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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> JEALOUSY?-- I'm not even sure...just terrible. Need sobering advice.
Post Info TOPIC: JEALOUSY?-- I'm not even sure...just terrible. Need sobering advice.
Peridot0623


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JEALOUSY?-- I'm not even sure...just terrible. Need sobering advice.
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Oh, relationships in recovery.... always getting people into trouble. Before you roll your eyes, I am begging you for help... please. I am in a committed relationship in recovery. He is a divorced man with two little adorable children. I have never been married and have no kids. I love this man with everything I have and he is a great, wonderful, humble person who would do anything for me. I am sure of this. 

His ex wife is also in the program. Furthermore, this ex wife is dating a male friend of mine whom I briefly had relations with before my current boyfriend. This man is also in the program. 

I have gotten myself into this situation, and I am consumed by constant thoughts of her. At first, it was fear and jealousy, but my boyfriend showed and assured me that he is in love with me and faithful. Those blunt and direct feelings of jealousy have since dissolved, but I cannot stop thinking about her.. about how I do not like her as a person... how I resent that she is a somewhat accomplished individual... I could go on. The crazy thing is, I am also quite accomplished, attractive, etc. But I CANNOT stop cringing when I see her, wanting to disappear and cry, and ultimately obliviate. 

I pray in the morning to just not think of her for that day. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I dont even know what step to work or where to begin. I have been through the steps before and gathered an amount of sober time that I am truly grateful for. 

I am in such pain over this, as silly as it may seem. I just want some relief. Thank you for reading. 



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Tanin


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 Are you an alcoholic, P0623?

 

 

 



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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 
Peridot0623


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YES 

i'm in the program. sober 2 years.



-- Edited by Peridot0623 on Monday 25th of January 2016 09:41:11 PM

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Tanin


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Hey, good for you. Have you considered Al-Anon Family Group?

With your situation you might best served by the Al-anon Family Group forum:

alanon.activeboard.com

Do you have an AA sponsor?

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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 
leavetherest


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I would suggest attending other meetings since seeing her brings you so much distress right now. I can tell by what you wrote that this situation has you very upset. Try to do some deep breathing and relax--I drink herbal tea...Sleepytime, Chamomile are really great ones which help me de-stress. Keep in mind that this is all part of life and you need to know how to handle situations which confuse you and you do not understand--for now. Try to look at this as a learning experience to teach you one or more things about yourself. You probably do not have any idea what it is right now. Chances are, in time, you will and you will no doubt grow and be stronger for it.
I also would strongly suggest that you refrain from sharing too much about this woman with those in your meetings. I have learned that there are folks in the rooms, as there are out of the rooms, that are eager to spread gossip. You sure do not need the extra burden of having to deal with that kind of thing.
It may be helpful to journal your feelings and get them out on paper or your computer. Continue to pray and what I do when I am upset at someone is ...."God Bless (name)....Change Me".
That really is helpful to me. Take care.



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Pythonpappy


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Welcome to MIP Peridot ... glad you're here ...

Okay, I've read your post a few times and I am try'n to understand why you have this 'jealousy' situation ... Let's see, you say you're romantically involved with this woman's Ex and that you and he are committed to each other ... is this correct??? ... and this woman happens to be date'n or has established a relationship with a guy you no further wish to date??? ... is this correct??? ... and you are happily settled in with a man she no longer wishes to be with??? ... is this correct???

I fail to see any reason why you should be jealous of a situation that has all the appearance of you have'n everthing you desire ... it seems everthing is go'n your way ...
or am I miss'n something??? ...

If you've worked the steps with honesty, then you should have all the tools at your disposal to work through this internal strife you've expressed here on the board ... I could be wrong ... but this sounds like me in the past make'n a Mountain out of a Mole Hill ... before recovery came along ...


Love you and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Peridot0623


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wow. pythonpappy, thank you so much for that. I need to be reminded about perspective. You helped me greatly. I hope I remember that.



-- Edited by Peridot0623 on Monday 25th of January 2016 11:11:36 PM

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Pythonpappy


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Well, after all, we ARE here to help each other ... no matter what we're have'n trouble with ... we're Family ... I'm just happy you found something I said useful ...

Stick around ... we can always use your ESH ... we all need each other for this program to work ...



Love you and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
emmi331


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Hi, Peridot, and welcome. It sounds like this other woman has become an obsession with you, living rent-free in your head, even when you try to evict her! And we alcoholics certainly know all about obsession. I am not sure how often you actually see her, but it's probably hard to avoid, since apparently she and her ex share children, and possibly custody arrangements. This is the best ESH I can give you, since I've been through an obsessive situation with another person in the program: Stay away from the same meetings, as once you see this woman at a meeting, your mind will probably be distracted from the healing and recovery you receive there. Try not to be around her at all - at least until you feel you can deal with it (this may take a long time). Out of sight, out of mind. And remember she's another alcoholic suffering from the same disease we all are, so pray for her - through gritted teeth, if necessary. See her as another child of God, as you are. I truly hope you have a sponsor to help you through this!

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Fyne Spirit


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Is your partner an alcoholic?

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Fyne Spirit

Walking with curiosity.
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