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Post Info TOPIC: Getting Outside of My Own Head So I Don't Get In My Own Way


MIP Old Timer

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Getting Outside of My Own Head So I Don't Get In My Own Way
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I have less than one year of sobriety. Prayer has probably has kept me sober more than any other thing and helped me get through weak times when I really thought about throwing in the sober towel and soaking up some more alcohol. Even when I first became sober and didn't believe in God, I prayed anyway hoping my prayers would "take".

At a little over three months of sobriety I went out and bought a bottle of wine from the nearby CVS. I was ready to forget my sobriety as I had done in the past and over some silly little thing which I thought was so terrible at the time. I went into the kitchen with my bottle in the white and red CVS bag and pulled out a corkscrew from the drawer. I should have gotten rid of it but much like the wine glasses which took me months and months to get rid of--I didn't. It was almost as if I expected to relapse so wanted them so I wouldn't have to go out and buy more. I was so ready to uncork that bottle and could even taste the wine with the anticipation of me opening it..... and then, without me consciously making it happen, my drunk episodes played in my mind like flashbacks one after the other--very fast. It was much like what I have heard other people describe seeing their life flash before their eyes when they have had a near death experience. I heard, "You need to get it out of here!" in my mind. I am not sure if it was me or some One else. I went from really wanting to drink that wine, to knowing I had to get rid of it--and fast. So I stuffed it in a brown grocery bag, with a note, and put it inside the screen door of a neighbor's house. I didn't want to throw it away for fear I would dig it out of the trash can later and too scared to uncork it and pour it down the sink thinking I may second guess the decision to get rid of it.  I have never given my alcohol away to anyone unless I had plenty of my own stash on hand. I don't think that was my will that caused those flashbacks. I think it was my HP taking care of me.  I believe He had other plans for me.

I have had other times since that day when I really was thinking about drinking.  I knew I had to get a sponsor and work the steps as I had heard others talk about. There was not going to be any quick fix for me, in fact, I have realized I am not going to be "fixed" at all. The only hope I have of staying sober is by working the AA program as it is intended, daily prayer (and meditation--still need to do that, as well as work on a CD--"procrastinating"), and that includes helping other alcoholics--by giving back which was so freely given to me and helping me to live instead of die from alcoholism, like my Dad did as well as other relatives of mine. I keep AA in my mind all the time--and I cannot escape it even in my dreams and I think that is a good thing because I never want to go back to the way I was. That thought was made more apparent yesterday when I was with someone who was really drunk. She was so distraught on the phone I was fearful she was going to harm herself. I know there is no sense to try and talk sense to a drunk otherwise. I was so repulsed by what I saw and couldn't believe I was like that myself so many times. I have been telling myself for most of my sobriety that I couldn't be around anyone drinking in front of me. Well, I was yesterday and I didn't crave the damn stuff one bit and just the smell of it and watching the effect it had on another human being--the stumbling all over the place, the slurred words, the anger, irrationality, etc.,  had an effect on me which I cannot explain. I went in the kitchen to make her some coffee and saw a half full bottle of wine on the counter. It was uncorked. She was on the patio and I could have easily helped myself to it. Instead, the only thought that went through my mind when I first saw it was "damn, she is drinking a mixed drink AND wine!" I thought about pouring it down the sink. Then I thought that this action may have serious repercussions such as her driving to go get more in her condition and killing one or more people. If someone wants to drink, they are going to drink. I left the wine where it was.

Since then, I have been so worried about this person dying from drinking herself to death. I got a bit weepy walking into my meeting last night and seeing all of the people who are trying to stay sober and thinking about her. I suggested to the woman that if she felt better and was sober, to try and make a meeting today. This concern for someone else other than me is new and refreshing and I want to do everything I can to help others. I feel like it is keeping me from staying in my own head so I don't get in my own way of staying sober.

BTY



-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Wednesday 23rd of April 2014 08:49:55 AM

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MIP Old Timer

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If others wanna drink? That's their business

If they truly wanna stop? That's our business

As for OUR sobriety? We are given a daily reprieve contingent on our spiritual condition

Over the years I have been on hundreds of 12 step calls..about 5 percent surrendered and attended AA

Some want to want it...on a temporary basis...till they are feeling better

Others Really want to want it..and make it...

Most die...

Easy Does It....Keep It Simple...and Just For Today

 

 

 



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MIP Old Timer

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You know what BTY....You're a lot like me. I think my first year of sobriety...I wanted to figure everything out....Save everybody....It killed me to watch people not make it...Even more so...To watch some die. I'm learning there isn't much I can do for...Like Phil mentioned...Someone that doesn't want it. Nobody could ever tell me anything...And if you had poured mine down the sink...One way or the other...I would have found more.

Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics acheive sobriety.
AA preamble

If they don't want it...It ain't gonna happen.

I'm learning I have to keep things simple. I could never comprehend that my first year....How could I keep something so complicated...Simple?? It's taken me that dirty little four letter word....TIME....To figure that out....And I learn more everyday. I've posted this Grapevine article before...Maybe you didn't get to see it....So I'll post it again. I love it. Written by Clarence Snyder...One of the original 100...Sponsored by Doctor Bob. He started the first AA group in Cleveland....They had the highest success rates of the first three groups...Akron..New York and Cleveland. I really like where he talks about finding the program difficult....Because for myself....Early on...I made it difficult. I overthought everything.....I'm getting better at that.....I'm starting to learn....What keeping it simple means......For me.....It means....Don't complicate it. Love you BTY.....You're doing awesome! 

I've Never Quit Being Active
by Clarence Snyder
A.A. Grapevine, November 1999

On February 11, 1938, I had my last drink. I was a chronic alky, and through a long, involved miracle, I met my sponsor, Dr. Bob, one of our co-founders. He put me in Akron City Hospital, where I met the alkies who had preceded me in the Fellowship.

Fifteen months later, I organized the Cleveland, Ohio AA group. The activity in the Cleveland area was hectic. I spent practically all my time obtaining and following up on publicity for AA, lining up cooperation with civic and church groups, hospitals, and courts, and helping new groups to start.

So what do I do now, thirty years later? I have never quit being active, although my position in the Fellowship has modified over the years. I attend an average of two meetings per week, when I am home. I am also asked to speak at various groups. In addition, I am invited to take part in numerous group anniversary programs and AA roundups around the country (and sometimes out of the country). Many people call upon me for counsel and advice on both personal and group problems. I have an extensive correspondence, since I have made so many friends in AA from coast to coast. Once in a while, I sponsor someone. Cases where about everything has been tried, by everyone else, often wind up in my hands.

I have not found the program to be difficult, and I maintain that if it does seem difficult for anyone, he is not doing it "right." Certainly, when I came to this Fellowship, I was in no position or condition to handle anything difficult! I kept things simple. But I must add that when I first began I was well sponsored.

I took measures now summarized in the first nine Steps of the program: admittance of need (the First Step), surrender (Second through Seventh), and restitution (Eighth and Ninth). Having done this, I no longer had a drinking problem, since it had been turned over to a Higher Power. Now I had - and still have - a living problem. But that is taken care of by the practice of Steps Ten, Eleven, and Twelve. So I don't have to be concerned about anything but a simple three-step program, which with practice has become habitual.

Step Ten enables me to check on myself and my activities of the day. I have found that most things disturbing me are little things, but still the very things which, if not dealt with, can pile up and eventually overwhelm me. My daily checkup covers good deeds as well as questionable ones; often, I find I can commend myself in some areas, while in others I owe apologies.

Step Eleven is done after my daily inventory. I usually need the peace resulting from prayer and meditation, and I do receive guidance for my life and actions.

Step Twelve, to me, does involve not only carrying the message, but extending AA principles into all phases of my daily life.

I learned long ago that this is a life-changing program, but that, after the change occurs, it is necessary for me to go on making the effort to improve myself mentally, morally, and spiritually.

This is my simple program, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a good life and is willing to do his share of helping.

C.H.S., St. Petersburg, Florida

 



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MIP Old Timer

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Yup...That pretty well says it all



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MIP Old Timer

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Great post, Stepchild!
I sure know that I don't keep things as simple as I should. That one is sure hard for me.

I am going going going and when I should be making money to help better myself in being financially independent.....I am thinking "what next can I do?" I am going over and over in my head about if I left out any resentments so I can take care of getting them down, and working through them, making any more amends which I may have forgotten, reading, praying every time I feel the least bit of any kind of emotion which is contrary to feeling love, tolerance, acceptance....(been praying a lot because I was--still am--a mess!) However, I do look at people with love colored glasses now more than I have ever done.

I really don't know if my almost total preoccupation is me being so scared to death/fear of drinking again so I am trying to prevent it or if it is God telling me that should be my major focus and the rest will come in time.

I just love being sober and each day has so many blessings in which I am grateful for!

Love you back, stepchild and thanks for all your help.

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MIP Old Timer

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It will come in time.....I had that fear too....It scared me to death. I guess everyday I remain sober....My faith strengthens....And my fear lessens. I think with that comes serenity. This is a gift BTY....And it's a gift we need to hold onto....Tightly.

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Thanks for the Clarence post. That sums up AA. Service work was extremely important early on. I was told to put as much time in my recovery as I did my drinking. That's what I had to do. Getting into the mainstream of life took time. Today, it is still based on the foundation of the 12 steps.

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MIP Old Timer

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I am chairing my second meeting next Tuesday night. EEEEKKKKK. (First one didn't have to say/do much of anything). Flubbed up all over the place. This next one has more people and scared to death. Will do ALOT of praying between now and then. First week in May going to the prison to be speaker (first time for me). Another EEEKKKKKKK. It is that getting outta my own head, making it less about me and more about others which I need to do. When I first started AA I didn't even want people speaking to me, less so speaking to others and I never ever thought I would ever be speaking in front of others.

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MIP Old Timer

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You've come a long way BTY......God's Grace.

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MIP Old Timer

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YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW....

sunset2.jpg

There are two days in every week
about which we should not worry,
Two days which should be kept free of fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY,
With its mistakes and cares,
Its faults and blunders,
Its aches and pains.
YESTERDAY has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back YESTERDAY.
We cannot undo a single act we performed;
We cannot erase a single word we said.
YESTERDAY is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW
With its possible adversities, its burdens, its larger promise.
TOMORROW is also beyond our immediate control.

TOMORROW, the sun will rise,
Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,
But it will rise.
Until it does, we have no stake in TOMORROW
For it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day - TODAY.
Any man can fight the battles of just one day.
It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities
- YESTERDAY and TOMORROW -
That we break down.

It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad.
It is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY
And the dread of what TOMORROW may bring.

Let us, therefore, live but ONE day at a time.



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MIP Old Timer

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Beautiful post, Phil.

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MIP Old Timer

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Yep, ... I had to copy this one to myself ... thanks Nut Dude ...



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MIP Old Timer

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THE Big thing for me about this -

I Should never go into my head alone , it's a dangerous place to be .

I also like what Einstein said "If man breaks something , man can't fix it"    (or words to that effect)

Yep , I can't .

BUT , WE Can



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.

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