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Post Info TOPIC: Should I stay with my alcohol addicted husband?
Lovylark


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Should I stay with my alcohol addicted husband?
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Hi, 

I am in a confusion right now.

My husband was an alcohol addict and he used to harm me every day. I tried to cope with him a lot. But, he was not ready to adjust. So, I left him and is staying with my parents right now.

His parents came to me for compromise and I told them that I won't go back to him unless he stopped his bad behavior. They made him undergo an alcohol addiction treatment program and they are saying that the program has induced a big positive change in him. He called me and talked to me. We came to a compromise and we are planning to attend a couple and family counselling ( http://www.drcohen.ca/services/couples-family-therapy/ ) from Toronto. 

I can't make a decision at this point. Should I go back to him? I still have the bad memories of him who always tortured me. Will I be able to lead a happy and satisfied life with him? Please give some genuine replies and suggestions. Thanks in advance.



-- Edited by Lovylark on Monday 19th of December 2016 05:20:19 AM

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Pythonpappy


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Welcome to MIP Lovylark, ...

Going into a treatment program is only a start ... and is usually ONLY successful if the person in question decided to do that on their on ... if we are coerced into treatment, it usually will not work, long term anyway ... Alcoholics/addicts don't like being told what we have to do, even if it's for our own good ...

It takes time for a person to change their whole attitude and outlook on life ... If this person WANTS to change, then that's half the battle, but that decision has to be followed by 'action', else they are just 'spinning their wheels' ... (They must build a 'Support' network, like AA, to have even a small chance to succeed.) ...

I feel you wise to give your relationship a 2nd chance, however, be VERY careful if this was a volatile situation to begin with ... I DO NOT want to see you get hurt physically or emotionally ... and that IS a very real possibility ...



Proceed with Caution, Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Tanin


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Welcome, Lovylark. You have a difficult and dangerous situation. And you are doing well to ask for help and opinions on how to proceed.

I suggest you get input from some people in Al-anon. One of their groups is available online at:

alanon.activeboard.com

They have people there who have much personal experience with your situation. They will welcome you and support you.

You can go there and just repost what you posted above. Those folks will help you.

Good luck.

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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 
Visionz


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Leave him behind. Removing the substance(s) out of a toxic relationship will probably make things worse. Because now, there's nothing for the alcoholic to run to. Want him running to a gun? Booze was my safe zone. Our problem was sobriety and coping with day to day stresses. My advice is to move so freakin' slow with this guy that it seems you are not moving at all, or tell him to beat it you have other plans.

 

Opinions are like assholes everyone's got one, and I just gave you mine.



-- Edited by Visionz on Monday 19th of December 2016 10:04:38 AM

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Neil G


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Hi there Lovylark.

 

I agree with one of the posters here that you should tread very carefully. MOST successful turnarounds happen when it is the decision of the addict to go into a treatment or rehabilitation program. If it an intervention where someone is forced to go, the "heart" is rarely in it and it is doomed to failure. I also had an old sponsor when I came into the AA program 7 years ago now, who told me not to get into or change any other-sex relationship for at least a year into the program because of the changes that would inevitably be happening. He said to just take things easy until my life and recovery had settled down and I was either well into or finished with doing my 12 Steps. It was very good advice as I saw other people crash and burn due to too much attention on their relationships and not enough on their program. Given that you left your husband before he went into rehab, my advice would be to give him some room and give his program some time. After a while, if it is meant to be, you will get back with him, but for now just wait and see.



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Neil
Pythonpappy


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Welcome to MIP Neil, ... glad you joined us here ... Keep come'n back ...


Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
dorin


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I would have to agree with NeilG. It is better to wait until your husband attends the program. This might turn out for the best after all. All my prayers go with you.

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Pythonpappy


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Welcome to MIP dorin, ... glad you found us ...

thanks for your shares ...


Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
JerryF


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Aloha Dorin and welcome to the board.  You story isn't so unusual as alcohol affect everyone that comes into contact with it.  Alcoholism is a family disease; a compulsion of the mind with an allergy of the body. It is a fatal disease which can never be cured; only arrested by total abstinence.  I was born and raised in it and the current generation of my family continues it though I am not connected to my family for that reason.  An early sponsor suggested that I remove myself from all things alcohol which also included my then wife who I drank with.  I came to sobriety first thru the doors of the Al-Anon Family Groups and then into AA where I actively participate with now.  I've been sober for 37 years...have my life sober and half under the influence. 

I suggest you check out the Al-Anon Family groups and you can usually find their hot line number in the white pages of your local telephone book.  The family groups also have a board on this MIP site...come site in and listen and share.   (((hugs))) wink



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