I am a counselor and a grateful member of al-anon. I work with a lot of active addicts and people in recovery...as well as family members of alcoholics/addicts. Looking for a better understanding of something. What is it like for you to manage both your own recovery and have family members who are still active alcholics/addicts? What have your experiences been like with that? I could think of a million more questions, but I am sure many answers could spin off of the questions I asked. Thanks in advance.
-- Edited by ohhello on Monday 17th of August 2015 03:25:33 PM
If you decide you would like to cut back on eating cookies when you're feeling emotional and don't have any coping methods other than eating a cookie... how would you feel if you told your loved ones you wanted to stop and learn new coping skills but they didn't care enough to stop eating cookies in front of you and filling the counter with cookies?
In time you would learn to not take others actions as 'at you' if you were attending a 12 step program... and you'd learn many other skills to survive life as a human. Eventually being around cookies or people eating them would not bother you because you would have healthier ways to survive being human. But that takes time to learn... openness... willingnes etc.
-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 17th of August 2015 04:06:36 PM
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Hello Oh Hello...catchy eh? I learned a life saving procedure in Al-Anon which is called "detachment". In detachment my life and how it evolves is my responsibility and mine only and I don't get to blame the outcomes; good or bad on others including family. I live my own life and I leave theirs alone. I am also a former therapist and so I could understand the principle as "practicing what I preached" (in meetings and to sponsees). I learned it was ok and very necessary to pull away from the drinker and users in my life and that it was very necessary. My alcoholism assessment advised me that if I drank again I would die having experienced toxic shock several times. Its okay to not drink or hang with drinkers or users...rally is. keep coming back. (((hugs)))
I had found my own recovery shaken(even though at the time I had been free of active addiction for more than two decades)I didn't want to use(drink alcohol/shoot dope) but I just wanted to be away from it all.marriage,kids,work,,dig myself under a rock/ My then 17 year old son was a hard core heroin addict,robbing us blind,overdosing ,going to jails ,ICU units ,drug courts ,institutions you name it.I knew as a parent and a father in deep recovery that unless he came to our 1st STEP there was not much we could do.Our hardest decision was to put him on the street at 90 pounds with a $200.00 a day jones.By the grace and mercy of the God of our understanding,we knew he would die,go to jail or seek recovery..I am an active member of Nar-Anon similar with Al-Anon only working the 12 STEPS focused on ADDICTION AS THE DISEASE and not the ONENESS of ALCOHOL..i SAT WITH MANY PARENTS ,ADDICTS AND FRIENDS OAND RELATIVES OF ACTIVE ADDICTS. I reenforced the idea that I didn't cause his addiction,I couldn't control his addiction and I certainly couldn't cure it.The concept of "detaching with Love" became a difficult but necessary tool in order to let him find his own way,,just like I had to find mine.The program was of immense help to myself and my family(my wife who is a normie,my 3rd)Being able to share from both sides of the coin was helpful not only for me but other members said it was helpful for them..My son now 29 is almost 5 years clean,I have still celebrated uninterupted freedom from active addiction for more than 3 decades a day at a time..As the adage goes"it works if you work it" There are many many different roads to recovery and WE are reponsible for our own recoveries whatever it takes..WE understand that "recovery " is not just based on abstinence but in the application of OUR SOLUTION,,the steps ,in all areas of our lives!With active addicts still in our families or close by we have to learn to set boundaries(minimal but ones we will be able to enforce) and trust in our HP to work out the particulars..My son has told us that by no longer enabling him,telling him if he used in our home he was out and sticking to it,helped him save his own life.We are fortunate and blessed parents and Have truth faith and trust in our God....ADDICTION is a Family disease,,whatever help is available i could only suggest seek it out..Good luck,thank you for your work with those still struggling with the devastation of active addiction
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Unfortunately I am not at the point where I can be around family members who still drink. I believe my brother may be one of us and although I may be able to handle one or two drinks in front of me, anymore than that, I will have to calmly excuse myself. No need to take his inventory, get into a screaming "You shouldn't be drinking in front of me" type of confrontation with him. It is his decision to drink as it was mine when I drank. There was nothing anyone could say or do that made me want to quit until I was ready to do so on my own.
