Happy Easter Bill....Sending prayers for you and yours. I went over this part of the Big Book yesterday in a workshop I attend. I needed to hear it....Maybe there was a reason for it. The first thing the third step requires from us.

The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.

What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?

Our actor is self-centered - ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?

Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.

BB pg 60-62

We can never forget that. Peace to you and your family Bill.

 

-- Edited by Stepchild on Sunday 20th of April 2014 09:06:02 AM

Hmmm... stepchild... being from Yorkshire and being a bloke, it's always best to be direct with me. Sure I've read this part of the book in my several readings of it, but I'm not quite sure of your point and which part of my post it is relevant to. Could you be a lot more blunt and direct about it?

 

Further update, messages now getting seriously mixed. Sister is now saying that she's had a good talking to at mum and told her she will not be allowed to give up and that she'll be pushed to get mobile. Now hang on, yesterday she was at death's door, now my sister is talking as if she's gonna be running marathons by the weekend?

 

So to deal in facts, the facts are that my sister is tired, she's the one on scene and she does love a bit of drama. Mum has pulmonary oedema and is in hospital receiving treatment.

 

What I don't know is what the hospital themselves have to say. That I might find out tomorrow. tread carefully, don't want to upset the apple cart, but my sister's messages are so up and down I really don't know what to believe.

 

Hmmm.

Oh...and prayers for your mom, the rest of your family, and you as well.

bikerbill wrote:

---

Hmmm... stepchild... being from Yorkshire and being a bloke, it's always best to be direct with me. Sure I've read this part of the book in my several readings of it, but I'm not quite sure of your point and which part of my post it is relevant to. Could you be a lot more blunt and direct about it?

---

Sure. You posted this...

But a problem. Can you do the right thing for the wrong reason? I want to tell my son and daughter that their grannie's is seriously ill and maybe she's checking out, but i'd wait until I've seen her on Monday. The real reason is that I hope my son might talk to me.

I saw the answer in that.

 

Hey Bill....(love that name as it is my Dad's name)...
I just wanted to say that if it were me, I would want the grandkids to be aware of what is going on. My daughter doesn't have anything to do with me so I understand where you are coming from about that. You are obviously very close to your mom and concerned about her, as you are concerned about your son. Isn't it possible to have two motives and both of them are good ones?
Just a thought and just my opinion.

Hi Bill,

Very sorry to hear your mom isn't doing well now.  You're right, though, there isn't anything you can do, other than be of help to her and other family members.  As for your children, I think any reason is a good reason to bring family together.  Blessings, Mike D.

Amen BTY.....I'm learning that when I leave it to God....I always get the right answer. May not be the one I like. But always the right answer.

My prayers are with you too BB, ... and I think your kids deserve to know the condition of their Grandma, regardless of ulterior motives ... real or imagined ...

I thought I'd posted this morning, probably forgot to press the button.

Anyhow, mum is on the last lap of the race.... she's comfortable, calm and relaxed about it. The medicos over here don't seem to want to do more than hint.... mum is on high oxygen and has pneumonia, the high dose oxygen is what's keeping her alive. She is having high dose antibiotics and the doctor has said that as she is in full possession of her faculties, i.e. she can make her own decisions, they will continue to treat her as long as she agrees.

She has lost about half her bodyweight and is not mobile.

I saw her yesterday and I believe we said goodbye to each other. I told her I love you, she told me she loves me. She also told me she doesn't want ANY of her grandchildren to see her like this, so I have had that message passed on.

My brother was in tears my sister is in denial, but I spoke to the staff nurse who gave me chapter and verse. The doctor later gave me a fill history in front of my sister. I think her hearing it all in one go, she has started to accept it. My sister has been filtering information to each of us, out of her fear or worry for how we might react (me, drink, one brother go into a rage, other brother has health problems), all good reasons to her.

She cried on my shoulder and explained all this and said she's still be preparing for mum to come home, because that's what she needs to do for herself. Mum has told the doctors she won't go home until or unless all the medical issues are resolved. She's now got a Dicky ticker.

The full catalogue? Broken leg, half hip replacement, bowel bleed, severe anaemia, bladder infection, fluid on the lungs, collapsed and deflated lung, small clot on the lung, pneumonia both lungs. Her body cannot keep pace with the demands placed on it.

My dad died in 2000. He loved his fishing, mum said that he'll be fishing now and probably won't be back until Tuesday or Wednesday. I think she believes he's turning the bed down for her.

I spoke to my brother Ronnie, who wasn't there, he's going down tomorrow. I think that mum will relax into it after Ronnie has been. I believe she's ticking the boxes off. She's so calm. Not distressed at all and I believe she knows she's running her last race. Forty years as a nurse, she knows her stuff.

I'm no medico, I'm just her son and a brother to my brothers and sisters. I can forgive my sister's errors because they're honest mistakes made out of her concern and need to control others emotions, let's leave it at that. Unlike my sister and my two brother's I have a worldwide fellowship of people who know where I'm coming from to support me, by saying or doing through honesty.

You guys are part of my support network, along with all the guys in my home group, everyone else in my local groups, the people in the other meetings I go to, the ones I haven't met yet.

Big John and his dog, my sponsor.... yes I still got one, Lenny who offered to drive me about, big John's mum, my ex gf, my co workers, the people I manage, then there's others, the woman in the bank who helped me get some cash after my cash card was eaten by the cash dispenser, the people I meet who just treat me like nothing's wrong.

The guys in my second home group in north Yorkshire, I know they'll be there for me, victor, jerry, Jeff, Liz and Helen.

Big Brenda, Davey the cake, baker John, mad magi, quiet Mary, gambler Audrey, first mate Tony, graham the barber, young callum, stuttering Cameron, Skye Willie, windows Willie, auld Willie, skinny Willie, beefcake Billy, fast Graeme, big Jim, bobby, goalie Tommy, rigger mick, old Morag, Jackie, shuggie

I'm rambling now I know. It's just me and the dog. Meeting soon though.

I'm not wishing Mum's life away, but I hope she goes off to meet dad sooner rather than later, they'll both stride out together, she's waited fourteen long years. I don't know if I believe what I've written, maybe it's just the blackness but hey, just in case...