"Everyone wants to feel better, but no one wants to change."
Before recovery, I did a lot of things to feel better. I moved, changed jobs, girlfriends, cars, tried different combinations of drugs and alcohol, took up yoga, joined a gym - the list is endless. While these things worked briefly, inevitably I would be left feeling that giant hole inside of me, a hole that always made me miserable.
When I entered recovery, I had the same initial relief as when I tried other new ways to distract myself. After a while though, it, too, began to wear off and I could sense the hole returning. I met with my sponsor, and he told me I was feeling this way because I was resisting and refusing to change. "But I'm sober!" I told him. "Yeah, but you're still trying to do things your way. Until you surrender and really work the steps, you'll just be the same old you - only you'll be miserable and sober this time."
Thank God my sponsor was willing to tell me the truth, and thank God I was ready to hear it. Deep down, I knew I was the common denominator in all the things I had tried that didn't work, and once I got to step four and honestly looked at my part in things, I finally realized what had to change - me. While thoroughly working the steps, the promises began to come true for me, and today I am not the same man who entered the rooms all those years ago. Today I am happy, joyous and free.
And that is worth changing for.
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Copyright @ 2015 Michael Z
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
