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Post Info TOPIC: Sober Quote for Today, Monday July 20, 2015


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Sober Quote for Today, Monday July 20, 2015
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"I have this weird self esteem issue where I hate myself, yet think I'm better than everyone else."

 

When I first heard in AA that we alcoholics have huge ego problems, I thought that was a bunch of hogwash. How could I hate myself and want to die and feel like such a loser and think I was "all that" at the same time???

It took me a while before I realized what they meant by that. Like my sponsor told me "I am the first one I think about when I wake up in the morning." he said about himself.  (I silently thought "me too".) He told me that it really didn't matter what I shared with him when doing my inventory list, because he was probably going to forget everything anyway. At first I thought "Wow! He doesn't even care enough about me to remember stuff so important to me." (Really feeling a sense of relief that he would forget most of what I shared, so my thoughts contradicted myself.) Over the last couple of years, bunches of meetings and lots and lots of shares, I realized that there are very few shares of members that I remember. Some really profound ones which moved me I will remember--some of the ones I related to, I remember.  So really, unless I found some personal use in someone else's share, I pretty much forgot it. (And there are some I am very grateful I forgot.)

I do try and think of others more than I use to and know that I do as a matter of fact. The newcomers that come in the room, pick up a chip(s) and then disappear, my daughter and how she is doing, my mom and how I need to try and "make up" for lost time (which I can never do, of course), homeless people I see on the street, etc.) I do think quite a bit of other people besides myself, however, throughout the day, I still am focused more on myself and my own recovery and my own life than those of others. (Complete honesty in this program is what they say). I do not hate myself anymore nor do I want to die. Life is worth living thanks to sobriety.

My ego is still a mess! It is like an old car--still running and useful, however, not like a brand new one-- free of life's wear and tear. It still needs fine tuning so I don't hear the rattles and other noises and the bumps along the way don't shake me all over the place. I need to be able to get through each sharp turn, each incline and remain intact. Not being overly proud about myself, nor feeling the need to feel like I am a total wreak.

(btw...the above quote was "claimed" by so many different people and sources, I don't know who to give credit to...talk about ego problems :)

 



-- Edited by hopefulone on Monday 20th of July 2015 08:14:51 AM

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