Hello AA message board, I am a normal poster on the Alanon boards but thought I would jump over to get your insight.
My husband is an alcoholic/addict, he is currently in the thros of his alcholosim. This has been a problem since our marriage (8 years ago). He drinks in secret, lately when he is drinking he has violent outbursts. He does not (or should I say has not) hurt me, but the rages seem to be getting worse. He is depressed a lot and has terrible anxiety. Do any of you have experience going on prescription drugs like Paxil and found any relief? I am giving our relationship one last go as the rages are getting too scary and he is going to see a new doctor to see if they can help him. He goes to AA sporadically but has trouble with going due to his anxiety and introversion. Am a bit lost, looking for any advice you may have. Thank you.
Drinking alcohol causes people to become more depressed. If your hubby is having a problem with depression, the best solution is to stop drinking.
When his doctor asks him if he drinks ... well I can tell you what I told MY doctor when I was having medical problems partially caused by my drinking;
"I have a couple beers, so what?"
Couple dozen was closer to the truth.
I'd suggest he go to A.A. meeting every day when he's really ready to stop. And continue doing so for at least 90 days.
Hi Surfgirl, my guess is that, deep down, he knows that this marriage is going to end and that is a big part of the cause for anxiety. In Acoa, we call it "Perpetuating our own abandonment". In AA you might call it self inflicted impending doom. Been there done that. It's likely that he won't get serious about getting sober unless there is consequences (before). I'd be packing my bags and letting him now he has once more chance (or not), and telling him to call when he has 6 months of continuous sobriety. Good luck and please look after you safety.
Good reach SG...anger and rage also is part and parcel of the disease. No one likes to be out of control of themself and for the alcoholic that is a given as the chemical takes our control away while we "fight" to maintain it. It is very frustrating and you will find frustration very closely related in rage.
Do what you have to do to protect yourself...You don't have to wait until he goes "hands on". The fact that his rages are causing you fear is enough to call in the help.
I wouldn't expect any meds to work much until he gets off the booze, I think that is the general consenses regarding alcoholics and meds. If he can get sober for a couple months and he still has depression/anxiety then maybe address.
I think Dean"s suggestion will probably help the most.
Peace, Rob
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Rob
"There ain't no Coupe DeVille hiding in the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box."
Thank you all for the replies. Your insight is truly helpful and I think I understand what everyone is telling me, nothing changes if nothing changes has to start with me. God bless you all. sg
Surfgirl there is hope for even the most desperate of us, but it seems that we have to be alone in a pit of despair for our authentic self to accept the hand of our higher power. Unfortunately the loved one closest to the alcoholic provides a target for him to blame all of his short comings on. When there is no one left to blame, the reality sets in pretty quickly.
Paxil can be very dangerous too, especially if you're young... make sure you guys take the warnings about adverse effects seriously, as they are quite common, and watch for them too. Especially if you're under 25. Good luck!
ummmm... not trying to scare you, but I was prescribed it back when I was about 21 (I think somewhat carelessly by my doctor at the time). I found a suicide victim (no head) and developed post traumatic stress disorder. I was a very happy go lucky person up until that point. But after a few months on it, I started feeling suicidal myself! NOT LIKE ME! Even in the midst of PTSD I knew that these thoughts were not my own. Got off the paxil, which in itself was really sucky. I don't think I ever needed it, I just needed to process what happened... not medicate it. Well needless to say, I did self medicate after that up until just recently - but that's another story : ) Having anxiety (over nightmares and having to go to sleep every night with them) and depression, that was basically circumstantial, and not biological, were not a good mix with drugs or alcohol. I am guessing if your husband stops drinking, starts taking care of himself, and you better, he will feel better. I don't know though - I just hope the best for you! It was only years later that I started seeing commercials for suicidal thoughts while on anti-depressants/anxiety meds. The stuff was pretty new I think when I took it. For me, it was waaaaay worse than anything! Funny though, how I knew enough to get off the stuff after only a short time, but never the alcohol for another 11 yrs! Bleck - what a waste of life : (
I drank UNTIL I became introverted and had panic attacks. He will never know how much of his "introversion and anxiety" are due to alcoholism vs. legit mental health problems until he gets sober for a good while. At first the anxiety may seem worse, but then it gets MUCH better in sobriety. Most folks find out they don't need meds if they really dedicate themselves to AA. Some still do have issues they need meds for (I take meds for depression)....They never worked right AND I had panic attacks and started isolating when drinking too. I now have gone more back to the "old me" which was more extraverted and I don't have anxiety issues anywhere close to what I did. I have not have a panic attack since I have been sober so I know that was highly exacerbated by alchohol.
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I can only look at this through the lens of my own experiences and tell you that I was both angry and depressed all of the time. I didn't know why, and I doubt I would have listened if I was told, but everything pissed me off and the smallest, most stupid things would send me into a rage.
It's gone now. I didn't consciously push it away. I just woke up one day and realised that I hadn't been angry or depressed for a long, long time. I've had people remark how laid back I am. Some of these are new acquaintances and others are family and friends that have known me all my life.
It was self loathing that caused it I believe. That and the alcohol changing my brain chemistry. It's not just abstinence that put me where I am as the step work has definitely helped me find a piece of mind that I didn't know was possible. I feel just sobriety without the steps would still leave me feeling dis-at-eased but it still would have been better than my self medicating that I believe cause all of my problems.
This isn't advice in any way and I think a professional should be contacted, but it's maybe some food for thought.
