Things are WAY better. For anybody who has their doubts, trust me, it gets better. It might not seem so in the beginning, but given time, it really does. It was hard for the first 8 months, no doubt about that. But I'm really starting to feel better. A lot better. Granted, I sometimes miss those "fun" times, but, for me, they weren't fun anymore. See, when yer 25 years old, and you're at the bar, and getting drunk, and having a "good" time, people look at you like " oh, there's Steve, that party animal. Looks like he's having fun". But when you get older, you're no longer perceived as a "party animal". You're "that drunk lush sittin at the bar. He doesn't look like he's happy". And how fun is it when yer sittin at home, alone, and drinking just to "feel better"? Not very fun. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It got to the point where the alcohol didn't even make me feel good anymore. I would drink a couple, and start feeling like $#!+. And then keep on drinking, cause that's what we do. Not anymore. I can honestly tell anybody who is new to sobriety (I'm still new myself), to give it time. It gets better. Way better. The only regret you'll have about quitting booze is that you didn't do it years ago. (But don't look back. You can't change the past, you can only learn from it).
One thing I have to be careful about, (maybe someone would like to expand on this, I haven't seen it come up here before. Doesn't mean it hasn't), many, even most, of my acquaintances and friends still drink. I have to be careful not to preach. I've been pretty good at it so far, which is actually quite surprising. I have a few friends that I can see alcohol being a hindrance, or even a major problem in their life, and I want to say "you need to quit that $#!+", "look at me, woo-hoo, my life is so much better", "if I can do it, anybody can". But, try not to. Or I might say it in a subtle way (again, quite surprising). I hope that they can see how much better my life is now, and the sudden exit of unnecessary problems, and maybe it will spark a fire, but, to each in their own time. I know I sure didn't wanna hear no preaching during my career.
Congratulations, Baba Louie... You're right, preaching does no good to friends and family members who drink. I sure had others "preach" to me and it had a reverse effect--"I'll show you. You can't tell me what to do. It is my life and I will drink if I want to drink" is the mindset I had. Their pleas to me to try and help me fell on my deaf ears.
For me, I cannot be around drinkers. I have heard about too many people share how they were staying sober and doing fine until they went to that wedding, party or were around people who were drinking. Their resolve just wasn't there. My brother drinks and I talked to his wife on the phone and she brought up her concern over his drinking. I have not seen either of them in years. I made it clear to her--in a nice way--that I can't be around people who drink. I did say that since I haven't seen my brother in years, if he drinks one or two in front of me, I will probably be okay. I said to her, that if he opens a third in front of me, I am leaving. I don't care if he gets his feelings hurt and gets upset at me. I'll probably be upset at him for knowing I am in recovery and drinking in front of me. It is my life at stake and my sobriety is so important to me that I do not want to start to imagine what his beer tastes like and start romanticizing it. Also, I know it would be too heartbreaking for me to watch him do to himself what we saw our dad drink himself to death. And you know what? I think it is pretty thoughtless for close loved ones to know we are in recovery and still drink in front of us. My guy friend who is in recovery too, just got back from a second family function where most all of them were drinking. Again, he wanted me to go with him. I refused. He said he was fine without drinking and being around several people who were drinking for two days! They all were telling him how great he is doing staying sober, while tipping their wine and beer up to their mouths! This is unimaginable to me being in that situation. I am glad he got through it. For me, I would be safer walking on a tightrope!
-- Edited by hopefulone on Wednesday 17th of June 2015 07:21:26 AM
One thing I have to be careful about, (maybe someone would like to expand on this, I haven't seen it come up here before. Doesn't mean it hasn't), many, even most, of my acquaintances and friends still drink. I have to be careful not to preach. I've been pretty good at it so far, which is actually quite surprising. I have a few friends that I can see alcohol being a hindrance, or even a major problem in their life, and I want to say "you need to quit that $#!+", "look at me, woo-hoo, my life is so much better", "if I can do it, anybody can". But, try not to. Or I might say it in a subtle way (again, quite surprising). I hope that they can see how much better my life is now, and the sudden exit of unnecessary problems, and maybe it will spark a fire, but, to each in their own time. I know I sure didn't wanna hear no preaching during my career.
Great job on one year ... ... ... about your friends that may have a 'drink',n' problem ... I found it best to not evaluate their lifestyle and their drink'n ... I preferred letting them question me about mine ... and if they wanted to know How I did it, I'd open the door by saying I feel great now and I have a ton of money that I used to not even realize where it was go'n ... I tell them I pissed away a fairly sizable fortune before I stopped drink'n ... literally ...
If you can peak their interest, then invite them to a meeting ... if you start by suggesting they should cut back on their drink'n, or stop, then they'll most likely get defensive and get PO'd ... (that's what I did when someone suggested I drank too much) ... bottom line, a person has to want to stop before any of our AA wisdom will do any good ...
Love ya brother and God Bless, Pappy
-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Wednesday 17th of June 2015 01:23:57 PM
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Yeah Paps...the money thing. What a great benefit. It's bad enough spending $25 a day on beer, wine, and the hard stuff! just sitting at home. But what really hurts is going out to a bar, or going out to eat. (Usually at a bar). It's so easy to drop $100-$150. Figure, you go with your friend. You're treating. (One of my other problems...generosity). Ya get a bucket of chicken wings. $25. Of course, they add on the bleu cheese and celery. $3. Beers are $3. Each one of you drinks 8 beers (low estimate). $48. Of course, you each do a couple of shots. $3 each,x 5,x 2= $30. Then yer buying drinks for the 3 pretty girls sitting next to you. $50. (Low estimate.). Yer up to $156. Plus 30 bucks for the tip. $186.00, and that's before the $5000 DUI.
,,, not to mention the cost of driving your $xx,xxx car through the front wall of your $xxx,xxx house. Yeah those little 'after dinner extras' can really add up
Well I dont and wont spend time with alcoholic drinkers, but, in a social setting other people drinking is no different to me than if they were eating. My problem has been solved, I find I can do just as the big book describes:
"We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor." (my bolding).
The part that you so boldenly put in bold, is so true. It's weird, when you think about the Big Book, and when it was written, you kind of think (or I do, anyway) how long ago it was written, and how different the times were back then, but really, it's all the same. Everything they wrote back then totally applies to life today. I tend to think that people were different back then, but they weren't. They were the same as we are now. That's why the book is still relevant after all these years. And will continue to be forever.
I know I still need to work on my spiritual status, and I have no problem with that as I feel this is a lifetime program and something which I continually will have to do. And there are so many "worse" things I could be working on than trying to become more spiritual. :) I think I will always have an "alcoholic mind". I have heard people with years of sobriety say that they avoid going to functions where alcohol is served. I really do not have many friends outside AA so will likely not be invited to many, if any, events where there will be alcohol. I do agree with what was quoted from the Big Book. I also know myself and how bad I was. I never want to go back to that place again. And I have no desire at all to watch and be around other people who drink themselves silly and act like fools.
Before I got sober I went with my bf to spend time with some of his family--all drinkers--and at that time we both drank. One day we were there, I killed off one of those large bottles of wine in addition to quite a few beers and some chocolate martinis as well. I decided that I wanted to take a swim in the lake close to the home we were staying at. It was late and dark. I started walking into the water and my bf's brother had followed me and started yelling at me to get out of the water. He knew, because I had told him the day before, that I am not a good swimmer. I hate even dog paddling in lakes and rivers. I cannot see the bottom and I am scared about fish and other "creatures". I was not scared that night. Fortunately, he was there. I may have chickened out. I do remember that it sounded good to me at the time to take a nice swim and not have the same fear of the water that I had when I was sober. Anyway, the next day, my bf and I decided to abstain from drinking given the circumstances and my stupidity the night before. So many of the relatives kept trying to get us to drink. They started drinking by noon and here we were sober--albeit very hung over--watching them drink and get sillier and sillier and more brazen in their behavior as the hours passed. It was surreal. A couple of people actually got mad at us for not drinking. We ended up leaving earlier than we had planned to because we didn't want to be pressured to drink.
I guess my point is that I don't have a real good reason for being around drinkers. Like I said, I am pretty sure I can be around my brother if he drinks one or two. For me to be around drinkers for any length of time would be for me to take a risk that I may end up "drowning". I know my limitations with where I am at now and for today, I am alright with that.
-- Edited by hopefulone on Thursday 18th of June 2015 08:30:33 AM
Congrats!
