Hi. My name is Bongo, and I'm an alcoholic. I have been spared the horrors of this disease through the 12 steps and AA. At the end of August I will have 30 years of continuous sobriety. I got sober at a young age, take really good care of myself, and when people ask how long I've been sober they generally come back immediately with, "You don't even look like you're 30 years old!", which is of course and exaggeration, but I just wanna make clear that I'm not an old man. Lots of life to still to be had in me... god willing, of course. :)
I come to this forum as I feel the need for a truly anonymous place to vent, and be completely up front about things that go on with me. I'm a member of some other forums that I've become quite well known at, and when I signed up for those forums I did so not so anonymously. If you google my screename on those forums, you'll pretty much get my life story. On one of those forums, I recently posted about some struggles I was having... and the response threw me for a loop. The message I was getting, from people I'd come to know pretty well was this. If you were truly working a program, you wouldn't be having this problem. The conversation bordered on getting ugly, and I just walked away from it.
I am not a person who believes that once you apply the 12 steps to your life, you will never struggle again. I am not a person who believes that that turning your life, your will, and all your defects over to the care of god means you will never make another mistake, or experience another resentment. And I do not believe that AA and the 12 steps will make you happy, joyous, and free, 24/7, 365 days a year. Not saying that nobody's ever experienced that, it's just not been my story and I doubt it will ever be. Wouldn't want it to be. What my experience with this program has taught me is that I grow, heal and change, slowly over time. I make mistakes, and I learn from them. And with the passing of time, my mistakes get fewer and fewer, and well... they are rarely if ever really damaging to anyone other than myself. And that damage is just about always only emotional. The days of train wrecking my life are long gone. I believe they were done away with the day I turned my life and my will over to my HP. And just as I accept peace, joy and happiness in my life, I accept struggles, and the pain that sometimes accompanies the. I run the full spectrum of emotions, and I'm grateful for them all.
So that's a bit about me, and here I am. Went to bed at 3AM last night, and awoke at 6AM because I have some issues going on that need to be worked out. Will be going to a meeting tonight and will talk with some friends, but I enjoy the feedback online anonymous communities have to offer... so... I found this place, and I'm sticking my toe in the water with this post.
Is this a good place for me to let go... ??? Hmm.... Looking forward to meeting you all.
Welcome Bongo...Come on in...The water is fine. What can I say?....We are not Saints. When you find someone that works this program perfectly...Let me know. I'd love to meet them.
Welcome Bongo and 'ditto' to what Stepman posted ... ... ... too often we come to the program with preconceived notions and a 'closed' mind ... The AA program only works for those with an 'open' mind from what I've seen ... I have 6 1/2 years and have been around the block a few times ... Please try not to allow the feedback you got from other sites, or from any site, to affect your mental peace of mind ... I found what others said to me only bothers me if I let it ... Today, I know I don't have to let it, so I'm at peace with myself AND, if I screw up somewhere along the way, for sure the steps lay out what I need to do to fix it ... ... ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Although it would be nice to have a program which promised a worry and problem free life, I know of none that exist. I have had folks in AA tell me just what you were told--if I was truly working the program.... etc.
I find that response to be borderline insensitive and at least for me, not effective. I would much prefer to hear a "what worked for me...." share and what has helped that person in his/her own life rather than one which sounds to me like judging and/or taking someone else's inventory.
Hi Bongo and welcome! Glad to have you here with us. If we didn't have any further struggles there'd be no need for AA or to be here. We would be cured with a prayer and never have a problem again. Ya right! My Sponsor told me early on, if you talk with people and everything is great all the time- run! He also told me, if I got perfect not to call him. Guess what, I still call.
I actually admire folks with lengthy sobriety who can be REAL and still talk about things they struggle with. Those are the folks The Program is working for: Leveling of our pride and ego deflation.
Welcome! I'm pretty sure there are bottoms to hit IN SOBRIETY as well. To me, this program is to help me deal with life on life's terms and life ain't always pretty. Our one singleness of purpose is to support each other to get through things without needing to drink. However we can help you do that and you can help us....that is all that matters.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Welcome Bongo. I agree with you trudging the road to happy destiny they call it. AA definitely not a cure all. But it helps round out the bumps in the road for me. Lots of support here and wisdom. Welcome!!
I've got a few 24 hours, and I still make mistakes. Some pretty big ones, but nothing like when I was drinking. Now I try to correct them. Sometimes life gives us situations that can bring that about.
I try to do the best I can for that point in time. If I screw up, I try to fix it and figure out how I can avoid doing it again.
Best wishes! We've had a successful day if we don't drink!
