Disclaimer: This is not my writing but it is interesting and as an Alcoholic I can identify with it.
Larry, -------------------
The Alcoholic And Resentment
The alcoholic has a vault-like memory for every injustice they feel they've suffered and they will harbor a great deal of resentment toward a lot of things and a lot of people. It's not uncommon in treatment sessions to hear them talk about people or situations from twenty or thirty years in the past that they still feel resentment over. In a good treatment program, uncovering and resolving resentment from the past should be a major area of focus. Once you listen to enough alcoholics and addicts describe their past, it's not hard to understand why they grew up holding such incredible resentment, and why they sought to medicate those feelings with alcohol and drugs. As they say, resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
There is a mechanism, in the alcoholics mind, that links all of these incidents together in the synapses of the brain, so that once the alcoholic feels victimized, in a current situation, it triggers many memories of past "injustices". This unresolved baggage is the fuel that ignites the alcoholic and causes the strong desire to medicate. Even after some years sober and much work on this very thing, I can still find myself automatically counting my resentments when triggered by present unsatisfactory outcome. Accepting life on life's terms and filing this incidents under "It is what it is" or "you can't win them all" will bring resolution to them and keep them from becoming baggage.
What's amazing is how attached most of are to these resentments. Like they are letters of credit, or purple heart medals or something. Getting an alcoholic to Let Go of these resentments is like trying to get a pack rat to get rid of some of his junk.
The alcoholic has a vault-like memory for every injustice they feel they've suffered
I totally agree! I may 'deal' with my resentments but sometimes given a trigger (or invariably in an argument!) they will re- surface like sea to air missiles with incredible power - shocking me too!
Yes, I can relate. Much better now, but still have times where someone will trigger a resentment and many of the past injustices will come to the forefront from every angle.
(Ex. my wife) she pisses me off, on occasion the captain will call all hands on deck and start sending in the cadets with injustices from the past. It's automatic. It's like my mind tries to build a case against her to support my resentment. Like this is a good one let's add to it and make it bigger.
I'm glad I can see it for what it is today and laugh at it knowing I'm in the wrong by doing this. Thank god and the program of AA for the understanding.
It's true, my memory for injustice is unparalleled, and this is from a guy that can quote thousands and thousands of books verbatim, some read 30-35 years ago
it's awful
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
It's true, my memory for injustice is unparalleled, and this is from a guy that can quote thousands and thousands of books verbatim, some read 30-35 years ago
it's awful
Andrew,
We are so alike in our thinking.
There goes my thinking I am unique right out the window and you are to blame. (LOL)
Larry, -------------- Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." -- C. S. Lewis
It's true, my memory for injustice is unparalleled, and this is from a guy that can quote thousands and thousands of books verbatim, some read 30-35 years ago
it's awful
Andrew,
We are so alike in our thinking.
There goes my thinking I am unique right out the window and you are to blame. (LOL)
Larry, -------------- Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." -- C. S. Lewis
Funny, that made me laugh
then it made me start thinking about the whole "unique" thing we have going on, billions of people all running around, thinking "I am a unique and beautiful snowflake" and thinking to myself after some years in AA, "I am finally just like all of you....and that makes me....unique"
You ever heard your story? like spot on?
I did.....although I was an alcoholic, I was a special alcoholic, and although the rules applied, for me, there was a bend in the space time continuum because I really was special, even as an alcoholic in AA...
So I was at this Mens Stag on Birthday night, maybe 10 years into the deal, and "toofless Shane" got up to share, he was below average in looks, talent, and never had a car, and if he got a double wide he was living above his means, he was missing half his teeth and had no game but with another ten years of sobriety, maybe some dental work, and a decent haircut he could aspire to white trash status (these are all my judgments right?)
He opens his mouth and I come out, all my arrogance and stupidity, all my pride and specialness, literally verbatim, I'm sitting there reeling except I am thinking to myself he has no reason to feel this vast superiority and pride, this vast uniqueness, these special feelings of entitlement, all the things I deserved because of my special talents, wit, IQ, rugged good looks and raw sex appeal....
Messed me up for weeks and changed who I was and how I viewed myself, I had been completely unaware I had been secretly carrying around this vast ego, this pride filled ballon, this secret great opinion of myself and the overwhelming double standard, literally unaware until I heard it come out of someone else's mouth.....and the truth was, I was just as entitled as him to have this vast great opinion of myself....
which was zero, divided by 2
unique....ignorance is bliss, but if that's true, why aren't I happier, I keep getting stupider.....
__________________
Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
