I recently relapsed after three years sober. I have been making meetings on my days off. Work makes it physically impossible to make it to meetings at my group. I just feel drained and the emotions I feel in meetings is more than I want to deal with tonight. Thought I would post this and read some of the the BB and possibly respond to a post if I have something constructive to say. Thank you for the support.
Hi Todd,
I relapsed after over two years sober. Thought I was through with AA. I learned that in realty I wasn't through with alcohol and it wasn't through with me. Had to get kicked in the butt a few times and I tried meetings in between the butt-kicking. Then I stopped meetings altogether for a while and the alcohol I was unable to stay away from for any length of time was taking over my life again. So I have been attending meetings everyday. I too know about being physically drained and emotions taking over sometimes when I go to meetings. I have almost talked myself into not going to meetings because of those things. I know that, at least for me, if I skip even one meeting for one day, that is playing with fire. So I force myself to attend those meetings. I broke down crying (not loudly--just the tears came from nowhere when someone shared something I related to). I was so embarrassed and when I noticed some people in there were looking at me, I just wanted to leave. Then I realized I probably needed to do that, there is no shame in crying, there is shame (for me) if I drink again, though. So I dabbed my eyes and my nose and stayed put. I just cannot let my alcoholism talk this bullsh** to me anymore and try and convince me I'm too tired, scared, etc. and I can skip a meeting. They are keeping me sober now and I don't want to get burned anymore.
Just my two cents worth. Glad you made it back to the land of sanity.
Thanks for the gentle kick in the ass LTR. I know it is a bad idea to find excuses to skip meetings , at least for me. I hate excuses as much as anyone. Luckily, I am surrounded by supportive people at home. Sundays living sober reading was about " Do I need to come to these meetings for the rest of my life." Lots of interesting discussion on everyones attendance practices as they moved forward in the program. God knows if I wanted to drink right now I would find the energy to get to the liquor store. Oh well, going to get a good nights sleep and get to the AM meeting. Thankful for another day sober.
I wasn't trying to do any kicking. Too busy kicking my own ass for relapsing, Todd. I am just glad to hear from someone else who is going through the same thing I am. It's hard, isn't it? I just tell myself that although it is hard to go back to meetings after relapsing, it is so much harder to stay here and try and drink my problems away....so much harder...and my problems are still waiting for me when I sober up......only they are worse. Hope you post more. You are helping me and thank you.
Agree, in many ways going back seems harder than the first time. I now realize I took being sober for granted and I need more than just willpower and staying busy with work and hobbies. You too are helping me. Headed to the noon meeting. Feel much better this AM after a nights sleep and a trip to the gym.
I think so too, Todd. And agree with staying busy with work/hobbies.
So glad you feel better and working out is great. I sprained my ankle and am bummed I had to stop my walks. I still do other exercises and am lifting arm weights now. Losing weight is a good incentive for me, too...alcohol is loaded with calories and I have lost at least 10 pounds since I quit drinking.
Thanks for the gentle kick in the ass LTR. I know it is a bad idea to find excuses to skip meetings , at least for me. I hate excuses as much as anyone. Luckily, I am surrounded by supportive people at home. Sundays living sober reading was about " Do I need to come to these meetings for the rest of my life." Lots of interesting discussion on everyones attendance practices as they moved forward in the program. God knows if I wanted to drink right now I would find the energy to get to the liquor store. Oh well, going to get a good nights sleep and get to the AM meeting. Thankful for another day sober.
T.
Just wanted to jump in here and make a comment ... it took me 13 years to finally get and stay sober after my 1st AA meet'n ... some how, I could not get that stupid idea of go'n to meet'ns every day for the rest of my life ... Thank God I finally realized that I only needed to go to a meet'n Today ... This is where our "One Day at a Time" really came into my life ... if I thought, okay, I'm just go'n to spend an hour with some friends, don't drink, and go home, it seemed really easy ... my problem was I could not see myself commit'n to that forever, that was depress'n ... BUT, just for today ???, I could handle that ...
So, I went to a meet'n everyday for a little over 700 days ... only when I felt well grounded in the program, did I cut it down to 5 meet'ns a week then after a few years down to 2 or 3 a week ... and right now, after our 'move'n away, I've not found it necessary for me to go (the few meet'ns around here just aren't nearly like my old 'home group' ... I spend time here(on MIP) every day(when I'm healthy enough) ... it keeps me 'involved', and my 'think'n' pattern in good work'n order ... also, my desire to drink has been taken away, just like it sez in the BB ...
I have to share this too ... early in my recovery, I was go'n to a meet'n every day ... well, this one time I didn't go cause it was rain'n hard and I thought I needed a 'break' ... Well, my sponsor called me the next day and asked where was I last nite? ... I said IT WAS RAIN'N, so I took the night off and watched TV ... I said it felt so good, I might do it again tonight ... he said you ever go get a beer when it's rain'n??? ... I said yeah I have ... He said, WELL, you missed it ... I asked, what'd I miss ... he said I DON'T KNOW ... I said WHAT, didn't you say you where there???? ... he said yep ... I said, then what'd I miss ... he said WE'LL NEVER KNOW ... I said WHAT ... what the hell you tak'n 'bout??? ... he said I heard what I was supposed to hear, but we'll never know what it was YOU WAS SUPPOSED TO HEAR ... ... ... I said 'Damn, I missed it' ... I need to go every night so I don't MISS IT ...
In time, things change ... do what we suggest now and soon you'll have years of sober live'n behind you ... you may or may not find it necessary to go to a meet'n every day, it all depends ... everybody is different ... good discussion ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
