I have posted here only a couple of times, so I'll give just a bit of my story. I am Kelley, a 51 y/o alcoholic/addict, married 26yrs, mother of two. My daughter is 25, on her own and holding her own, for lack better words @ 6:15am. My son is 18, autistic, and basically forever a 4 year old, regardless of his age. In some ways, he is younger, some a bit older. So how is it that I can have a resentment against him???? Wait, hold up. That's not what I shared. I shared that I had a resentment against my spouse for not helping me as much as I think he should. I shared that I used alcohol and drugs as a means of trying to cope. So why did you tell me to hold up after the meeting, that you wanted to talk to me about my share ? And then tell me that its ok to have a resentment and anger towards my disabled son, but that I am never going to get better if I don't learn how to let it go? Miriam Webster defines resentment as a feeling of indignant displeasure or ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult or injury. WOW!!! So I do have a resentment, not necessarily at my son per se, but defintely against the fact that he has a disability. That he struggles daily, as do I, as a result of his disabilty. That my life is harder, I get less sleep, I will always be a caregiver and/or advocate for him, that I am angry that this happened to my kid. That I am angry at myself for being angry. That is the miracle they talk about, I guess. The fact that someone who I barely know was able to hear what I didn't even say and then tell me it is ok to feel as I do, but I need to learn to let it go. Now I need help to learn how. One of the reasons why i posted, to get some feedback here. Time to wake my kiddo up, get him on the bus. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. Peace.
I just wanted to add that while it was pointed out to me what I said without saying it, I was also reminded to look at the blessings in my life, and in and of my son's life, as there are many. It is always easier to identify the struggles in my addicted mind. Today I will strive to look for the blessings in my life, rather than the struggles.
-- Edited by nezyb on Tuesday 19th of April 2011 09:23:52 AM
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
hi Kelly, you are doing great to let that lesson touch your heart and for you to share it with us. Thank you.
We have so little control over what happens, the only control we have are how we react to what happens to us. You are the Mom of a precious young man. he has a mind, heart, and soul and like all humans, each of us have different limitations and strengths. learning to live each day to the fullest is our mission, to be the best "me" we can be.
The steps suggest that we learn to change what we can change (and that means changing ourselves, not others) and accepting those things we cannot change (which is others and their behaviors).
Letting go of anger and disappointment takes practice. just like a child, hopefully, learns about letting go of being told "no" when they don't get their way. we get the chance to learn to let go of the emotions that can damage our sobriety. we learn to think, not react in a negative way, vent, then thank our Higher Power for the chance to grow from the experience. Changing the way we look at difficulties in our life makes all the difference.
looking up and out instead of at "poor me" gets me out of my own way and i can step over the poop i used to roll in. the steps really help me retrain my thinking.
Hi (((((( Kelly))))). Hello and welcome, thanks for sharing.
Please forgive me, I cant find what I want to post ... its a really neat definition of resentment. An Old Timer in AA gave it to me when I first started coming around.
I will continue to search for it, and will be back here to post it for you, and for others.
Im wondering Kelly, do you have a sponsor, are you working the steps, praying, etc, etc. ???
Thank you JJ and happycamper for your thoughts. Funny how life can put things in perspective for you sometimes. I have been going to meetings daily, working on 90 in 90, as I am quite new to recovery. There has been a young girl there daily as well. I knew her name, had said Hello to her but she didn't share and I have really never spoken to her. I knew she was young, but last night I spoke to her a little. She is sixteen!! Sixteen and she has been in and out of recovery since 13. Thinking about that afterwards, it made me realize how manageable my life is regarding my son and his needs. I have no worries nor will I ever suffer the helplessness or hopelessness of him being in active addiction from alcohol or drugs. Living life on lifes terms. Something I am trying to learn how to do. I have been reading the Big Book (should I say looking at it), now am actually reading it, and had asked someone to be my sponsor. I was talking to her daily, and she was supportive, but she and I were both busy and I never worked any steps with her. Now I cannot seem to reach her. I have asked another woman to sponsor me and she said yes, so I will be beginning my steps with her. As for praying, I am trying to learn how to do that, to turn my will and my life over. So far the Serenity Prayer and grateful thanks in am and pm are what I am doing. Thank you & Peace.
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I asked God for all things that I may enjoy life. He gave me life so that I may enjoy all things.
Thank you JJ and happycamper for your thoughts. Funny how life can put things in perspective for you sometimes. I have been going to meetings daily, working on 90 in 90, as I am quite new to recovery. There has been a young girl there daily as well. I knew her name, had said Hello to her but she didn't share and I have really never spoken to her. I knew she was young, but last night I spoke to her a little. She is sixteen!! Sixteen and she has been in and out of recovery since 13. Thinking about that afterwards, it made me realize how manageable my life is regarding my son and his needs. I have no worries nor will I ever suffer the helplessness or hopelessness of him being in active addiction from alcohol or drugs. Living life on lifes terms. Something I am trying to learn how to do. I have been reading the Big Book (should I say looking at it), now am actually reading it, and had asked someone to be my sponsor. I was talking to her daily, and she was supportive, but she and I were both busy and I never worked any steps with her. Now I cannot seem to reach her. I have asked another woman to sponsor me and she said yes, so I will be beginning my steps with her. As for praying, I am trying to learn how to do that, to turn my will and my life over. So far the Serenity Prayer and grateful thanks in am and pm are what I am doing. Thank you & Peace.
Kelly . Welcome my name is Bill I am a recovered alcoholic. I never bought into the solution which is a God of my understanding , until I. Knew what my problem was . My disease never cared what the circumstances were . Who got hurt or how many times I told myself I would not drink . And I got drunk no matter what. I have a spiritual malady that this grave in nature. I was dieing of untreated alcoholism. I tried every thing to quit drinking and I got drunk . I finally asked for help and I. With the help of a sponsor who with the big book took me thru this solution and I learned to live with all my resentments . Iwas shown how to look at my own life .and take my inventory. I do not have to drink today ever again. The mental obsession has been removed. I learn how to live sober and pretty happy most of the time this works .
