As a preamble....most members may know that I haven't had direct contact with my son for over eight years...he's 23 now.
I tried step nine and was told stay out of his life, which I have done.
I now find that recently he's changed his name....dropping the family name and using only his first three names which ends with his mum's maiden name.
it stings and I've had my little internal tantrum but this morning I think that this is a part of his healing.
it does not mean I'm no longer his bio father. You can't change biology. Maybe he doesn't want to be the son of this father.
James, the door is unlocked if you want to push on the open door. I'm not waiting for you though. I'm moving forward as you are. Maybe our paths will cross maybe they won't. You can call yourself what you want and make your journey how you want.
Thanks for listening.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
I haven't had direct contact with my daughter for six years now so can understand how painful it is. She doesn't want to see me either. It hurts. I hear stories in the rooms and during get togethers with other AA'ers about parents spending holidays and other times with their kids and they sometime complaine about them. I think if my daughter ever wants to see me again, I will just be grateful for that. It sounds like you have adopted a healthy attitude which is what I have tried to do as well. Cannot control what my daughter does...only myself. I have spent far too much time being depressed and thinking about how unfair it is. Even started to pick up a drink again because of it. How ironic, as well as heartbreaking that would be when that was the one thing which caused the alienation in the first place.
Maybe one day your son will come around. Maybe one day my daughter will. We both have loving HP's we can lean on when the pain gets too much for us to bear as well as people in AA who we can call on for support. Life is good in so many other ways. I try to focus on those other ways and consider the many blessings I do have in my life. I do believe my daughter still loves me. I also think your son still loves you. They just both are hurting now and it is going to take some more time for both of them. We'll be here for them. I plan to be sober when that happens and I am sure you do as well.
Blessings.
Blessings of this day Bill! I can identify completely only my journey is a hair different..My 1st wife(had 3) took my children then 12 &13 to Texas to live(they are now mid 40"s)and while there she legally had their names changed.Though I kept as much contact as I was able at the time(still very caught in the grip of overwhelming addiction)I felt like my last contact to children was now gone...The courts said it was not detrimental to me and beneficially to the parents without having different names switching schools,my wifes new husband a travelling salesman and relocated a lot..I thought it was bunk but was in no condition to filter the whole deal,,just slipped further into darkness.One day talking with my now 46 year old son,he said'dad ,chelle(my 47 yr old daughter) and I both know you are our father no matter what and unconditionally we will always love you"spoken from the mouth of Babes...It was still awhile before my final surrender in '84 after more than a quarter century of self devastion,but healing began from that stage..Mine is somewhat different Bill,but WE remember,,we evolved around a message of HOPE and of allowing others to find their way,doing their own work and remaining teachable and available...Keep the Love in your heart mate,WE trust in that Power greater than ourselves and allow that will be done...Let the God of your own understanding(even if that is no God) be your guide,,,I will lift you in support and prayer......WE remember in recovery'lost dreams do awaken and new possibilities arise" may your son be part of those lost dreams....Peace man.......
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
