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Post Info TOPIC: My rant about FrUsTrAtIoN!!


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My rant about FrUsTrAtIoN!!
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I make no sense, even to myself, sometimes!   In my heart, I have no desire to drink...and I know I wouldn't like the outcome if I did (tried that experiment enough times to know).  So I ask myself why I get an unpleasant attitude when my "normie" friend wants to go out drinking or has already been out and stops by to visit, smelling like a brewery.  I tell her "I'm busy", which is true 99.9% of the time.   I also find myself acting like a snot toward her when she's annoyingly inebriated.  She has just caught on to my attitude and asked me why.  I didn't have an answer right away, I had to go give it some thought...
 
The best I can come up with is...that I may be a tiny bit jealous that she can handle it and I can't, yet I wish I could, so its myself I'm annoyed at.  I'm also irritated at how she smells when she's been out drinking.  I can smell her lingering nauseous odor 30 minutes after she left my home, I spray with Lysol to get rid of it. 
 
I think the real biggie for me is I see so much of my own old behavior in her and its hard to face the reminders of who and what I was.  Chewing a wad of gum to hide the odor, lying about drinking, wants a friend to go out with so she can have approval, a babysitter and a ride home.  It's like looking at my old self.  I told her "No thanks, I'm allergic to alcohol", she suggests beer instead of hard liquor.   
 
This is an acquaintanceship that will not go far as her life is centered on drinking and mine is centered on sobriety.  I was almost mad enough today to tell her I'm in The Program and nearly said I thought she belonged there too.  I can handle myself easier than I can handle other people!   I've started avoiding her to avoid saying something I really do mean!   (I'm sure this will make sense to at least one person who bothered to read all this crap!)
 
Sobriety=Happiness!
Best wishes,
Jerricka 


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MIP Old Timer

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Been there and done that myself and came to understand that my sobriety is only mine and the job got easier.  I didn't have to school or sponsor everyone like I first thought I should and that I didn't qualify as Higher Power intentionally or non.  It taught me about how I actually felt sobriety was so important and that I deeply believed in it and then...just for me.  Today I can refer to "my story" without insisting that others change their lives regarding drinking.   I am no longer an therapist and so am not employed to do assessments regarding the presence of the disease or not.   I also use your response "I am allergic" when I have to without it meaning anything more than "I am allergic and no thanks I don't drink".   Anger is an option to acceptance...choose the one you prefer to feel.   (((hugs))) smile



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Hi Jerry F,

Thank you for your reply. I definitely prefer acceptance over anger, that keeps me much closer to the Serenity I seek. In ranting last night, I discovered I still am not "fixed", but at least I'm sober and can sort out my thoughts and feelings. I was quite lost for a while and it's nice to have found sobriety so I'm sticking to it, no matter what. It's not all about me, I'm just one of many, I hope to be of service whenever needed. I'm getting to know myself again and trying to not think of my old (drinking) self...because that's far from who I am today! My Higher Power leads...I follow!

Blessings and best wishes!
Jerricka

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WoW Jerricka, ... Great post ...

Isn't it GREAT to take a peak into what we were like in our past ??? ... and why we changed ..... I've been through similar situations AND I walked away grateful for the experience ... hate the disease, not the person ...

Sounds like you may be in a position to help her one day when she sees she has lost control of her alcohol intake, that her life is in a downward spiral ... she'll probably get curious as to the how and why of your desire not to drink anymore ... Great job of handling this situation delicately ... keep being the good friend that no longer needs or wants a drink ... show her there's more to life than being 'buzzed' all the time and that life offers many other pleasures than being drunk ...

 

Love ya and God Bless,

Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



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Excellent rant!

Top work for continuing to resist and for seeming to recognise her attempts to mould you into her.

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