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Post Info TOPIC: Influence....


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Influence....
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After being "under the influence of" for so long (and you all know what I mean), the word "influence" has taken on an additional meaning for me..I have spent way too much time focusing on the people who I HAVE LET have a negative influence on me. (And I put the words all in caps intentionally because, after being in AA for a while, I know that I am the one who allows any negativity to enter my mind.)

There are some folks, I know, which I consider rare individuals, who are unique....they practice what they preach, are positive and uplifting and exemplify to me what living a serene life really is all about. They do not tell me to be one way, and then do the opposite. There are an extremely very few people in my life who I know to be this way. .

About me...both my parents (at least in my opinion...) looked and "acted like" movie stars. My dad was gorgeous, as was my mom. My dad resembled Cary Grant..and my mom..Sophia Lorene ....(I got told I resembled Joan Rivers when I was in 5th grade...so there you go. Switched at birth? I don't know....LOL) Not sure if this has anything to do with any of this. Hope it made you smile anyway, if not.

In the past...so many of my "close" relationships have been because I was impressed by someone and wanted approval....an attractive man or woman often caused me to think--"this attractive man is giving me time...I must be special", etc., "this attractive woman wants to be my friend"..(same thing--I must be 'special/worthy "). Not sure if it has anything or everthing to do with my parents. Unfortunately,  I didn't really pay as much attention to anything other than their physical appearance. I overlooked so much. So I have been a lot of the times affected by someone's physical exterior more than anything else. I idealized them--much like we do stars, heroes. I have often dismissed my own thoughts thinking "they're perfect--they can do no wrong". (Which, btw, I thought the same of my parents) So I have stayed in relationships longer than I should have, when other issues surfaced that I questioned, because I was "judging a book by its cover" and not paying attention to what was on the inside enough.

My point is in all of this is that I wasted so much time judging people. I placed so much emphasis on exterior rather than interior.

I have been in a relationship with a guy for many years. Although I have no idea if he is the "right" one/marriage material for me...(My "perfect" match will be a very protective dog), I will have to say that the whole time we have been together I have never heard him spread gossip/talk mean about another. I haven't ever heard him voice a resentment about someone. (Not the average run of the mill alcoholic--I know) He has this (irritating to me sometimes) "live and let live" attitude about him. Even before AA. Always had. Someone could take a crap on him, and he would worry more about having a Kleenex to wipe off the shmear than the actual "act"....Let's things go..forgets about them...what's that all about?? The man has never been critical about anyone and if someone has "hurt" him, I sure haven't heard about it in the seven plus years I have been with him. He attributes his positive attitude to his mom and his dad...both God fearing Catholics...he's an atheist. Go figure. BTW...He has been an "actor" in the past and is like me, an alcoholic...double appeal. But he irritates the hell outta me...because I am not like him... I get mad/get even. He and I are night and day in our perceptions of other people.

That's what makes the world go around and life so much more interesting. As long as I have people I can look up to, try to be like (although probably never will come close to)...I don't have to just settle for "me".

 

 

 



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