Veterans day is one of those days that gets me gloomy and messes with my emotions. I planned to hibernate at home but went to a restaurant for free lunch. In the very long line, a lady saw my hat and said her mom had the same patch. (This is the part you'll want Kleenex)
She said her moms name and asked if I knew her. She said her mom had a stroke and died a couple of years ago. I told her I knew her and had photos of her if she wanted them. The lady had lost all her photos in a fire. She was bawling, then it was my turn. There we were, two grown-ass women, strangers even, bawling our heads off in front of Applebee's.
The day had a bright spot except for learning my long-ago friend died. I decided to go for lunch to adjust my attitude. If I change my routine and do things differently, I thought that would strengthen me during a weak time. It worked, still sober!
Wishing the best to all of you and keeping you in my prayers :)
Jerricka
It's great to hear from you ... how you get'n along with the VA ??? ... AND, How's your mom do'n ... AND How's the Cottage come'n along ??? ... AND How's sobriety ??? keep'n you and your mom in my prayers ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
As a Veteran(65-72) I can identify and thank you for sharing the message of HOPE..WE are all"newcomers" to each day and the daily work we do,remaining in that fit spiritual condition,is paramount to our moving forward free from active addciton.Thanks for sharing your day....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Good to hear from you pappy and mikef!
I was keeping my post on topic and not rambling too much (as I'm known to do) haha.
Its going well but only because of sobriety! The VA will scan me again in a few months to monitor the growths in my neck. They didn't bother to biopsy anything this time knowing they'll remove the things when they grow.
Mom has good days and bad days. Overall she has recovered far beyond what was predicted. The rollercoaster continues. I've learned to manage the stress somewhat and have been gaining weight. The doc is glad I'm not 89 pounds anymore. I feel much better and stronger.
The house is coming along. My energy has slowed down... I temporarily wore myself out but I'm ready for winter. Time to hibernate!
Sobriety is wonderful! If I wasn't sober I would be missing out on lots of special moments. I haven't been to a meeting in this city, its a nightmare trying to drive here. I miss that little town I stayed in for a little while...good sober community and meetings 3 blocks from where I lived. I know I'll be going to meetings here because its an important part of staying sober. I've found staying sober is harder than getting sober.
Best wishes to you both! Prayers always!
Jerricka
One of things about sobriety Jerricka, is that it is wonderful and enjoyable as long as it is what we want, not what we feel we 'have' to do ... we learn that being sober has so many rewards that we want that above all else ... sober life usually doesn't last if we stay sober for someone else ... or on a resentment, or for any other reason than it is what we desire ...
I got the feel'n you were start'n to feel 'boxed in' with few options ... I would like to see you feel'n free to enjoy a sober life and draw on the power of your HP, through whom all things are possible ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thank you Pappy.
You're very good at reading between the lines and seeing the unsaid. That comes from years of sober experience. Admirable.
I'm not sure what I'd call it, so "boxed in" is good as anything. Its not a bad box to be in...but its stressful as hell. I chose this one! I just hope when I get in a dependant condition, I'll think twice (or 3 or 4 times) before I say things that will bring my caregivers to tears, increased anxiety and a feeling of going nuckin futz. I hope God will send a bolt of lightning my way when I've reached my maximum allowance if bitching. Moms mood swings are unbearable. She will only ever get smiles and instant service from me. There will come a day when I'll long to have these days back, so I cherish each day. I keep myself sober for my own self first...then for all the other good reasons. I fight temptation more than ever...like it builds up until I give in...and start over, hating myself for it. I'm working on being stronger than that. Not giving in, not hating myself and being pleased with the results. It sounds like a pity party but its really a hanging-in-there party. I know there are ups and downs all the time.
I stopped caring about myself after Iraq but I had to adjust my attitude when I suddenly had to care for someone else. The daily tasks plus progress is overwhelming.
The straw that broke the camel's back...my cat ran away and I'm extremely sad about it. Its down to freezing at night and I worry for her safety. I guess it did turn into a pity party...but it's a sober one. Someone pass the cheese? Lol
Thanks for being there. I appreciate the input and wisdom, words from the heart.
I'll take another 24! :)
J
I have a next door neighbor who's mom is 'bout exactly as your description of your mom ... she has a hard time of keep'n 'caregivers' ... and she has to go spend time caring for both her mom and dad ... her mom goes off the 'deep end' quite frequently now ... (her husbands asks, is your mom on 'the bus' when he wants to know if her mind has 'run off' somewhere) ... one minute she's sweet, lucid, and quite the nice person she used to be, then the next minute, she's 'on the bus' and a cursing, bitching woman from hell ... and 'that' can take its toll on anyone, especially emotionally ...
I've tried to convince my neighbor that when her mom goes off the deep end, that that isn't her mom, it's her disease do'n the cuss'n and call'n you names ... I tell her her real mom just stepped out for a while ... don't blame or hate your mom, hate the disease ... that seems to have helped my neighbor, but it doesn't make it any easier to witness ...
I really don't know your details, but I can't help but think of this sort of situation when you do share ... hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries here ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Sunday 15th of November 2015 11:49:30 AM
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Pappy, you described it exactly. I think the things that contribute to moms difficulties are lack of sleep, not eating much and the numerous meds she's on. Getting the right combo makes her act like her normal self. The last couple of days have been better. One day at a time! (By the way, nothing you say could ever offend me!). On low-stress days I don't think about drinking. I do think about it on high-stress days but I don't think about it much because thoughts can lead to actions. Today I feel strong in my sobriety! On the weak days, I like to stay constantly busy. It really does help. Thank you for being there and understanding! I hope all is well in your world! You're always in my prayers!
J.
It is comforting to know I am in your prayers .... that brings a certain kind of 'peace' to my soul ... and you must know that you, and your mom, are in mine ...
Dealing with the sort of situation you're in now, is as much a part of life as is the time when we will have to deal with our own mortality ... for me, I pray that I may be granted the wisdom and strength to do the will of God as best I can before the day comes that I have no more control over my thoughts ... and when that day comes, I wish to be a burden to no one ... I pray that I may leave this earth quickly ... this is the best I can hope for ...
I wish you great personal strength and tolerance in caring for your mom ... at least my neighbor can take 'breaks' from time to time, and I don't see where you have even that luxury ... my heart pours out to you ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It's great to see you back here again. And I do hope you get out to meetings near you. Not just for you, but I'll bet there are lots of folks in those meetings (especially newcomers) who would really benefit from seeing your experience, strength and hope. Iraq, relocating to a new city and building a new home - literally 'from the ground up', becoming a primary caregiver to a parent, and staying sober through it all. It's pretty darned miraculous stuff for an alcoholic. I still remember the great pictures you posted here of the new house, and I bet that porch in front will make a great place for a newcomer to get out of the city and spend some time with a sponsor and do a fifth step some day.
Pappy and Dave,
Thank you both for your encouragement. I try not to think of everything on my plate at the same time or it would be overwhelming. I deal with whatever comes up as it happens and have plans for the "what if's". If I was drinking it affects more than just my life. I know how that would turn out and I'd regret it. Being a caregiver gets me out of the " poor me's". (There are moments!!) I can focus on moms needs and get out of my own head. I have to think God is helping a lot because I'm not strong. I'm a basket case and I don't know how I've made it this far. I credit God. I also credit you both, as well as everyone here because THIS is my group...and everyone here offers strength. I try to share mine as well. One day at a time!
Keep on keepin' on! J.
Our whole purpose in being here IS to help each other deal with life ... hopefully without alcohol ...
When I was drink'n, I pretty much sought out 'PITY' from everyone I could get to listen to me ... I made mountains out of grains of sand ... thank God and AA that 'today' when I need help, it is for moral support to get through a tough time and not to sit on my 'pity pot' anymore ... I know I'm not 'trapped' like I used to feel, I know these things 'shall pass' and I will be okay ...
So we come here and get the encouragement from others that 'understand' what we are facing ... it's a great comfort to know we are not looked upon as needing 'pity', but rather receiving others prayers and compassion when we need it ... they come to know we are with them in spirit ...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.
God Bless us all, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Amen, Pappy!
No one can do it alone. AA, prayers, meetings, Higher Power, sponsors make the best support system for successful sobriety. One day at a time becomes years! Best wishes! J
