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Post Info TOPIC: Every morning I wake up....


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Every morning I wake up....
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I have been through the sink-hole of life for the past 4.5 years. Because of my health and a failed marriage with three children. I turned to drinking 2 years ago and went to meetings and was able to stop. Or so i thought. 6 months ago, it was one beer with dinner and 1 or 2 rowdy nights at bowling. Now I can't even seem to live in the present moment or be even the slightest bit happy without at least a drink or 2. I beat cancer for the SECOND time. I should be one of the happiest people alive. Instead I am miserable and have become an alcoholic. I have a party/cruise today, in the damn rain, to celebrate my successful battle with cancer and cannot go to a meeting. There is the one I used to go to tomorrow night at 8. I am gonna go. But as I wake up today, luckily with a roof over my head (not paid for by me :( ) and food to eat, I know i should be grateful. But i can't find it in my heart because I know that even though I tell myself I am not going to drink today, it is a lie.

Just really felt the need to share this morning. Glad I found the board.



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MIP Old Timer

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Welcome to this forum, regal. And thanks for laying it out there. We can relate how you feel.

You would do well to go to an AA meeting if you cannot control your compulsion to drink.

You don't have to wait until tomorrow. You could go to an online AA meeting. There are four or 5 a day here:

http://aaonline.net

Next one starts at 3:00 PM. Then there is one at 6:30 PM. And at 9:30 PM.

Today...if you wish...tomorrow morning at 8:30...

Check in later and let us know how you're doing, regal.

 

 



-- Edited by Tanin on Sunday 26th of July 2015 10:57:41 AM

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Another bowler...along with me, Pappy, and Amigo, we could start our own bowling team. 

"The only requirement for being on the BA (BadAss, or, also known as Bowlers Anonymous) team, is a desire to bowl. Sober."

come join our team, Regal. We kick ass!!



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MIP Old Timer

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G'day Steve . Welcome to MiP .

"How our story Can help others"

Yes Steve , your story has helped me in many ways , although different .

I had several near fatal accidents before I got sober , though none my fault &

nobody else involved. Thankfully.

Please come back . I KNOW You are certainly going to help me & as we know .

To  keep this . We MUST give it away.

I reckon . Your Higher Power has something special lined up for you in sobriety.

Do what I did . Hang around long enough to find out what It is.



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.



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This sucks. Couldn't help but drink on the cruise. Now I feel like crap and I have real shit I have to do. So I need a drink to get through it. Unbreakable cycle. It sucks.

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harsh but true

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And really I am a pretty nice person. It is just that when I read a post like yours and think it is a possibility that you or another may end up dying of this disease I get emotional because I don't want to see anyone die. Just heard about two more people I know dying of it within the past few months.

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Welcome. Just want to point out that it's obviously not an "unbreakable cycle" because lots of people get sober and stay sober. You yourself have had experience GETTING sober so you know you can do that. So you go back to the meetings and you start putting days together again, and this time, you do what you need to do to STAY sober a day at a time. The first thing to look at would be - what was your 'program of recovery' like the first time around? What has your experience been with the 12 Steps of AA? 



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What Dave12 said...it's not an unbreakable cycle. But yer gonna ride that cycle over and over till you decide to get off. 

So, if you drank today, you're gonna fell like shit tomorrow. 

And if you drink tomorrow to feel better, yer gonna feel like shit the next day. 

But if you don't drink tomorrow, then the next day, you won't feel like shit. yeah, you might not feel like 100 bucks, but you won't feel as crappy as if you drink. You gotta go through a couple of days of feeling lousy, then it gets better every day. I don't know how hard yer drinking, but if it's a lot, like hard liquor, go to a doctor, tell them you wanna quit drinking. They'll give you a couple of valiums to help you out. 

I quit without any Benzos, and I felt shakey and nervous for a few days, but I managed.

just think, a couple of days of feeling low, then, after that, you broke the cycle, and you don't have to ride it anymore. I went through the same thing when I drank. I'd have to drink the next day to feel better. But I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

My life is WAY better without that poison. Quit poisoning your body with that shit, and join us. It's way better. 

Just don't drink tomorrow. Go find a meeting, and don't go with the feeling that you're giving up something that is fun and good for you. Cause it's not. Go with a feeling of elation, that you're giving up something that makes you miserable And sick. 

Break that cycle, Regal.



-- Edited by Baba Louie on Sunday 26th of July 2015 09:45:57 PM

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MIP Old Timer

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Well you found a forum where there are lots of alcoholics who care about you and how it comes out for you.  Join us.  You're worth it.   smile



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MIP Old Timer

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Welcome to MIP Regal, ... glad you found us ...

We care about each other here and some of us have made 'lifelong' friends ... ALL WE CAN DO is make a few suggestions ... it is up to you to take the action that will save your life, but more than that, you are making a choice to live in 'peace and serenity', to have joy in your life, to have the door open to you that will change your life and bring meaning and honor to it ...

It is simply a choice ... no one is forcing you either way ...


I pray you'll make the right choice ...
Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy


P.S. I just recently finished radiation therapy for my 2nd bout with cancer ... you are not alone!!!



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

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"If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. You may spoil a later opportunity."

Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 90



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Hey Pappy

Thanks. I just keep drinking and making excuses. this weekend it was a crash on my bicycle. (sober when riding) Yesterday , just because I was stressed, i really want to stop. I am just "powerless" sigh

Congratz on cancer free.

Steve



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regaldozer wrote:

Hey Pappy

Thanks. I just keep drinking and making excuses. this weekend it was a crash on my bicycle. (sober when riding) Yesterday , just because I was stressed, i really want to stop. I am just "powerless" sigh

Congratz on cancer free.

Steve


 Bullshit. You're powerless over the fact that you have alcoholism, not over the fact that you "keep drinking and making up excuses". You already know that you CAN stop because you've already done that before. But so far you haven't been willing to take any action to change things, like going to some AA meetings, getting a sponsor and working through the 12 steps. I mean, if you aren't going to take any action to try to change things, of COURSE you're going to just keep drinking. What would you expect?

Looks to me like you need to get honest with yourself about what you want, and make a decision - Do you want to choose to "keep drinking and making excuses", or do you really MEAN it when you say you "really want to stop", and are you willing to DO something about it?

You're out in the ocean, slowly drowning, there's a life boat right next to you full of people willing to help you aboard, and instead of DOING something about it and reaching out to grab their hand, you do nothing, and then complain that you really WANT to get out of the water...    

It's your life, and it's your choice. 

 



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MIP Old Timer

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"Some people, although definitely alcoholic, have no desire or ambition to better their way of living, and until they do........ A.A. has nothing to offer them."

Clarence S., 1944



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I had a couple of excuses myself the other night. By this evening I had some more excuses on why I want to have a drink. ("drink" --I said "a drink" LOL!) For some reason I haven't so far. I have over 2 years now.....I could do like you did, regaldozer, and throw in the towel. I have done it before. Only had a little bit of sobriety those times. Instead of drinking, I went to a meeting. I contacted three other alcoholics on the phone today. Then I was on another board trying to help people. Now I am here. Something is keeping me sober. I think it is if I drink, I cannot help anybody--not even myself! And I love feeling some self-worth when I am trying to help others. I got a bunch of crappy stuff going on right now. I could drink over just one of them. I will always have excuses to drink. I think I am just really wanting to stay sober more than I am wanting to drink. I live within 5 to 10 minutes of four different stores that sell alcohol. There are plenty of restaurants here close by. I can walk into any of those places, put my money down and either get and/or order any damn drink I want. And as long as I am going to throw in that towel, I may as well get it soaking dripping wet and get the same amount I was at when I stopped drinking and that was over 20 drinks a day.

Or if I wanted to save some time, as long as I am planning on committing suicide, I can just take a gun to my head. From what I have heard, it is quicker and less painful a death. My aunt was an alcoholic and was in the hospital....she was screaming so loud, they said everyone on her floor in the hospital could hear her. She was in so much pain and they couldn't give her enough morphine for the pain. It was a horrible way to go. My dad, he died suddenly. They couldn't tell us what one thing he died from. We were told "he had so much wrong with him from all the drinking we can't pin it down to one specific thing that took him". At least he didn't go through what my aunt did, although he was in so much pain for years from the drinking I know. I posted on here that my brother, an EMT, tried to revive him without success. He drinks now.

So, I guess I will just try to stick this thing out and continue to be the only alcoholic that I know of in my family (and we have a mess of them) who got into AA and has managed to stay sober. You can have your excuses to drink, I think I will take my "excuses" to God and talk to Him about it. Hey, at least you have others on this board who care. I posted that I was having issues the other day and had two show they cared. One of them was a newcomer, bless her heart. I felt like a hypocrite, coming on here preaching about how great it is to be sober for weeks and weeks and then have a rough day and post that. Anyway, this newcomer was helping me. It ain't fun to admit I don't "have it" as much as I thought I did when things go to Hell in a handbag and I got this little devil in a cape sitting on one shoulder telling me it is okay to start drinking again.

Good luck to you, man. I'll pray for you while I am praying for myself. We both sound like a hot mess with that little guy waving that pitchfork up in the air saying "Go for it!"

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