Alcoholics Anonymous
Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Love, Patience and Tolerance


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 449
Date:
Love, Patience and Tolerance
Permalink  
 


I never really thought that I was a person who was not tolerant of others. This program has made me realize that I have had and still have at times a problem with that. When a relative said something to me about a week or so ago, I could feel anger welling up in me. I had not felt that way towards this person in a long while. We have talked on the phone and visited a few times and gotten along with one another beautifully (in my opinion) throughout most of my sobriety. When she said something to me which caught me off guard and came across (in my opinion) as biting, sarcastic and insensitive, it was as if those old days came back in my mind when that kind of thing was pretty much the norm between us (I did my own share of saying things I should not have said). That day,  I became quick to judge her as being a "cruel" person." I put my trust in her and her true colors are coming out again--she really is mean"; "This was going to be a longgggg visit"; "how am I going to get through it?" were all thoughts racing through my mind. It didn't take me long to realize that these feelings of anger and hurt were not welcome in my mind. So as soon as I could, I excused myself from her presence, forcing a smile so as not to let on that I was upset at her. I went outside and intuitively started to pray.

At the time I knew these emotions were character defects of mine. I just was so confused when she said what she did and couldn't label my feelings, so it was hard for me to ask God to take away specific CD's.  For a good while in AA I didn't understand how my "human" emotions could possibly be "character defects". When my sponsor read off the (seemingly) long list of my CD's, I was shocked....."Anger"????? "Fearful"????? what the heck was that all about? They were normal emotions! They were just two of them and I felt angry that my sponsor had the nerve to write down such "bs" about me. I was fearful that I had chosen the wrong sponsor and one who I had trusted and told all my secrets to.

I had a lot to learn (and still do) about this subject about character defects. Anyway.....I was so upset at the woman and it didn't really matter to me that I didn't have a complete understanding of it. I just knew from what I have learned in AA, these emotions are dangerous for me to have. The only thing I knew how to do to get rid of them and ASAP was to pray. So I prayed the Serenity Prayer and then I prayed to the God of my understanding....."God, I don't even know how to label these emotions I am feeling...I just want to get rid of them. Please take them away and give me the peace and serenity back. I cannot afford to feel this way. Thank you. Amen". (I know it may sound goofy--I do a lot of "thanking" in my prayers, because I am grateful for anything God chooses to send my way to help me out.)

Within a very short time after saying that prayer, I felt this huge sense of relief. I realized the anger, the hurt and worry over this situation were gone. I had peace back...I had calmness and I had my serenity again. I walked back into the house and I just knew I could continue this visit with someone who means so much to me and I felt there was an unseen "shield" protecting me from any negativity throughout my visit--and it happened just like that.   I know I cannot completely get rid of all anger forever. I do realize that I have to pray more to have love, patience and tolerance towards others. That doesn't mean that I have to agree with what others say all the time. It means, to me, that I do need to realize that other people have the right to think the way they think and to say what they want to say, even if it is something which I interpret as hurtful. I have to separate the person making the comment(s) and my reaction(s) and deal with that before it grabs a hold of me and pulls me under. They are, after all, just words. I can always deal with "words". I cannot, however, deal with the consequences of negative emotions of mine which are left on their own to fester and cause me to want to drink again. So I feel as long as I practice on a daily basis to have love, patience and tolerance towards others I encounter, that protective shield will be there for me. So now I have added just that in my morning prayers. It is nice to know that with God's help, I never have to let what other people say bother me--unless I want it to. And why would I really "want" that?



-- Edited by hopefulone on Saturday 20th of June 2015 08:22:46 AM

__________________


MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 12357
Date:
Permalink  
 

Great post ... hopeful1 ... this post shows tremendous growth that usually takes AA'rs years to grasp ... good job and thanks! ...


love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



__________________

'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1305
Date:
Permalink  
 

What Pappy said!

__________________

Fyne Spirit

Walking with curiosity.

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.