I had to decline an offer to go on a trip for several days. I could easily cop a resentment. Beautiful Smokey Mountains, Native American crafts...darn!
All but one person who we would be visiting are drinkers. Not alcoholics like I am. Just those damned irritating "normal" drinkers who can open a wine bottle, pour one or two glasses, and recork the darn bottle. They probably are so "normal" that they don't even have to drink every drop of wine in their glass. What is that all about? I used to suck my glass dry. If I turned it upside down on a counter, there would be absolutely no moisture which would run down the sides and fall onto the surface. No joke. And leaving anything in the bottle? No way!
So....the whole thing about being around a bunch of drinkers (not drunks, just drinkers) for four evenings and watch them drink their beer and their wine just didn't sound appealing to me. (Yes, these people are so annoying they drink only in the evening hours, not in the daytime and evening!)
I have a friend who is in recovery. He can be around those "normies" when they drink. Amazing thing is, it doesn't bother him. He irritates me, too. I want what that guy has! The ability to be around drinkers without worrying about it affecting me. Maybe if I did some visual imagery here it would help me....
.....O.K. I am with a couple of drinking people. They order their wine. When I hear the words "I would like a glass of wine" being uttered when they order, I will substitute, "I would like a glass of doo doo". And when the waitperson brings their order, I will actually will myself to "see" a glass of liquid doo doo when they put it on the table. It is brown and thick--repulsive! When my friends drink their glasses of liquid doo doo, I will think how nasty and gross it all is that they are putting that stuff in their body....
....because in reality, if I put any of that stuff in my body my life turns to doo doo again. I hope my friend has a nice time. I'll keep working and praying on me and maybe one day I can be around people who can drink that crap without it having any affect on me whatsoever.
....because in reality, if I put any of that stuff in my body my life turns to doo doo again. I hope my friend has a nice time. I'll keep working and praying on me and maybe one day I can be around people who can drink that crap without it having any affect on me whatsoever.
Perhaps you should realize that the visitors/drinkers you mention, if they are not alcoholics and are not abusing alcohol, are not really drinking "crap." They are simply enjoying a libation along with the other attractions of the area and the company.
No need to denigrate normal behavior in this type of situation.
Thanks Bluesman, I want what you have too. I haven't reached that point as you have. I have heard shares from folks with years more sobriety than I have say that they haven't reached it either.
....and sorry that I sounded like I was "denigrating" (whew! I had to look up the definition of that word) others' behavior....I was trying to make it about my own alcoholic thinking.
And I am afraid that I will always look at alcohol like "crap" no matter who is drinking it because it almost killed me. If that is offensive, too bad.
This, from Working With Others in the Big Book, seems pertinent:
Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.
