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Post Info TOPIC: I've developed feelings for my sponsor


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I've developed feelings for my sponsor
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This is my second time around getting sober. After my relapse I decided to get a new sponsor. Sometime after doing my 5th step I noticed a shift in the way I saw my sponsor. I have worked the 12 step and continue to work them with her. She has an amazing insight of recover and I've grown tremendously from our sponsorship. But at this point I think I'm falling in love with her or it could just be most healthy connection I've ever had to another person. The gray line is confusing. I don't want to start all over with someone new. I might lose everything, not for drinking but for attraction.   



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MIP Old Timer

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Welcome to MIP SCP, ... glad to see you here ... and 'Congrats' for sticking around AA this time around ...


Sponsorship can be a funny thing ... sometimes we see it as a stranger telling us what to do to get sober, and at others, we see it as a developing, long lasting friendship that will endure the test of time ... some of us take sponsorship seriously, others? not so much ...

For those of us serious about our 'getting and staying sober', we commit ourselves to do anything to make that happen ... it is not unusual to develop such a gratitude to a person that helps open our eyes to the true nature of this disease, and how to concur it, that we develop a special bond with them for sharing their wisdom ... it is only natural for us to start seeing them as the brother, or sister, we never had ... to allow that emotional attachment to grow beyond that can put us on thin ice, so to speak ...

Relationships, of the sexual kind, that start and grow in AA, undergo a special difficultly in becoming a 'long-lasting' kind of relationship ... due to the nature of our disease and the especially hard-to-handle situations that will be thrown your way ... Personally? ... I'd allow this 'bond' you have with your sponsor some time to mature/age ... at some point you'll need to discuss your 'feelings' with her and see how she responds ... and be prepared if she does not have the same feelings for you in that way ...

Above all, you must proceed to put your 'sobriety' first, no matter what happens ... if the situation blows up in your face, find another sponsor immediately ... 'Daily meetings would be my suggestion here if that were to occur' ... Base your next actions on "Truth and Honesty", not emotions ... Emotions can lead us to make some horrible decisions ... good luck ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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MIP Old Timer

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Tipsy, quit playing around

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MIP Old Timer

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Uh Oh, ... Really ???



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If this is Tipsy again, why hasn't his IP address been banned? I mean, some people really need help, give me a break.

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MIP Old Timer

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StPeteDean wrote:

Tipsy, quit playing around


 

Really? If that was supposed to be some kind of a troll comment, he's not doing it very well. I mean, how would something as mundane and boring as someone 'developing feelings for their sponsor' have any kind of troll effect? It's not like it's going to stir up any big controversy or anything. Meh.



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I don't know who tipsy is but what the hell are you doing with a sponser of the opposite sex. Men with the men girls with the girls ect. Just for this very reason. Plus how do you do a 5th step with personal gender issues. If you want to keep messing with your sobriety go ahead it's going to get you killed though.

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Enigma wrote:

...what the hell are you doing with a sponser of the opposite sex. Men with the men girls with the girls ect. Just for this very reason. Plus how do you do a 5th step with personal gender issues. If you want to keep messing with your sobriety go ahead it's going to get you killed though.


 

AA's make exceptions. With various rationalizations....

 

Male/Female Sponsorship - Please ??

http://aa.activeboard.com/t48331690/malefemale-sponsorship-please/



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I may be out of place to say this, but... The sponsor and sponsee may not be of opposite genders in this particular situation...and, since we are a diverse group, it would be my guess that this type of relationship can develop. I wouldn't recommend it because it can put sobriety at risk for both people when emotions cloud our thinking. Just sayin'...

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Hi Coogi,

No, you're not out of place at all. There are plenty of gay people in AA of course, and several participate here, including me. And yes, since most people, gay or straight, choose a sponsor of the same gender, there is the added issue for gay AAers of how to address this possibility. But of course a gay person in AA can (and generally should) select a sponsor who is someone that has lots of experience with the 12 steps and yet is someone that the sponsee isn't going to be developing feelings of romantic or physical attraction to, just as is done by straight AAers. Of course, there's still some remote chance those feelings will develop anyway, no matter how well someone 'plans'. And that is just something that gets worked out, usually quite easily, although not always in the same way.

But in any case, if the original post was supposed to be some kind of 'troll' remark, meaning a fabricated story intending to stir up chaos and controversy, it was a pretty feeble attempt. There's nothing particularly controversial or inflammatory about any of this.

 



-- Edited by davep12and12 on Thursday 19th of March 2015 03:09:03 PM

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