Looking for a MUST DO LIST!!!

DrShok · Newbie

Looking for a MUST DO LIST!!!

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Welcome DrShok, ...

I don't know 'bout everybody else here, but one of the reasons I stuck around AA for so long is that all they ever told me was in the form of a suggestion ... nobody ever told me what I 'must do' or 'had' to do ... they always said "I suggest" you do this or that ... I tell ya, if I had walked in a meeting and someone started telling this alcoholic what I was going to have to do to get and stay sober, I'd have walked right out and probably never set foot in an AA room again ... that's just the way it is ...

Your partial list up there is all things we start wanting to do actively once we been around for a while because it's who we've become during the healing process ... but we don't HAVE TO do a dag-gum thing if'n we don't wanta ... ... ...

Take Care,
Pappy

DrShok · Newbie

right, so isn't there something about how we o out and extend a hand to other people? I guess it was a different Step program?

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Maybe you're thinking about AA's Responsibility Statement:

I am Responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

There are loads of musts in the Big Book. It is one of the confusing elements. The added things like suggestions, and God fo your understanding etc after the text was reviewed by the members so you end up with suggestions contradicting musts. Study the book and pick out the musts that make sense to you.

We must be rid of this selfishness, we must or it kills us, is one of my favourites, but I think my all time favourite was Bills realisation the he must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. And maybe on step five, we must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.

Of course we say they are only suggestions, but I have yet to find the suggestion that all will be well if we only take part of the medicine.

-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 15th of September 2015 04:38:54 AM

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Okay, I guess I was thinking more in the line of what 'new-comers' hear early in sobriety ... and the fact that no alcoholic ever wants to be told what they 'must' do ... but Mike(Fyne Spirit) makes an excellent observation ... and the musts in this category, to me, are in the area of 'common sense' thinking that is only attained through working the program ... you know?, in the area of how an individual deals with selfishness, anger, etc. ... we determine for ourselves what we feel we must do in order to retain that peace and serenity that we worked so hard to get ... and there are certainly some common 'musts' in addition to ones we decide we should do, that are necessary to maintain our spiritual health ...

I guess to me the actions that one must take in order to maintain good sobriety are not musts, but actions I see as desires to develop a healthy God consciousness ... meaning I don't have the feeling I must do these things, rather, I want to do these things for the joy it brings me ...

Does that make any sense to anyone other than me??? ...

God Bless,

Pappy

hopefulone · Senior Member

That's funny....I've never heard of the "Mantra" list. I'm still learning....

Pappy,
Everything you have ever said makes sense to me. :)

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

Fyne Spirit wrote:

Of course we say they are only suggestions, but I have yet to find the suggestion that all will be well if we only take part of the medicine.

We say they are suggestions because the authors carefully, insightfully and literally wrote that they were suggestions.

The suggestive approach is in the DNA of Alcoholics Anonymous. The pioneers of AA tried mightily to avoid the directive approach.

I defer to the wisdom, inspiration and clear intent of the writers. We should keep it simple. Suggestions are suggestions.

hopefulone · Senior Member

Fyne Spirit wrote:
There are loads of musts in the Big Book. It is one of the confusing elements. The added things like suggestions, and God fo your understanding etc after the text was reviewed by the members so you end up with suggestions contradicting musts. Study the book and pick out the musts that make sense to you.

We must be rid of this selfishness, we must or it kills us, is one of my favourites, but I think my all time favourite was Bills realisation the he must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. And maybe on step five, we must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.

Of course we say they are only suggestions, but I have yet to find the suggestion that all will be well if we only take part of the medicine.

-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 15th of September 2015 04:38:54 AM

I have tried many times to only do part of what is suggested. Some days one annoyance turns into half a dozen or more before I know it. Pretty soon what starts as a "rough" day, turns into a nightmare day and my mind is in turmoil. So I have to remember to ask myself what I am doing wrong.....I "know" this stuff....why am I so depressed (and/or mad, bitter, resentful?) I have to admit in every case where I question this it comes down to the fact that I didn't follow suggestions.....such as forgot to pray, didn't do my homework, didn't pray for someone, didn't go to a meeting before my mood(s) got the best of me....didn't help someone that day.....became withdrawn and isolated and dwelled on myself....and there are other things. And if I only take "part of the medicine" as Fyne Spirit posted, I am going to stay a mess. I think that is where the "half measures availed us nothing" says the same thing. I think I thought by working the Steps I was finished and it was a free ride after that. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's a lifetime thing.

hopefulone · Senior Member

(And I really don't "know" this stuff. I am not going to ever tell myself that.)

DrShok · Newbie

LOL! So there are no MUSTS pertaining to helping others. Some would call it a recruiting tool.

So, we start the circular argument about the "MUSTS" in the big book. But then the SLOGAN " Take what you want, leave the rest. Or Fake it till ya make it ??

I found the 57 Musts on a wallet card. I found 83 Musts, 103 Musts ???

www.barefootsworld.net/aa103musts.html

hopefulone · Senior Member

I help others as I feel guided to and that is by praying to God to lead me. Sometimes I feel moved to commit to making coffee. Other days I may feel moved to go to coffee with someone....it varies...and I think God puts people in the path of other people for a reason. I would have a hard time following a "must do" list. I prefer to think of it as "must do God's will".

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Very well said H1 ...

DrShok ...

When a person works the steps in AA and comes to know a 'love' they've never experienced before, they develop the desire to help others as a natural course of the healing process ... to me, for there to be 'musts' in the area of helping others, it would take away the real reason for doing so ... we should even go to the extent of doing good for others without it being known to anyone, you know, anonymously ... that's where a person is truly rewarded ...

And it doesn't do any good, to do good, for the recognition from others, in God's eyes ... think that has to do with pride and probably ego ... it should come from love for helping another human being, which is a part of the whole recovery process ... ... and then giving thanks to God for having the means available to do so ...

"Take what you want, leave the rest. Or Fake it till ya make it ??" ... ... ... 1st of all, not all meetings carry the message in a reasonable caring fashion ... things do sometimes get a little 'out-of-control' ... SO ... take what you can use in this situation and certainly leave the rest ...

I never liked the expression 'fake it til you make it' either ... however, if a person does, let's say pretend (fake it) there is a higher power, and goes through the motion of praying, doing good deeds, working the steps, etc. and goes on to experience the miracle of recovery, then they come to know for sure a power is in control that is much greater than them ... in this case, it's much better for them to have 'faked it', at the time, so that as they witnessed these miracles, they came to believe and live the program ... for some, that's the only way they can accept recovery through AA ...

Just an opinion from an old drunk ...

Take Care and God Bless,
Pappy

hopefulone · Senior Member

I am going to take Pappy's suggestion about being "anonymous" when helping others.

Like my baking for instance....I have learned the hard way after doing this form of service work throughout most of my sobriety time. I recently was told by a friend that I was just doing it for "attention". I talked to my sponsor because I was hurt. I now know that it is better to do things for others without it being "known" to others. This was not the first time I was told that I was just looking for "attention" and had I listened to the person who let me know that well over a year ago, I would have stopped. She suggested I get to the meetings early and bring the things. That was a great suggestion, only that I was dependent on someone else for a ride and it was not on my schedule, but his. Most of the time people were already there by the time we got there. I think I liked baking so much because I didn't do as much of it for my family when I was with them. I was too busy being preoccupied with wreaking my life with booze. I felt like the people in AA were my family I was baking for. Also, it was helping me stay sober. There were times I really didn't want to go to a meeting. By telling myself I had to make treats for others it got me to a lot more meetings than I know I would have gone to. So I guess it was for a selfish reason, as well.

If I was indeed, spending my money (which I have little of) and all the time I did in helping others for attention, than I will say, shame on me. I really thought I enjoyed doing it because of the reasons above. There are so many other things I could have done for attention which would have cost me nothing and not taken up so much time. I am doing those other things now, such as spending more time on this board and another one, trying to help people. I also believe that the helping others does not just apply to alcoholics....it is to any human anywhere in need. I am branching out and looking for another form of service work which is not AA related, such as helping in a homeless shelter, feeding the hungry, etc.

I will have to say when that woman told me recently, who I thought was a good friend of mine, that she thought I was doing it for attention, it did something to me. I have changed. No more will I ever bake anything and carry it in to a meeting in front of people. If I ever do make anything for others, like my sponsor told me, I will make sure it is when I can get there early enough so no one sees me. If anyone asks me if I brought it, I will say nothing and act like I didn't hear them.

-- Edited by hopefulone on Sunday 20th of September 2015 08:58:04 AM

BLUESMAN · Senior Member

Good Morning

I cannot keep my sobriety unless i give it away , for me that is a must.

Bill W understood that if you read the bottom pg 153 Big book he shares his expirence with that .

The Writers of the Big book were Kind , i was like Pappy you could not tell me what to do ,,but if you suggested i might ,,for me today this about my survival.