The following excerpt is from Melodie Beattie's:

Theres a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use, said one recovering woman. The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing.
Its imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior and the person gets angry and defensive. Then WE feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other peoples best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.

 

We dont have to let others count on the fact that well always feel guilty. We dont have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guiltearned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self-care. Push. Push harder. [Shes talking boundaries.]
We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate anothers issues from our issues [by the way, issues in legal jargon means childrenin case you ever get sued], and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated."