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Post Info TOPIC: Went to the bar last night


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Went to the bar last night
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so, I'm sitting at home, playing my guitar, and my next door neighbor comes over. Drunk. "Steve, come on, hop on my 4 wheeler, let's go down the road to the bar." I figured I haven't been  out in awhile, so, why not.  I sez, "I ain't riding on that thing with you. Yer drunk. I'll drive the car there". So, we go. There was a local band playing.

A couple of observations:

1. I used to like Lynryrd Skynyrd. I don't any more.

2. Girls don't look as hot when you're not drinking

3. Guys arent as funny when you're not drinking

4. Bartenders don't pay a lot of attention to me, when I'm not drinking

5. Girls still pay a lot of attention to me, even though I'm not drinking

6. girls probably wouldn't pay any attention to me, if they weren't drinking

7. my friend looked pathetic, sitting at the bar, eyes glazed over, looking like he could fall asleep and fall off the barstool

8. I still like people

9. I don't really like bars

10. I don't miss that shit (booze) one friggin bit

 



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I've got a hangover, and I didn't even drink.



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You might have had more fun if you had went on one of those 'naked bowling' tours, LOL ...

You have to be sure to be in very fit 'spiritual condition' before venturing out to a bar like that ... Alcohol is 'cunning, baffling, and powerful' ... very, very, powerful ... careful with your decisions ... (it worries me a little) ...



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Oh man. Bars, when sober, are one of my worst nightmares. The drinking temptation is obviously a factor, but even more repulsive is seeing how sad and egomaniacal people are when drunk. People say the stupidest crap and think they're fascinating, people make obnoxious comments and think they're hilarious, and people seem to lose all regard for others in the room. Knowing that I was among the worst of the worst makes it even more depressing. I once went on a cruise in early sobriety and it was AWFUL. It was like being in a bar for seven days with no internet service or method of escape. Seriously thought about jumping ship and trying to swim to a nearby island, a few times :)

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That's one thing I don't have any desire to do. And if I had a friend or neighbor who came to my place drunk and tried to insist I go with him, I would not be much of a friend if I went with him to "babysit" and watch him or her get more plastered. I would like to think I would give them two options --I would call a cab or I would call a police officer to make sure they didn't kill someone if they insisted on driving drunk.

I don't care how long it had been that I been cooped up in here--I am not going to any damn bar!

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Pappy, I had no desire to drink, whatsoever. Quite the opposite, actually. The bartender was pouring shots right in front of me, and all I could think was "nasty fricken poison. why would anybody want to drink that? YECK!!". When I think about alcohol, my brain doesn't register it as something that made me feel good. For some reason, all of my thoughts that correlate to alcohol are about how sick it made me feel. 

Adam, yeah, drunk people are annoying to me anymore. And I was a very annoying drunk. When my next door neighbor comes over drunk, he annoys the Hell out of me. I like him when he's sober, he's an ok guy, but when he's drinking, I look at him, and think "that's how I used to be. Why did I even enjoy getting like that?" Towards the end, I didn't enjoy it. At all.

Hope, I was being a friend to him. He's not gonna stop drinking till he's ready. In the meantime, I can make sure he doesn't get in trouble, or hurt anybody else. I tell him all the time about how much better I feel, and how much better my life is without alcohol. I try not to preach too much, though. People don't want to heat that. I'm just hoping one day, he comes to me and sez "man, I'm thinking about quitting drinking". THEN I can preach. Till then, it's a waste of time trying to convince him. And I can't run from alcohol. It's everywhere. It's not like I actively seek out places where people are drinking, I hardly go out at all anymore. But my life ain't over because I don't drink, either. Believe me, if alcohol was still a temptation for me, then I would make an effort to avoid it.



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You are apparently either working the program alot better than I am, are more emotionally sober than I am and/or like someone was quoting that part out of the BB to me on this board not long ago, can be around other drinkers and it not bother you.

I just am not there --yet. I hope "being a good friend" to another drinker does not mean that I am expected to go and hang out with them either in and out of bars--if that is what it takes, I am afraid I will probably not "have what you or anyone else has".

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BL, what is the reason you went to the bar last night?

What was your purpose in going and how long did you stay?

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Well, I wish we didn't live so far apart because if I were still into the bottle, I would want you to call that is for sure!

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Tanin, I went for 2 reasons: I didn't want my next door neighbor driving his 4-wheeler to the bar drunk (it's still a DUI, even if it's not a car, and he already has 1 DUI. He was going with or without me.) And, it's only a mole down the road, I've never been there,  and I haven't been out in a while, (I work for myself, at the property I'm living on. Everyday, I get up, work all day, shower, and practice my guitar. I don't leave the property hardly ever. Once every couple of days, I go to the store. I figured it would be good to get out for a little while.) 

we only stayed for an hour and a half. He wanted to stay longer, probably till closing, but I was bored. And I was driving, so he didn't have a choice.



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Hope, I haven't worked the program any more or any better than anyone else. If you work the steps, talk to your HP regularly, and listen to people at meetings, it shouldnt be an everyday battle. Yeah, we take it one day at a time, but it shouldn't be a battle. At least not for anybody who's been sober for a good period of time. If it is still a big battle for you, then, I really don't know what to say. Maybe somebody with a lot more time of sobriety might be able to give you some good words. It certainly shouldn't be a problem being around other drinkers. A large percentage of the population drinks alcohol, it's hard to avoid drinking people and situations every day for the rest of your entire life. It's at every convenience store, grocery store, restaurant, everywhere. You can't hide from it.

i don't look at people drinking with envy. I look at them with pity. Because a lot of them are going to get in a lot of trouble, and become hard-core alcoholics. They just don't know it yet. The ones who can drink responsibly, and have a good time, and not let it affect their life in a negative way, well, more power to 'em. Good for them. It wasn't good for me. 

I've said it once, I'll say it again, I look at that shit like its poison. Because that is exactly what it is. I just wish I had realized it sooner.



-- Edited by Baba Louie on Sunday 16th of August 2015 08:11:58 PM

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And as far as emotional sobriety, well, I've got my ups and downs, just like anybody else. I don't want you to think that I've got it all figured out, because I dont. I have emotional issues and scars, just like most of us alcoholics. But I know 1 thing, and this I know for sure: drinking alcohol will make any emotional problems I have bigger. Anything that's up in head, that might not be right, will blow up 100 times over if I drink that poison. And I don't know if I could handle that again. I'm kinda lucky I got out alive as it is.



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I think I have so many painful memories that I don't want that stuff brought up in my head again and me feeling all guilty and remorseful again. I know eventually I will have to be around people who do. I just don't have to right now.

You sound really really good and really strong, Baba. I'm taking notes...

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You need to take notes from somebody who has more years...I could fall at any time.



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...and I'm not saying you should go to a bar, either. If you don't feel comfortable around alcohol, and people drinking it, then stay away from it/them. 

Youve got to somehow lose the desire, Hope. If you don't, it's always gonna be hard. It's always gonna be a struggle. It's always going to be on your mind. Once you lose the desire, once it has been lifted, it's a lot easier. It's not hard to anymore to not drink (for me), because I don't desire it. If I desired it, it would be hard. 

Right now, I'm trying to cut the sugar out of my diet. It's bad news, sugar is. Not just for me, but for anyone. But I still desire it. So, when I walk into the convenience store, it's hard for me to not buy that bag of chocolate covered raisins. When Im looking for something cold to drink, and I'm at the convenience store, and the beer is right next to the ice tea, it doesn't even cross my mind. It's almost like its not even there. I don't even think about it. Not even a passing thought for a second. It's not an issue. It's not an option.  

The sweets and sugars are a little different. Same with the cigarettes. They're both horribly bad for you, but the bad effects are not immediate. Not like alcohol, where, once you start drinking, the bad effects are happening right away.,loss of coordination, slurred speech, bad judgment, and all the other things. It's a poison who's effects are felt right away. If I were to drink, immediately, my body would feel the poison kicking in. It's almost like if you were to drink turpentine or something. Sugar and tobaccos effects aren't quite as strong, so it's a lot easier to dismiss the poisoning of your body with those.

I share a refrigerator with another person. Our next door neighbor put a bottle of moonshine in there a long time ago. It's been sitting on the door of the refridgerator for many months now. I see it every day. But it's almost like its not even there. It's like if it was a bottle of turpintine. But somebody puts some cookies in there, and I'm going to have a real hard time not eating one. Or 2. Or 3. Or all of them. Because I haven't lost the desire for sugar yet. I don't know if I ever will. But I hope so. Because I don't want to have to battle the urge for it every day, and use willpower to not eat it. Willpower dosent work. We all know that.



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Baba you got it good...program that is...I see some very positive milestones that came into my recovery and stayed also and I have never gone back into a drinking situation bar or other.  I have had it around me how ever there is now law and never has been one that I have to drink and I was astounded to learn that at 9 years sober...just a God shot.  I think you have come around full turn as to who you really are and want to be...I like the expression of that.   Mahalo (thanks)   smile



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Well, thanx for the words of encouragement, Jerry. I just hope the desire to drink never comes back. And even though I have no desire now, I'm always wary of the fact that it COULD come back. And if it does, at least now I know, through reading the Big Book and through experience, that if for some reason, one day I had a desire for alcohol, that I can't even have one drink. I've experimented with "controlled" drinking many times, as most of us have, and I know it doesn't work. The only way to control drinking is to abstain. If I abstain, then I have it under control. 

I did a lot of reading and research this time when I quit. And I think the key for me, is that I now see alcohol for what it really is. I never did before. Once you see it for what it really is, the truth, and not the facade that humanity has made it out to be, it makes it a lot easier to quit. Last night, when I went out to the bar, when I saw all those people drinking, I looked at it as though they were drinking poison. Because they were. They were poisoning themselves, like I used to do. And when you look at it that way, it's not so hard to not want to drink it. Matter of fact, it was downright hard to imagine even drinking it. it's no wonder that alcohol makes us feel like shit the next day...we literally poisoned ourselves the night before. 

I don't think the desire will come back this time, because now, I know what alcohol really is: poison. I didn't really realize that before, I mean, I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was literally poisonous. Now I know. 



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And Jerry, you're right about "coming around full turn as to who you really are, and who you want to be." You really have to decide if that's the way you want to live the rest of your life, as an active alcoholic. I didn't want to live my life like that anymore, alcohol was getting in the way of me becoming the great, exuberant person, full of life and wonder and fascination and happiness, that I used to be as a child. That shit takes the life out of you. 

Once I decided that living the way I was living was not who I really was, or who I wanted to be, I made the decision to stop. And I knew that there were many tools and resources out there to help. This forum is one of them. I had been reading posts on this forum for 4 years before I quit last year. AA is another resource. The Big Book, the steps, and the meetings are all things that anybody who really has a desire to quit can benefit from. And the Internet is another resource we can use to learn about our addiction, and how to beat it. (This forum is part of the Internet). Any true alcoholic is going to find it really hard to quit for good on their own, without any help, any advice, without any friends who are in the same boat, without humbling themselves and realizing that there IS something greater than them that they can look to for help. 

To anybody who might be reading this forum, for those who are really thinking about quitting, but are scared or don't know what to do, like I was not too long ago, I'm gonna tell you something: your life is not over because you're an alcoholic. And your life will not be over if you quit drinking. Matter of fact, that's when you're life will begin. The day you decide to do something about it. The day you "come around full turn as to who you really are, and who you want to be", as Jerry said, is the day your life will begin. And it's a lot easier to do it with friends who have already done it. And you will find those friends at an AA meeting.



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There was another poster on her, goingtotry, I think was his name, and you remind me of him so much. He and I correspond every now and then. More then than now. Hope he is still sober. (He was not big into AA, however...) He had a strong resolve and determination to quit, did a lot of research, like it sounds like you did, and just quit.
Gotta get to work now. I am putting a lot more hours in and have to stick to my schedule. More later on what you posted Baba. Very interesting stuff.

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