"I know that I have a serious problem" "I am so tired of feeling guilty and ashamed" I can so relate to what you are saying, and you will find many others in AA who can as well. Step One of AA's 12 Steps is that we admit we are powerless over alcohol, that our lives have become unmangable. Sounds to me like you are there. You do not have to drink if you don't want to, but I can tell you from experience, if you try to stop on your own will power, if you try to do it alone , you will drink again. I have been going to meetings for a few months and thought I was "getting it" and doing pretty good, then just last week, a few days shy of 5 months, I got loaded. Why??? Because I hadn't truly admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic. I didn't reach out and grab the hands that were extended to me. I tried to do it alone. It didn't work. I am back on the path again, and I pray that this time I can accept the facts, and I am definitely not trying to do it alone, because I cannot. Google AA in your area, find a meeting. Go. Just commit to one meeting. You can call the hotline and ask for someone to meet you there or come get you and take you if you don't want to go alone. When we ask for help, we get to help another person stay sober another day. It's a win - win situation. Sounds like you have nothing much left to loose, and there is so much to gain. Good luck and Peace.

Hi, CM. Welcome to "MIP"...

I hear your cries and feel your pain. My past was riddled with the same unpleasantness, the stench of alcohol in its most humiliating form. There is a certain stigma that attaches itself to our frail underbellies as it preys on our vulnerabilities like vultures circling their next meal. My disease wants nothing more than to tear a couple more holes in my safety net, as I plummet further down into the pit of despair. The only way to climb out of this deep hole called disillusionment is to inch my way forward one step at a time. 

The adversity we need to overcome can be our victory lap minus the drama. We should inch forward in small yet decisive ways, not lingering around in our own misery for way to long. We must fight the good fight and keep our aim high, parting ways with our old selves by starting anew. We must carry forth a decree to renew our resolve and stimulate our sobriety. We must climb aboard the good ship called hope, and set course for a brand new adventure beyond the stained clad clouds of our alcoholic past. I pray for those people who haven't experienced life as it is meant to be in sobriety just yet, with the hope that they will, here and now -one day at a time.

~God bless~

-- Edited by Mr_David on Tuesday 28th of June 2011 01:03:56 AM

Medical attention will help with detox if you are a daily drinker. As a trained therapist, I can say that cognitive and behavior therapy will not help as much as a full surrender and a working the program of AA as it was devised.  Sobriety really starts with surrender and has nothing to do with determination and "Wanting to break free."  All of us who have attained some measure of lasting sobriety know that it is because we admitted we were powerless over alcohol.  We raised the white flag so to speak and along with that comes a freedom to stop having to "experiment," do it different, to cut down, to control.  That is a good place to start (step 1).

A "caring nurse" would recommend you to AA and not to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on therapy alone which is not real recovery. Also, nurses are not qualified to make statements about the efficacy of therapy and/or medical treatment having neither been trained as a doctor or a therapist.

So, I would suggest going to an AA meeting and talking to your doctor about drinking and if you need a detox due to the medical risks of drinking so much. It sounds like you are an alcoholic who could very much benefit from AA and not some sick freak that should be railroaded into an institution with therapy that isn't necessarilly aimed at or going help you alcoholism (but will definitely drain your wallet).  Yes, regular alcohol intake can and does negatively affect your brain.  To have serious and irreversible brain damage, you would have to be drinking so much that you had a vitamin B deficiency (Wernicke's Syndrome) and that is quite rare.  Some more subtle forms of brain dysfunction may linger for a while and you can look up information on Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. 

Speaking for myself, I had been in therapy, have had extensive training as a cognitive and behavioral therapist and NOTHING was able to help me build lasting sobriety until I finally went to AA. It has changed my life.

Don't get me wrong....therapy may help you, but the program of AA is really what I view as most helpful.  You may not have asked for all this info but I did not want you to think you are brain damaged now and need to rush off to the doctor or therapist right away.  Go to a meeting please and reach out for help there.  It is not as complicated as it seems.  1 step at a time.

 

Mark

-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 28th of June 2011 12:40:49 PM

-- Edited by pinkchip on Tuesday 28th of June 2011 12:51:05 PM

Thank you all so much for your advice. Let me clarify, that I am a functioning alcoholic. I have been drinking pretty hard for about 13 years now. Used to smoke a lot of marijuana years ago. I can go a day or two without drinking, sometimes a month or two...even went a year one time after I had an "eye/heart opening" night. It took one sad night for me to throw my sobriety out the window. I promised myself that I was just going to have one night of my comforting, numbing drunkeness, which turned out to be 3 and half years now.

I've never been to AA, but I am going to look into meetings that are maybe out of town. I am really not ready to open up to anyone I know about my problem, but I do want to deal with it. Are there meetings specifically for people that are not court ordered or meetings just for women??

 

 

Aloha CM...I read your last post and then went back up to your first one so that I can clarify your use of "functioning alcoholic".  I quit because I related too much to both of your statements.  For me I didn't know anything about alcoholism and didn't know that I didn't know so I thought it "was their problem" and not mine.  I did alot of drinking...mostly the hard stuff tho I had a special brand of beer that made my ego twinkle also.  Functioning?  I thought I was however turning around and asking the masses behind me what they thought would have brought a different answer and discription.  I am a chemically tolerant human being...meaning I can consume alot and not appear drunk and then I could be in a blackout and appear not drunk either.  I had jobs, drove vehicles, flew airplanes, drove powerboats, did all kinds of stuff when I was drinking but because I wasn't all there I had to admit I wasn't fully functioning (after I got into recovery...not before).  One of my functions that went away quickly when I started to drink was living my value system. I was totally not functional on that level and so I could also admit "Ughh...I've done something so disgusting and horrible and barely remember it.  I just have flashes in my mind like snapshots of the memories."

Welcome to the MIP board...if you want this to be your bottom there is lots of help here to support you and show you to the steps on how to climb up and out sober.

All of the high functioning alcoholics I know of today and active fellows in AA...I get to check them out and learn from them almost on a daily basis.   I suggest what JJ just suggested about looking for the AA phone number in the white pages of your local telephone book and call.  The gals and professionals in my town have their own meetings and then I wouldn't let that stop me today versus hospitals, jails and institutions or the morgue.   Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))