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Post Info TOPIC: sobriety and no sex drive


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sobriety and no sex drive
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is anyone dealing with this issue? I am 7 months sober and have like zero interest???



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MIP Old Timer

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Oh Boy, ... I gotta go smoke a cig on this ... back in a few!!!

Oh yeah, Welcome to MIP Sharky ... glad to have you ...

 

Pappy



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MIP Old Timer

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Changes Sharkey...sobriety is gonna eat up some time and since alcoholism has messed with every organ and cell in your body expect some confusion while getting sober and also as your thinking starts to change so will your perceptions about things...like sex.  Mine did...cause once I learned how to become respectful, considerate and loving that screwed my sexing up...hmmmm almost a literal explanation.   Keep coming back...((((hugs)))) smile



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There is nothing wrong with a decreased sex drive for a bit. Some sober living, exercise, and mental housecleaning takes full attention.

If it does not come back in a while, a physical would be in order.



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Hi Sharky, ...

Nothing is so important as staying sober right now, staying sober must be our number one priority or else the rest of what lives we live get screwed up real bad, no pun intended ... LOL ... I don't know how it affects women here, but I know my experience as a man was pretty dramatic ... I'll try to dance around this gingerly ... and I do think age and our past drinking history come into play here ...

For the way I drank, it's a lot like Jerry said, alcohol had poisoned every organ in my body, and for so long, that it took nearly a year for me to even consider getting sexually active once again ... much of it had to do with my mind, my thinking ... when your brain is learning how to function again, it will be flooded with a million thoughts a minute, so much so that to concentrate on any one thing was nearly impossible for me ... for a long time ... but after working the steps, and learning to live the program of AA, my 'sanity' slowly began to return and like Jerry said also, then my whole frame of mind was in trying to please my partner as well as me ... before, I was only interested in my pleasure ...

Try not to make a big deal out of this, it's normal to have these problems ... once you've been in the program for a while, these little problems will fix themselves ... remember the promises ... 'Sometimes Quickly and sometimes Slowly' ... they will always materialize if we work for them ...

Glad you're here ... Keep coming back ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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what pappy said. 7 months in I think ya got bigger fish to fry. since ya ask this, im gonna guess yer not on step 4 yet. get into action with a sponsor.

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MIP Old Timer

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A blessing in disguise if you ask me. Could save you a lot of early sobriety drama.

What you are talking about could also be a medical matter, so I would suggest seeing your doctor if it is a real concern.

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Instead of lauding the lack,

Let me point out a plus...

In a roundabout way.

 

I've been married for half my life now.  Yes most days I don't have that ying pulling my yen.  My lessons in recovery help to find the focus that previously went with alcohol and its associates and reapply that focus on something healthier.  What do I mean by that 'focus'?  The drug is a magic elixir that makes me sexy, manly, handsome, the hottest guy around...etc...  of course I associated sex with it.  But, all the associations aside, I didn't really get anymore.  The focus was on the magic and the elixir. 

Without the magic or elixir my focus is on the sex, or lack thereof.  Now wait a minute...  that ain't right.  We are here to improve our lives.  Just because I'm improving my life this second by focusing on my recovery instead of sex...  doesn't mean I am really lacking a sex drive.  When I was stressed out from working 74hrs a week and drinking every night to go to sleep to get up 6hrs later and do it all over again, I had the will but not the way.  My body responded to my predicament with the work/stress/alcohol. 

After changing my life with a sane 40hr a week job, cutting back on alcohol (and eventual sobriety) and removing the stress, my body healed that part of itself.  Now what is left is the mental game. 

Sex Drive is in the brain.  Not in the bottle.  Sure hormones get blamed...  but (we are all adults in here right?) when I spend time with my partner, sharing pleasure, IT is something I enjoy all the way.  When my thinking is stifled or elsewhere, nothing happens.  In order to do it, I have to focus on it. 

So...the question is, is your thinking preoccupied?  do you have a other stuff going on that is removing that desire because you are too tired? too stressed? have too much to do? If YES?  Thats Great.  It answers the question about a sex drive.  If NO?  Thats Great.  In answers the questions about a sex drive.  (there are no right or wrong answers in life).  What else is happening for you?  Right now? 

7 months Sober?  That is something to proud of.  Having someone to share it with is also something to be proud of.  Sharing it in a healthy way will be something to be proud of as well. 

Ultimately my pleasure comes from the people around me, not just sex, and not just a bottle.  When I change my focus to the things that I enjoy doing with others, I am a healthier person.  When my focus is no longer on my own pleasure, thats when I get the most pleasure...  go figure...  sounds like something a Monk in Tibet would say.

find those things that give you pleasure and share them...  then let them grow into something more in your life, cause alcohol is no longer the fix it was.

Peace,

Craig



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MIP Old Timer

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Wow. That's a first, as I have always heard that it is just the opposite and that alcohol interferes with the hmm, errr, "s" word. I am a woman and really the only thing interfering with mine right now is being in a trusting relationship. Without that, I can do without the "s" in my life for awhile and focus my time and energy on staying sober. Great advice from the male species on here.

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The more you drive it - the more drive you have. That's just a little fact I keep in mind so I am responsible about it - since I have no medical conditions holding me back, I keep in mind that the shaft might clunck out if I don't rev up often enough. Best to keep things oiled up and used often ;) At least that's what the mechanic in the house tells me hehe


OH boy - I've been living with a mechanic for too long yikes!

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MIP Old Timer

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It happens - it's not the end of the world - it comes back - then the fun starts! Give your body and your mind and emotions time to recover - if after say a year there still no urge, get professional help.

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Hey Sharky, it's good to have you with us.  Okay, I'll now address your question about sex drive at the beginning-stages of sobriety -- even though you've already gotten a lot of good input from the folks on this board.  Actually, it's been great input.  Anyway, I'll try to keep it simple here.  If you aren't aware of it yet, you're going to find out that alcoholism is a fatal disease that has a horrible impact on the mind, body, and spirit.  Your body, just like your mind and spirit, needs a chance to fully heal.  I think your low sex drive is your body's way of telling you that this is a time to focus your attention on doing those things that will give you full healing and recovery -- the actions which will make you whole again.  Above all, don't worry.  You'll eventually be a new man with a new life.  That's my experience.  Blessings, Mike D.



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I think Sharky is a 'her', not a 'him', Mike, ... the advice is good though just the same!!! ... ... ... 



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MIP Old Timer

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Pythonpappy wrote:

I think Sharky is a 'her', not a 'him', Mike, ... the advice is good though just the same!!! ... ... ... 


 I too assumed that Sharky is a man for some reason. Think when I hear of "sharks" and "sex" together, I think of men. (Sorry guys, a character flaw I will try to work on.)



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betterthanyesterday52 wrote:
Pythonpappy wrote:

I think Sharky is a 'her', not a 'him', Mike, ... the advice is good though just the same!!! ... ... ... 


 I too assumed that Sharky is a man for some reason. Think when I hear of "sharks" and "sex" together, I think of men. (Sorry guys, a character flaw I will try to work on.)


 LMAO ... ... ... thank you for getting my day started with a chuckle !!!



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MIP Old Timer

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I am so glad you took my remark as a joke, which is the way I meant it, Pappy. I worried after I posted it that I might offend some. But then, I have to always have something to worry about :)

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MIP Old Timer

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You're starting to sound like my wife there BTY, LOL ... she'd be lost without something to worry about ... since working the steps and having 'nothing' to worry about myself, she drives me frick'n nuts sometimes ... she will worry herself sick over nothing sometimes ... and you know, that really ain't very funny ... I can't get her to Al-Anon and I can't give her my program, so I just have to let God deal with it ... it's all I know to do !!! ...



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MIP Old Timer

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Pythonpappy wrote:

You're starting to sound like my wife there BTY, LOL ... she'd be lost without something to worry about ... since working the steps and having 'nothing' to worry about myself, she drives me frick'n nuts sometimes ... she will worry herself sick over nothing sometimes ... and you know, that really ain't very funny ... I can't get her to Al-Anon and I can't give her my program, so I just have to let God deal with it ... it's all I know to do !!! ...


 I just cannot imagine myself reaching that point where I have "nothing" to worry about, but look forward to that day. Miracles happen.  And I need to be like you, and let God deal with things I cannot control. That's why I love love love the Serenity Prayer.



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MIP Old Timer

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Excellent observation BTY ... ... ... I said the 'Serenity Prayer' probably 20/30 times a day my first 2 years ... ... ... it's easy to forget that, but that WAS crucial to my recovery ... ... ...

 

My wife is sometimes envious of my 'peace and serenity' ... she tries her best sometimes to drag me into her worrying game, and I don't even bite ... I know where it leads to ... LOL ... I have enough 'faith' in my higher power to know who's in charge here, and it for sure ain't me ... it does bother me that she worries about things to the point it can, and does, make her physically sick sometimes ... after 40 years of marriage (July of this year), thanks to the Lord, I can't help but be concerned, .... but alas, that is again, something I cannot change ... it is something I've come to accept ... ... ...

Hey BTY, ... try thinking "I'm concerned of such 'n such" ... Not "I worry about so 'n so" ... ... ...  Worrying will Not solve a thing ... that only accomplishes making you feel bad and helpless AND it can be physically damaging to your health ... the old slogan "Think, Think, Think" ... well, don't 'overthink it' ... ... ... ... I have personal experience with that ... ... ... and it ain't pretty ... ... ... 

 



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'

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