So I'm noticing a lot of people have opinions about my drinking, saying I don't think you're an alcoholic you just need to slow down or deal with other problems in yourself. I know they are trying to be helpful and there was a time I would've used their comments to fool myself and say to hell with it, I can drink! Now it's just not helpful.
yeah, that's kinda normal. Sometimes it's a misguided attempt by people trying to be 'considerate', thinking that it's the right thing to tell someone (like flattering someone's appearance when maybe you don't really think they look that great today). Sometimes they just don't know how bad our drinking was. Doesn't really matter 'why' they say that stuff though.
Of course, if people understood alcoholism, they would realize that it's meaningless to tell an alcoholic that 'they just need to slow down'. If we could successfully do THAT, we wouldn't have alcoholism, and we certainly would have done it a long time ago.
I found that the best response is to just let them say what they want, and smile and change the subject. I don't argue with them or go into detail about why I'm sober. (And of course, there's no rule that says you have to be telling anyone that you are an alcoholic or that you are going to AA or even that you have stopped drinking).
You don't owe anyone else an explanation. People who aren't alcoholics don't understand, and people who might have a problem with alcohol see themselves in you and are afraid of getting sober. I've been sober for quite a while now and had a close friend ask me recently "you mean since you got sober you've never even had one drink? Not a sip?" They just don't get it, and that's fine. I don't bring up my alcoholism, and you'd be surprised how little other people really care if you drink or not. They're busy with their own stuff. In early sobriety I went to TONS of meetings, now those people understand where I'm coming from! Concentrate on getting yourself well, and tune out or walk away from all the other b/s.
No one knows you as well as you know yourself. It can be frustrating but try to not let their comments get to you. They are uninformed about alcoholism. They also may be trying not to be offensive, and not realizing how offensive they are. Isn't it amazing how sensitive we get to everything when we sober up?! You're on the right track- going to meetings, getting support and coming here.
Best wishes,
Jerricka
My own mom told me she didn't think I was an alcoholic. She conveniently forgot about a period of like 6 months when I lived at home at age 29 and she called me an alcoholic right to my face. I think she was afraid I was going to get brainwashed or something and blame all my problems on her. Of course I also hid the worst of it from her. She didn't see me passing out every night and waking up with dry heaves every morning. Your whole sobriety will revolve around discovering your own inner truth and nurturing it. Keep it up Arle!
Funny you should say that, because my mum was the same... She keeps saying once I work things out she thinks I'll be able to drink sensibly. I know she is trying to be helpful and is going on her own experience.
I don't think I have had anyone other than myself tell me things like that, because I was in denial for so long and kept telling myself that I could control my drinking. The family members I stayed in touch with me were just the opposite...telling me that I had a problem and needed help. The friends I hung out with were drinkers, too, so they liked having another drinking buddy to hang out with. Try to let that stuff go. Only you can determine if you have a problem with alcohol and it sounds like you have and are doing what you need to do to stay sober.
Ya know Arle? ... Opinions are like A'holes, everybody's got one ... so don't let others sway you from what you know to be the truth ... "To Thine Own Self Be True" ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
This is typical, not unusual at all for others to be in denial about your drinking. Various reasons for this, they may not want to lose you as a drinking buddy, they may drink more than you and not want to think about "if she's an alky where does that leave me?", or simply they aren't privy to the consequences of your drinking, that were the indications of your problem. Some of these folks are inquisitive and I'd tell them that "I can no longer drink safely or with certainty of what will happen once I have the first drink". I've had great success with that explanation.
