to do the steps, 10 years for step 0ne and three months for 2-12....

I drank for over 30 years, I was 52 when I sobered up.

I guess the only thing I can say, is the truth is in that book, but it sure wasnt doing me much good just sitting on it, or talking about it. I got a sponsor, not some nut case guy, i found a guy to walk me through the 12 steps, and now I do what he did with me with others.

God Bless you....

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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 134
Date:
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A_Life_On_The_Lam wrote:

 

please tell me what to do as i need a meeting but i'm fighting it like fuck and just making so many excuses.

 


 I have an honest reply but would like to know if you ever checked back here. Not wasting energy on someone that puked their feelings online because they were drunk.

Say something.



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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 452
Date:
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Joejoe12126 wrote:

Wife finally kicked me out, found myself at this long term motel place, living there trying not to drink, but that was like impossible to do. One night I woke up middle of night, crying, and out of my month came the words "I am a Fucking Alcoholic" Dear God Help me. I know like oh boy big surprise.... right ..... But it was like it was the first time I really saw it, i mean i had said that shit in meetings 100's of times, even had a few sponsers, even stayed sober one time for like 6 months.... But it was like i finial saw it .... I saw step 1 in my life.


 Well, WhoopieFuckingDo. It's a start. :)
Are you for real?
There is a proliferation of
Bogus Troll Aliases to mess with newcomers
on this forum. An example of how easily they are
fabricated can be found here:
http://aa.activeboard.com/t63028173/just-to-say-bye/



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