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Post Info TOPIC: Who are you when you black out?


Newbie

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Who are you when you black out?
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How do you explain to others/yourself who you become when you've blacked out?  Do you feel as if you become an entirely different person, or that you are acting out feelings you normally keep pent up inside?  Apparently when I was drinking, I told my friend that I loved her romantically, but I have no memory of it.  I don't know how to apologize/make amends because I don't understand it.  When I was drunk, was I lying to "get some," or showing her feelings that I couldn't when I was sober?  I feel like I should know the answer to this question, but I don't.  Has anyone else had a similar experience?  How did you think about it/explain it?

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AGO


MIP Old Timer

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I have no clue, and it was frightening

The car was in the driveway in the morning after the party......

who drove home?

wasn't me

When my girlfriend batted her baby blues at me in the morning and told me last night was the best in her life...

and I asked myself

who was driving

wasn't me

Blackouts are scary

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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life


MIP Old Timer

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Welcome Wave off the coast! Glad you found our family.Blackouts are technically known as alcohol related amnesia.Long term memory creation is impaired,complete inability to recall past. The effects says it is similar to something called"anterogrande amnesia.It is said it is most likely caused by "rapid blood alcohol concentration.Makes sense to me cause I have remembered drinking as much and not blacking out  and other times blacking out,no memory,couldn't remember anything just that sick feeling in my stomach that something wasn't right.There are a couple types  of blackouts "EN BLOC ,inability to later recall and Fragmentary,some memory or more when later reminded.Those who do blackout usually have more of a disposition to it.Also a misconception that only alcoholics blackout,studies have determined social drinkers also experience this scenario.I ripped the side off of my car one night and woke next day not remembering anything but a loud screeching noise that was in my head,was wreaking from alcohol.Cops showed up at my door and questioned me on a  hit and run scenario that they had no witnesses and couldn't prove,They had towed my car off the street and put in impound,I told them my car was stolen etc, The screeching noise was the bumper smashed in against the wheel.I had totalled another parked vehicle.Beat the deal but didnt stop me drinking and drugging...During my 25 year run of alcoholism and drug addiction I had many blckouts of the "en bloc type.Only God saved me from killing someone or myself..This  is serious and you will need to address the issue quickly.I pray you are seeking AA, and reaching out for sobriety through the program and the steps,spiritual principles that can bring you to a new way of life.It is only God who keeps us form our own deaths or others in these very serious states.Hope to hear back from you saying you made your first meeting,are taking suggestions and not ever being concerned of a blackout again.You never have to pick up that first drink. again.Let us know how its going,Didnt mean to be so wordy but this strikes home to my life living for 25 years and not knowing what happend for a lot of them.We are here for each other,this illness ain't no joke!!

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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.


MIP Old Timer

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Hi Wave off the Coast,

Interesting, I am on the California Coast line, but looked and you did not state, what state you live in.

Anyway on the subject of Blackout, my own experience was that it came sort of at the end of my drinking career, I had finally given up on myself, as to the AA Program, thought I had proven to myself I was never going  to make it....and then most of the drinking I did was very heavy 24/7 drinking, blacking out almost everyday, twice a day, drank til 2 or 3, and rather than napping I was really blacking out, and mostly in a sleeping mode, and then would wake up and repeat the process and go to bed.

But prior to that I had many experiences of blacking out, and MikeF qualified them into two groups, I recall them as a complete loss of all inhabitions, dont want to go into the rather endless embarrassing and sometime humiliating things that others would tell me I did,

But just like MikeF wrote, I hope you will see this is a big wake up call, and get yourself into the AA program, just as soon as you can......very seious stuff, could not agree more.....and we do change and things slowly change without the use of Alcohol daily in our lives, and we begin to live a pretty good life, but there is work to be done.....Finding someone to Sponsor you and see to it that you work the 12 Steps of the AA Program, the vigous working of all these steps is the way up and out of the Disease of Alcoholism..

Hope so much that we hear back from you, soon too, 

Seems you were worried about covering up or getting out of what you told your girlfriend......that is a far cry from wondering how you drove that car into the other car, killing the people inside.....thats the other end of the spectrum.....

The above said grim writing would require only one thing, an alcoholic blackout....happens every day of the year daily in this country.....so please take this as seriously as your life depends on it, for you life just might depend on you stopping before it is too late....

Thanks for coming  in to this site, and please stay around and get to know us....that is my hope for you,

Toni, wave off the California Coastline..   smile

Hi Wave, after reading all the responses it occurred to me that I was leaving a lot out, about my Blacking out twice a day, yes I would end up blacking out on a couch, or kitchen table or sometimes in bed, but what I was leaving out was that when I woke up, no one was there to tell me how mustard got all over the hardwood floors, or that electric stove burner was left on, in High....or why I was dressed like I was going out to a galla affair in the middle of the day, I do have to say I did always feel very lucky, when I would look out my window and see that my car looked like I had not moved it....that was always a GREAT relief....just sheer luck.

so hope you have tried to take in what others have said.
and will join us here.

Hugs, on Monday, May 10th, 2010

wrote that cause it is really great to start the day knowing what day and time it is....smile

Toni




-- Edited by Just Toni on Monday 10th of May 2010 12:36:04 PM

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MIP Old Timer

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I can't explain myself to others because I have no memory after a blackout of what I did.

What is an alcohol blackout? This is not the same thing as passing out when you have had too much to drink. Passing out very much resembles sleeping. No, an alcoholic blackout is when a person has had a lot to drink and they go into this state of mind where they can no longer remember anything that they are doing, but they are still moving around, conversing with people, and possibly causing all sorts of problems.

Normally the human brain has the ability to keep recording whatever is happening in your life....whether you are hearing things, seeing things, tasting things....it all goes on the record. You might not remember every little detail but your brain actually has it all locked in there. Technically, you could bring these hidden memories out with hypnosis if you had to.

With an alcohol blackout blackout this is not the case. Nothing is going on permanent record. The brain stops recording new information, so everything that occurs is lost forever to the alcoholic who is in a blackout. They can only recollect the experience as it is told to them by other people. This usually happens the next day when they find themselves waking up in a strange place, wondering how they got there, and what exactly they did the night before. It is at this point that they will generally call up their friends who they were with the night before and start asking questions. Their friends usually say something along the lines of: "Do you realize what you did last night?!" At this point the alcoholic usually does not want to know, because horrible, embarrassing and frequently dangerous behaviors generally happen during these types of episodes.

If you are at the point of experiencing these sorts of things, then you might want to step back and take a good hard look at your drinking. Normal people do not black out from drinking, ever. This is because a normal person will pass out long before they black out. If you are blacking out from drinking too much alcohol then it means that your tolerance to alcohol is all messed up. Technically you should pass out and appear to be sleeping long before you get to the point of blacking out. If you are blacking out on a regular basis then it means your drinking has gotten way out of hand, and you need to do something about it.

Larry,
---------------
I did not sleep on my lawn last night



-- Edited by Larry_H on Sunday 9th of May 2010 08:53:07 PM

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Veteran Member

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WaveOffTheCoast wrote:

How do you explain to others/yourself who you become when you've blacked out? 


Thankfully, for eleven months I haven't had to do this. My last blackout landed me in jail. Many years ago, my blackouts were fodder for laughter with my drinking frinds and party goers. They started to get a little more sinister as the years went on. And like you, I told many a fine gal I would buy them the moon, only to not recall any of it the next day and have a fine mess.

If you are experiencing blackouts, it's a clear sign you need to do something. This is not normal. A sober life lived through the steps is remarkable in how we don't have to explain yet another scenario we created, or another lie we made up.

We can just live. How good it is. 



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MIP Old Timer

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I can't say that I know who I am when I black out, but she does have an allergy that has caused her to break out into handcuffs in the past.... don't think I want to meet her anytime soon, so I guess I'll be staying sober tonight.

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~Your Higher Power has not given you a longing to do
that which you have no ability to do.


Senior Member

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i never blacked out for a whole day or days. only for chunks of time during the night, kind of remebering bits and not other bits. coming to and not remebering what i was coming to from so must of been blackouts/brown outs. had one really bad one where i turned into a violent desperate person who attacked a loved one and damaged some expensive things pretty badly. the attacking is scary and is one of the fears that scare the crap out of me still what might happen if i picked up a drink again.

yeh and i used to be told right from the start of my drinking, as a teen that i had done so and so, really wierd things people would tell me that i had done during the night but i couldnt remeber them at all and i used to think people were making that stuff up cause some of it was wierd. looking back now perhaps they were correct and i had done wierd stuff without knowing.



-- Edited by slugcat on Monday 10th of May 2010 02:11:26 AM

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Veteran Member

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Thanks for starting this thread.

It brings back painful memories for me of things I was told I did while blacked out and also the horrible sick feeling in my stomach when I felt like I had to avoid people that were around the night before. BUT it's nice to hear that other people have felt the exact same way and have done the exact same things and they are now living happy and sober lives!
Hope for the future.

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Oblong


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when i would black out i was not myself at all, i would be mean and try to start fights. i would wake up and remember ranndom parts of the night and try to piece it all together....my boyfriend always thought i was lying about not remembering, but i honestly would rather remember those times then having to rely on other drunk people telling you what you did. i ususally wouldnt get that drunk unless i was angry or nervous about being aound new people. i am usually a very mellow shy person so i would drink so i would feel more comfortable but then i would go past that point and make a horrible first impression. i would rather people think i am boring and quiet then a drunk.

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Senior Member

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H*ll, if I know.

Then comes the horror of the reprehensible question: "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT?" 

Freak Out time!

I am told that I am a whole different person while drinking. My husband says, please do not turn into Jane tonight i.e. My alter ego while drinking. 
Other times, people have said, they could not tell that I was drunk/in a black out. So there you go.
I'm sure there are more educated answers than mine on here,but this has been my experience and a horrible one.

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Senior Member

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Lol, Larry what a great post.

"I did not wake up on my lawn last night."

I am still laughing in retrospect of my own life. Yet, at the time it wasn't funny...but horrifying. 

Oh, for the days of paranoia and fear!
http://www.youtube.com/v/MOuEYSJCFqE&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param 

My GAWD...I never want to go back there.

J


-- Edited by janet on Thursday 13th of May 2010 08:38:28 AM

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